SHE - Episode 8

sudhavnarasimhan · Jun 18, 2007

Dear Sridhar,
Got down to reading this episode and of course all the replies and your replies to everyone. So that leaves most of my queies answered too and my views of Jaggi , and Shalini's maybe hasty decision!
As of now i await to raed the next few episodes.....as u have already pointed out, i think we have to wait till the end to see how SHE will turn out to be.and what HE will become.........and then maybe make our comments on her and HIM ......
But as such a good narration ,:2thumbsup: and no one seems to have made note of the Pattu veshthi and Mysore silk saree....he he he.....
Looks like our hero and heroine( or is it the writer.....i am confused,) are quite traditional at heart....

Varloo · Jun 18, 2007

Dear Sridhar,
whatever be the level of education or exposure, most Indians are not fit for the live-in arrangement, we tend to get jealouse of our partner. We need security of the marriage. Only those who want to shun the resposibility of settling down in a family opt for this, it is my view.
It seems that Shalini is for a jolt. God save her!

varalotti · Jun 18, 2007

Dear Sudha,

Thanks for joining us at last. And you have the added advantage of reading all the queries and the attempted answers.

I introduced Pattu Veshti and Mysore silk to invite some questions, but it appears that every one is now worrying about Shalini's future and in that worry, dress of course does not matter.

On that evening Shalini and Jaggi are in an awkward situation. A scene in the old movie Bharatha Vilas inspired me. Shivaji Ganesan and KR Vijaya will be sales reps in that movie. They will practically be orphans with no relatives. They fall in love and get married. No one will be there to make arrangements for the first night.

Each will have his or her own doubts; Shivaji's doubts will manifest in the form of a song in which his "mana saatchi" conscience will also play a role. The song is Chakkai Podu Podu Raja.

May be I was too carried with that scene that I retained the same dress for my hero and heroine. In South Tamilnadu, as far as my knowledge goes, silk dhoti is the dress worn by the groom on the wedding night; and mysore silk is for the bride. May be they wanted to signal their availability to each other. Whatever.
Thanks for pointing that out.

regards,

varalotti · Jun 18, 2007

Dear Varloo,

Your statement shows that you and I and most of the people here in IL belong to an earlier generation. Today in cities like Bangalore and in places like Mumbai,live-in is gaining popularity.

There was a write-up of 3 couples living together in the same apartment in Bangalore. There is also a hint of a "live-in" network operating in Bangalore.

But if a live-in relationship is understood properly I would say that it entails a much greater responsibility than a 'vanilla' marriage. There are lot of risks and naturally responsibilities are greater.

Whether Shalini is in for a jolt or not, I am not sure. We are surely in for a jolt. Ha ha. Stay tuned, Varloo.
regards,

Malathijagan · Jun 18, 2007

Dear Sridhar,
Within the little time I have had to lay my hands on the pc (My son is at it most of the time!), I went through episode 8 and also all the related posts. I loved the way you handled all the posts and gave very convincing replies to all of them.
I read in one of the papers today (or may be yesterday?) that Britain was considering a law that would go to protect the rights of an affected party in a live-in relationship, and there were also oppositions to this from prominent people of that country.
My views regarding this matter-
I don't know whether I believe in high moral values because I was fed with it all through my childhood (it would be wrong to say-"fed with it", my parents set an example by living it) or because it has been carried forward from previous births, but experiences in life have certainly changed my outlook towards society though not my personal beliefs, values and principles.(I may disapprove of what others say but I will defend to death their right to say it.) I have been able to see things from the other person's perspectives.I step into the shoes of the other person when I analyse his /her situations and behaviours. This has made me more humane and has helped me understand complex human behaviour to some extent.
Now, coming to the 8th episode, I would like to wait and watch what happens in the end. One thing that comes to my mind at this time is of the movie-makers justifying all obscenities and gory scenes in their movies as happening everywhere around and that they are bringing it to the forefront to highlight that such things exist. The latest serial "Mekhala" in sun tv is one such serial that highlights the perversive behaviour of a warden in a blind school. I do agree that awareness definitely need to be created so that necessary precautions are taken by the vulnerable parties but certainly not the way it is being done these days. It looks more like, it is being done to increase viewership and readership.
I am sure even during the time of our epics, there were a lot of perversive things happening in society. Aanaal avai ellaam ilai maraivu kaayaaga irundhana. Lets take the case of gays and lesbians. What was happening somewhere on a rare basis got the attention of the people through "Fire" and all those magazines trying to exploit the base instincts of the human minds. And now we have a society of their own trying to fight for their rights and freedom to find acceptance and recognition in society (and in some countries they have achieved it too).
Now you may wonder why I have said such irrelevant things and whether I am likening your writings to that of the movie makers! Certainly not sir! The magazines and the movies have already overtaken you in this matter and you are a bit too late, especially when it comes to live-in relationships! My point is that we have as a society been responsible for all the deteriotions and degenerations of generation next! And now that the stone has started rolling with full acceleration, lets us wait and watch where it stops and what are the consequenses. (This statement is not about the story but about the happenings in our society!)
And to reassure sir, not a single sentence may be linked to your story since it has been very decent in its narration. I took this episode as an opportunity to speak out my views since it will be read by many when posted in this most sought after thread rather than when started in a separate thread! I want to bask in the shadows of a prominent person!
Waiting eagerly for your next episode!

Tamildownunder · Jun 18, 2007

Dear varalotti,

Regarding the living-in relationship you have brought in the story, my opinion is that most of the time it is for enjoying sex. As you have mentioned, as long as the sex is going good there will be good understanding and the day the sex becomes bored, the couple will fall apart. When I first came to London, I came across this living-in partner culture when one of my British colleague brought a lady to office and introduced her to us as his living-in partner. It was a kind of cultural shock to me. Later after few months the news came that the lady had delivered a baby. The most amusing thing happened when one day the British colleague told me that he is getting married. I thought that he is marrying some one else. But, he said that he is marrying the same lady. I had a laugh and said it is happening in the reverse to our culture where people get married, live together and get babies. The apt words in Tamil is that these people who live-in together before marriage are 'vivasthai kettathukal' and I would like to know how many of these relationships have become long-standing. Coming to your story, to me Shalini giving gifts to Juggi makes him a male prostitute. I am waiting eagarly to see how the story goes.

Regards,

TDU

varalotti · Jun 19, 2007

Dear Malathy,
That was another beautiful analysis on morality, past and present. I fully endorse your views. I dont want to reply to them line by line, and thereby disturbing the elegance of your words.

But I do want to respond to these lines of yours,
"I took this episode as an opportunity to speak out my views since it will be read by many when posted in this most sought after thread rather than when started in a separate thread! I want to bask in the shadows of a prominent person!"
It is a poetic custom to equate women with the moon, especially when describing their faces. But in this almost all-ladies site, well, I can take the metaphor of the moon on myself. For I do nothing but reflect your glory in my threads.
But that apart, being addressed thus by an acknowledged, acclaimed, oft-nominated poetess, is to me a great honour and a grand privilege. I am impressed, moved and touched. Thanks a lot, Malathy.
regards,

varalotti · Jun 19, 2007

Dear TDU,
Thanks for your provocative post which merits surely a line by line comment:

Regarding the living-in relationship you have brought in the story, my opinion is that most of the time it is for enjoying sex. As you have mentioned, as long as the sex is going good there will be good understanding and the day the sex becomes bored, the couple will fall apart.

Whatever you said about live-in can also be said about marriage. One need not go for a live-in for sex. There are much more easier, less expensive avenues for that. Live-in couples do not indulge in sex alone. They actively share a life and are just testing waters before making a permanent commitment. Several years ago I stayed with a live-in couple in Cornwall,England. The man was in some business and the lady, a bank manager. They shared a wonderful relationship. Not all live-ins fade away as was proved by your own friend who married the same girl.
And TDU, remember, that marriages also fade away. I know hundreds of marriages where the man has left the girl after the initial novelty had worn off. What is the point in pulling down a man and forcing him to stay with his wife, when he does not like that, in the name of marriage and commitment? Live-in, if understood properly is also a marriage, but that is a contract with a clear exit clause.

The apt words in Tamil is that these people who live-in together before marriage are 'vivasthai kettathukal' and I would like to know how many of these relationships have become long-standing.
Calling them names does not help our understanding. Ok, let them be designated vivasthai kettavarkal. Then what name would you use for a married couple who have lost their love but are living together just to avoid the stigma of divorce, or for the sake of their children? When there is no love between the husband and wife, and still if they have sex, I would categorise them under "Vivasthai Kettavarkal" category.
Agreed, not many live-ins are long standing. But tell me how many marriages are long standing? One of my friends told me that the divorce rate is the lowest in India. I told him that is because that here we have a lot of divorceable marriages rather than divorced marriages. As many people misconstrue divorce does not mean the death of a marriage; it only signifies the proper funeral of an already dead marriage. Simply because a husband and wife are living together for 40 years it does not mean that their marriage is a success. I know many couples who stay married; but the husband will be working in Mumbai and the wife in Chennai. They will meet once in six months and that too for a few days. That is a case of pathetic death of a marriage, which was not even geven a decent funeral in the form of a divorce.
So, TDU, let me rhetorically rephrase your question, 'How many of the marriages are really long-standing?'

Coming to your story, to me Shalini giving gifts to Juggi makes him a male prostitute.
TDU, Jaggi received so many negative comments from the ladies here, but this was the most unkindest cut of all. They have decided for a live-in and are contemplating marriage eventually; in this context how will the gift make Jaggi a gigolo? They share a beautiful relationship and Shalini's gift is one way of expression of her happiness. How can that make Jaggi a male prostitute?
If Shalini had called in Jaggi just for a night to give her sexual pleasures and had given him a gift of just an One Rupee coin, that would make him a male prostitute. Not the gift that comes in the story.

I am waiting eagarly to see how the story goes.
This is the only statement in the post for which the only comment is my saying thanks to you for your time in reading the story.

TDU, like you I am also shocked by the live-ins, by the girls smoking (when I saw that in Bangalore I did not sleep well that night) by the casual sex that is happening in the current call-centre culture(!). But TDU we belong to another world, another generation. There is no point in condemning our youth or calling them names. We should try to understand them. And my writing about all these things are only to give us some kind of an insight into how the mind of the modern youth works.

Tamildownunder said: ↑

Dear varalotti,

Regarding the living-in relationship you have brought in the story, my opinion is that most of the time it is for enjoying sex. As you have mentioned, as long as the sex is going good there will be good understanding and the day the sex becomes bored, the couple will fall apart. When I first came to London, I came across this living-in partner culture when one of my British colleague brought a lady to office and introduced her to us as his living-in partner. It was a kind of cultural shock to me. Later after few months the news came that the lady had delivered a baby. The most amusing thing happened when one day the British colleague told me that he is getting married. I thought that he is marrying some one else. But, he said that he is marrying the same lady. I had a laugh and said it is happening in the reverse to our culture where people get married, live together and get babies. The apt words in Tamil is that these people who live-in together before marriage are 'vivasthai kettathukal' and I would like to know how many of these relationships have become long-standing. Coming to your story, to me Shalini giving gifts to Juggi makes him a male prostitute. I am waiting eagarly to see how the story goes.

Regards,

TDU
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot TDU for your very active participation.

Tamildownunder · Jun 19, 2007

Dear varalotti,

Thanks for your patient explanations to my provocative post. I do agree with you that belonging to an earlier generation, it is hard to digest these kind of relationships. My only concern is that these relationships should be long standing. It is very difficult to reach an understanding between two people since opinions differ and tastes differ. The marriage is an excercise in bringing two people together to adjust and lead a life by give and take and surely no relationship can last longer based purely on sex or emotions. I really appreciate the feelings of women. One era of women including my mother, grandmother was that they got arranged marriages, lived in joint families with no privacy, got many children and spent their entire lives in the kitchen with firewood, charcoal and pump stoves. They were not allowed to come out of kitchen when some male guests came. Now, definitely they have much more freedom, they are getting educated and going for jobs so thay can stand on their own legs. So, definitely they need not have to live with a husband who is illtreating or having bad habits which afect the living together. But, at the same time they cannot live as they like as in living-in culture which I feel is not good for our society. I feel that this culture is only a reverse of what was happening in olden days. To say more explicitely, nowadays Kovalans need not go looking for Madhavis because Madhavis are coming to Kovalans. Pardon me if I am wrong.

Regards,

TDU

varalotti · Jun 19, 2007

Re: My Affair With God!

Most Gracious ILites,

Is an Accountant's religion, money? And his philosophy, materialism? When charged with these accusations, I was hurt. My lamentations in response to this charge form this Wednesday's post.

This post is for those who believe in God as well as for those who don't believe. If you ever had any doubts in the validity of the equation, God=Love=God, then this post will clear those doubts.

Let me have your views on this. For some time my signature will have a link "Your Religion" and click there will transport you there in no time.

regards,