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Sharing marital problems with opposite gender friends

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Who made these?! Why am I never invited to any party in IL??? Here also I am 8 pages late
     
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  2. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think people don't have time to listen to problems. Women I have seen compete with each other. Men at times can understand situations very well. But frankly I have learnt never to share problems with anyone. It simply backfires when it is used against you.
     
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  3. Marun

    Marun Platinum IL'ite

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    Depends on how trustworthy they are! Many share their personal problems and I have always tried to help them if possible.
     
  4. littl

    littl Platinum IL'ite

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    trust me it was very yummy.... yumsmiley ................... :crazy
     
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  5. SashaQ

    SashaQ Senior IL'ite

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    Irrespective of gender, anyone you share it with will form an opinion of your spouse sooner or later and it likely won't be a good one. Eventually, they will feel you are wronged or can do better, etc. It's very difficult for a friend to stay neutral.

    Also as a PP mentioned, men tend to fix problems. So they might take it completely out of context thinking that you are unhappy and need a void filled in for which they are happy to step up to the plate. Haha! No.

    Most objective and neutral advise you will get is on a forum like this or a professional. None of these people really know your spouse OR you. They can give a neutral perspective.
     
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  6. my2angels

    my2angels Silver IL'ite

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    Hmm...and I always thought..."ek aurat ka dard ek aurat hi samaj sakti hai"....aka every hindi movie dialogue
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2014
  7. sacredbell

    sacredbell Silver IL'ite

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    It is always risky to share the marital problems to another women. She may spread to her circle with more spices added. At the same time, being from a women, you don't get a different perspective of the problem and solution.

    Sharing the problem with the family members like SIL or MIL or your own mother/sisters could be the best solution. You must choose the most trustworthy from the this list.

    Sharing the marital problems with opposite gender, especially friends, is not a good approach as it may trigger the opportunist in them..Many people try to take ''advantage'' of the situation and try to fish from the troubled water..They may mislead you too.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2014
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  8. Zoya10

    Zoya10 Silver IL'ite

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    It is never a good idea to share marital problems to anyone! A public forum like this where people cannot identiy you, yes you can.

    else its better to take care of our problems ourselves. And if its different gender! BIG NO!

    I want all my friends to respect my Husband even if we have tons of problems (my husband is so sweet though!) Its better to solve problems within our home and if it goes out of hands, better to deal it with parents.!
     
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  9. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    From my experience, it does not work out well and here are the reasons why.

    1. a woman confides in a woman, they support each other and more often, the man will become the villain ,and hear them out without offering any real solution but comfort each other. .
    2. a man confides in a woman, this is more rare and i think i find these kind of males very clever. If they are very close and know each other for many years it is fine. otherwise. i strongly suspect such men who can talk badly about wife in few meetings only. i actuallly dont think highly women who confide that easily to men. but whatever be the reason, most woman would still support his wife and try to see things from her point of view simply women can be more sympathetic
    3. a woman confides in a man : when this happens.. be sure that things would not go well for many reasons. Men cannot or will not dare to take the side of the husband in question when the dear woman friend is sobbing or complaining. So, they will try to encourage her in any way possible without offering any real solution. And these men friends would actually be hopeless husbands/partners who would not listen to the woes of their own wives. That is more irritating i feel. More men can understand the pain of the women friends and think lowly of her husband but have no such regard for their own wives :D my dh is like that. he would say"poor woman, her husband does so and so to her".. and i will be thinking "you think you are so perfect??" so this is the worst situation that can happen.
    4. a man confides to a man: "come lets go for a drink" :D
     
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  10. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well said. Reminds me of Einstein's quote, "Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them."
     
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