Sharing Household Chores in Married Life

@Rihana, @Laks09, @VanithaSudhir...

What can I say, other than I am 'windy' with a blind faith.

 

@poovai

Simply beautiful


@Rihana

Ah but u should write more often!

Mine better resembles the battlefield of kurukshetra...and yet in many ways the situation is the same ..He is still the same Krishna from Vaikuntha ..the only one who can calm and alleviate the fears of this Arjuna.

 

Waking up DS and brushing him ( Herculean task in the morning), lighting diya belongs to DH's duty in the morning. Taking DS to a cycle ride and again brushing in the night is also his share of duty.
cleaning and cooking comes under my share of work.
Ironing DH's and DS clothes is done by me and DH does ironing of all my clothes.
Studies, extra curricular activities and hospital matters ( dental check up etc) is taken care by me.
Hubby coordinates the weekend outings with family friends and I plan the annual vacation from tickets and hotel booking to sight seeing.
DH manages all the finance related matters from bills, fees payments to emi's.

these are all works shared on daily basis and many times there will be role reversal also. Besides these there are many things which DH does by himself just like a caring partner does. He tries to keep me free of tension in all matters but my habit of getting tensed for everything does not change even after all his assurance .

 

Interesting! We haven't drawn battle lines - no chore/ responsibility list. We both know what needs to be done; one of us does it. Well, I guess I do the lion's share these days as I'm the stay-at-home mum. My focus is to ensure our home is harmonious - messy and disorganised but harmonious.

I'm a bit lax when noone's watching - which means there is a big load waiting to be done when the husband is back home - which in turn means his tv time is prone to be injured by the bits and pieces I dump on him. "Please fold these clothes" "please could you quickly Hoover that mess on the carpet?" "Please could you take the trash out? I didn't get around to it earlier." "It is the weekend. Could you bring me my coffee while I have a lie-in?" When I need a hand, I ask. I always ask politely, nicely, sweetly; works particularly well if I ask after handing him his snacks / tea. No is a perfectly acceptable reply, except on days when I, on a whim, feel it is not. "I really need you to give me a hand now." accompanied by a stern look gets the job done on such days.

I'm our child's primary carer; she clings to her dad when he is home. i'm responsible for ferrying her around to school, parties and classes; the dad is more like a man-Friday being on hand to fill up water bottles and button coats when I'm in a hurry; also making sure the car has enough fuel.

Everything that needs to get done gets done. We both are jointly responsible. We are each others' safety nets. For most part one of us is holding the ball. If we both were to drop it, we chalk it up to experience and ruefully laugh about it once the initial annoyance has worn away.

 

First, I was shocked to read how you and your DH can manage a house without any maid/gardener, especially when you are yourself a working woman !

Then, I realised you are so lucky to have your mother with you, to take care of many tough works !

Again you are so lucky, MIL seems to be living not in your house, (lucky again ) somewhere nearby, but joins only when a help is needed !

 

Thanx guesshoo - you saved me a lot of typing time !!

I'll just say ditto to every word of yours !!!

Except that my son is 10 and he too pitches in when I ask

I dont lift heavy weights and I dont bend ! History of sciatica
So, when I need to change bedsheets - I take off the old ones, bring the new ones and spread them haphazardly in the right direction - then ask one of them to tuck in the corners and make it neat!

When I clean tables after lunch/dinner, I clean only the table top - anything falls on the floor - DS or DH clean it up

When I need to lift weights - I pull a neelkamal chair near the heavy stuff - one of them puts it on the chair/bed/table and then I do what needs to be done with it !

Even my watchman and the grocery home delivery guy know about this - I'll collect groceries in many baskets, and ask one of the helper guys to leave it at the billing - then the billing clerk would bill and call someone to load the things on my scooty (or sometimes home delivery) - and I'll drive home and the watchman or the delivery guy would carry it to my door step - I'll pull one or two neelkamal chairs near the door, he will leave the bags on the chairs !! Then later I sort them out one by one without bending !!

 

Even though my DH is not reluctant, neither is he lazy, nor does he feel household jobs beneath dignity - but there are times when he pitches in unwillingly - maybe he is tired or sick or has some pain - those times I quietly do some of his chores and let him save his energy for the more manly tasks (outside jobs or lifting weights)!

And sometimes it is the other way round - he doesnt want to go out and buy stuff or go to someone's house - but will willingly help complete the cooking's tadka or seasoning and serve food for son or pack his lunch ! Then, I'll just go out and do the outside chores !!

When some guests come over to stay - I start clearing clutter and grocery shopping from a week before - things will be lying around because I might be multi tasking and leave a few things incomplete and in-waiting! He'll automatically complete them without prompting from me because he cant see things lying incomplete and he gets credit and thanx for the whole work although I've already completed half !
Win-win!!!

 

Luckily for us, each has a task that is loved by one and detested by the other. During my H4 days I took care of everything. After all I was in a new country, newly married, and had nothing better to do. The minute I got a job though, he just stepped up and quietly took over a few things. Today we each have "our" tasks, and then there are some that either one does depending on availability of time.

I am 100% responsible for the kitchen. That was my choice. I am not satisfied with the way he loads the dishwasher so I do it. I have no issues spending time in the kitchen....it's kind of therapeutic for me. Hubby is a cleanliness freak so once I started working, he took on the job of cleaning the house top to bottom. There are days when we have what we call our "BIG" house clean. That day it's a family affair. Lunch is from outside and we spend a lot of time cleaning. But that is maybe once every 2 months or so. Laundry and folding clothes is my job. Some days DH will take care of the laundry, but folding is not one of the tasks he enjoys. I don't "enjoy" it, but it is something that can be done in a very quick way for me.

Other than that, taking care of DS in the mornings is DH's work. I get the dabbas ready for work and school and am usually out of the house before DS even has a shower. Evenings I sit with DS for his homework, making sure he studies etc. Activities for DS (meaning driving him around) are shared by us. Whoever is less busy will do the driving.

Another thing I prefer doing alone is grocery shopping. It's quick and simple and painless if I am alone. In and out of the grocery store in 30 minutes. With DH and / or DS in tow it takes more than an hour.

One thing we BOTH do no matter what. At 9pm when it is time for DS to go to bed, no matter what we are doing, we both stop everything, go to his room and will read something for 10 minutes.