Shani And Shanks

Hurray! One more blow struck for women’s rights! They have been allowed entry into the Shani temple in Maharashtra! Now if they get raped, harassed for dowry or denied educational and employment opportunities, they can cry at the feet of Shani. What a great leap forward sirjee!

But wait! Someone is frowning at these happy tidings. No it is not just some joker on a high decibel TV debate. It is the Shankaracharya of Dwaraka himself dropping pearls oops sorry bombs of wisdom.

What great wise words does Shanks (Shankaracharya is a bit too long for me) has to offer to the world?

He has come up with the brilliant idea that if women are allowed into Shani temple rapes will increase as Saturn will stop admiring his lovely rings and throw his malevolent glance at the women putting them in dire trouble. No, not the usual seven and half year routine but getting nasty glances all through their life from Shani, increasing their chances of getting raped. Scary isn’t it. Now we know the Nirbhaya rape, Bombay mills rape all occurred because Shani threw nasty looks at the ladies.

I am sure the comment of Shanks will boost the economy. You may wonder what this has got to do with economy. It will trigger insecurity and guilty feeling among women who visit the Shani temple and to protect themselves from the malevolent glance of Shani they will invest in talismans like Shani Suraksha Kavach the ads for which you see on every second TV channel. The talisman business will grow exponentially and increase job opportunities. Even multinationals could land up in India to make amulets and talismans. That is real Make in India for you.

What will we do without these marvellous religious guys? When we get bored with RaGa jokes these fellers step in to compensate. In fact the clown prince should be on the alert for the attempts by such babas to dislodge him from the position of India's buffoon laureate.

Another gem from Shanks. The drought in Maharashtra is due to the fact that Shirdi Sai Baba is worshipped in temples. His statue is installed with idols of Hanuman and Ganesha at its feet. Naturally these gods are pissed off about reduced importance and cause droughts. You see you should never rub these guys upstairs the wrong way.

So forget about water trains to Marathwada, Just remove Sai Baba statues from temples and butter up Hanuman and Ganesha a little bit (I think a plateful of modaks will do for that guy) and watch the drought areas turn green overnight!

And the entertainment quotient of religious leaders cuts across the barriers of faith. Is there a Nobel for geology? May be this Iranian cleric should get Nobel for physics. Mr.Hojatulieslam Whatshisname has finally discovered the cause of earthquakes.

He says women who dress scantily are responsible for quakes.Quite possible. When you see a woman who has economized on clothes don’t you tremble with joy while drooling? The collective trembling causes the earth to tremble too resulting in earthquakes.

But here a desi baba begs to differ politely. Few years ago, this guy, a graduate of IIT Delhi no less, came up with the brilliant thesis that earthquakes occur because of cow slaughter. Come again? What has bovine butchery got to do with quakes.?

Elementary my dear reader when cows are being killed for beef to have a date with your your alimentary, they roar. Their roars reach mother earth who trembles in anger. And that my dear ignoramuses is called earthquake.

Very intellectually stimulating theories both. I think Hojattelleslam Whatshisname and our desi IIT baba should share Nobel for physics even though the two I am sure won’t share a chemistry. This is necessary to ensure that there are no communal riots, jehads or guys having blasts following a dispute over the real reason for quakes.

 

I think you must have seen the Shani image in Delhi where you find it at every street corner on Saturday and by evening thes plates placed before these images will be overflowing with cash showing how superstitious we Delhiites are. If the image is used for a good purpose like keeping the city clean instead of for raking in the moolah, it should be welcomed. At least the Shankaracharya and one IITian are speaking the same language.

 

Satchi, the key word here is Token. Such temple entry movements are just cosmetic and don't address real women;s issues apart from throwing the limelight on some ambitious women and boosting their political careers. No, the pictures are not pasted but Shani's images with a plate are kept in various parts of the city and it is a damn good business as lot of money is collected. I am sure some enterprising chap must have become a millionaire because of that.

 

Viswa Shanks would say the women should be prosecuted for instigating Shani to instigate rapists. Whether these guys get wealth, name and fame . they have proved to be great entertainers. Looks like Shanks would oust Rahul Gandhi from the pedestal of being India's top (unintended) comedian.

 

Kamalji I think Shanks needs shrinks a whole bunch of them. Hope the temple entry would divert Shani's attention from men and save them from his seven and half years itch. The problem is when women are hit by Shani's wrath, they are likely to take on men and pass on their troubles to them. May be we can make a pretty penny by selling a Stri Suraksha Kavach on internet and TV to protect men from women's woes.t