Sharing my 2cents (from my own experiences)

Very useful tips, tulipzz
Please post some more and enlighten us. I realized some of these things the hard way.

And especially this one I really value:

This is vert important. The minute we fight,it means they have succeeded in creating chaos in our relationship. If we let go of what they do then ,it means we just don't care about them and that sends out a better message.

 

hi,
really nice tips..i follow this.so our quarells are reduced .......a lot.

 

Nice ideas Tulip. But i am not 100% sure about the not talking part for 2-3 days. 2-3 days is a really time, I think.

 

Nice post!!!
I am generally like this right from the beginning but there is a disadvantage of keep too quiet

But this time when we went to India, I just spoke out of extreme frustration and that too a very small thing. I had to speak up for myself and my husband fought with me on that one. I was really angry with him for not understanding me and also not thinking that this girl who has never spoken anything against for the past 3 years is now saying something, so there should be some rationale behind that

 

Nice tips :cheers.

But, all this are about emotions, and though initially we might be very conscious, sometimes all the stored up emotions flare up like a volcano.

I agree completely the part about husband and wife being 2 people, ya, and so differences are sure to be there. These differences have to be accepted as they are, as much as possible, because nobody is completely wrong or right. Once we start respecting each other's space, the problems will reduce automatically.

If people are not like what we expect them to be, the best thing would be - IGNORE. And if IL's behave badly, what use of telling hubby, whether he is in a good mad or not?

So any tip will work out only if the other person is atleast 75% reasonable( if not 100%):-(

 

Quote from in married life: Re: Don't know what to do...
Visu2k,

I have learnt some nuances of marital life from my DH and our marital experience. DH was not only clever but now thinking back he was also manipulative in a rather positive way. Ours was a love marriage. He told me how he manipulated his parents for the marriage. He also understood the dynamics of my family and convinced my elder sister( who was actually the crux/fulcrum in decision making in our family) During the marriage he had the whole support of his family and relatives and my relations as well.

After marriage, I felt he was picking up fights with me deliberately and i felt unloved. He also picked up fights with his parents and within 3 months of marriage, he made us move to a place near my parents house. His parents were embarrased and angry at him. I made it clear that I didnt want to move. But he had his way. I felt guilty and embarrassed and so did my inlaws. We used to visit our inlaws every other day and I was hesitant to visit my parents place or take any help though he encouraged me to visit my parents whenever I want, he too would accompany. After 4 months of this life, my MIL became sick(mild illness) and he decided we would move back to care of her. My inlaws were happy and I was relieved as well. I gelled with my inlaws and they looked after us well probably fearing DH would decide to leave again. After some years abroad, we are back with our inlaws. Now I can see how he wantedly distanced himself from me and his parents so that we gell together and he became the enemy. I am glad his parents accepted me and now listen to me more than him and likewise i noticed that my siblings and my parents talk to him more freely than me, to a point of annoying levels.

So in my case, my DH used to pick up fights with me as well as My PILs. Thats how I became closer to my PILS(including MIL ) than my DH during initial stages of marriage. After several years, we realised how DH manipulated the whole situation to bring us closer.

So my take is in the bed room - we can be our usual stuff with the DH, but outside and infront of PILs' act as if DH is making you cry and was angry - play the victim's role and you are seeking their support. That should satisfy the PILs sadistic desires as well as their egos' that they are helping you.

 

Tulipz...

your point No - 2 works.... (ur initial post)

my wife tell me not to shout and i actually go back 10 yards in my anger... it takes off the steam .... and bring me back to reality...:thumbsup

but calling men - DUMB is a bit too much :biglaugh

it works... so it doesnt matter...

Santy