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shameless sister-in-law

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ayeshanaaz, Jul 17, 2007.

  1. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Here are my FRANK, HONEST answers:

    1. There is NO rule that says that a woman has to live with her in-laws after her marriage. I am not staying with my in-laws presently and it appears that you do not, either. So who are we to judge your SIL on whether she stays with HER in-laws or not?

    2. Her education is also none of our business. A degree doesn't necessarily mean that someone is intelligent or educated. So what if she didn't make it past Class X? How does it affect your life?

    3. Will *I* cook for my SIL 24/7? H@ll no. But will I object to others doing so (co-sis, MIL)? ALSO NO. They want to wait on her hand-and-foot, that's THEIR choice. As long as *you* personally aren't expected to cater to your SIL, it is also not your problem.

    4. Your BIL shouts at FIL and he keeps quiet? This is between your BIL & FIL. As long as your BIL is not yelling at you, stay out of it.

    Comments from whom? Your MIL or SIL?

    This is between your MIL & you. Why are you involving your SIL in this? Just ignore your MIL and do as you please (which you are, already!)

    To be brutally honest with you - her kid, her business. Is it examplery parenting? Of course not. Would I confine my own kid to a small space? H@ll no. Would I try to impart parenting advice to my SIL should she do this to her kids? Nope. I'll keep quiet, UNLESS EXPLICITLY ASKED FOR MY ADVICE. And believe me, I speak from experience and have learned that MOST people do not take parenting opinions in the right spirit. Your MIL, too, probably realizes that her daughter isn't exactly an outstanding Mom, which is why she takes care of SIL's kids. Would you rather that MIL didn't take over her grandchildren and that the kids suffer from incompetent parenting? And if MIL did take care of her grandkids, does that take anything away from you?

    I get a fair enough picture already. I am just telling you that as long as YOU personally are not expected to cook, clean and pick up after her, you shouldn't be concerned. If your MIL & co-sister want to wait on her and act as her hand-maids, that's THEIR problem and decision. Not yours.

    No, I'm not supporting your SIL's lifestyle. I personally think that it's APPALLING that a grown woman with a child of her own needs to catered to by her aging Mother! She needs to grow up and assume responsibility. BUT, be as that it may, her choice of lifestyle does not in ANY way intrude upon yours, so it really shouldn't be any of your concern. Boundaries, my dear.

    If you still feel that your MIL shouldn't be helping out so much, then by all means, take it up with your MIL. But be VERY aware that you may find yourself facing a TONNE of flak, as a result. Is it worth it? Nope. But that's JMO.
     
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2009
  2. diya123

    diya123 New IL'ite

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    Her education or staying with in-laws woulld not have been my business if they never wanted day to day financial help from my husband. I m just venting out my frustration as nothing else can be done, i spoke to my husband regarding money issue, so no use. I make sure whatever i earn goes to my account. Inspite giving all the day to day lavish lifestyle with 2 maids, 1 driver etc , my sil has this hobby of getting gold ornaments (nothing small) custom made with lot of planning day to day, so funding goes to her gold investments as well lolll. Pleople who work their --- off definitely dont have that patience at least not me .
     
  3. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, I know you are venting your frustrations. That is what this forum is for.

    Who wants your financial support? Your SIL? Do you directly give her (SIL) any money? Or do you give money to your in-laws (as most people here - including us - do) for their living expenses? Do you believe that some of the money you are giving your PILs is going to your SIL?

    Just curious.
     
  4. diya123

    diya123 New IL'ite

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    Financial support is going to my IL's , SIL's husband takes in the name of business and does not earn anything and then tells some one did not return his money so he needs more. My IL's tell their son to give to his BIL, and they support his BIL saying he is very hardworking bla bla......... god knows what they will teach their kids and they will again continue their parents foot steps. They dont even tell their kids to study at home and do homework after school.:idea all in all everybody is living without thinking about tomorrow and enjoying their life to the fullest.
     
  5. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Then they are being STUPID. They may appear to be ENJOYING life now, but their stupidity will catch up with them!

    I have only one suggestion for you. As galling as it is, do not to intervene in this directly. For one thing, it won't change matters - they will view you as the interfering DIL who is out to get their beloved daughter, and secondly, they (PILs) aren't going to stop supporting BIL EVEN if they believed that you are right. In fact, I'm pretty sure that they know that their Son-IL is useless but are worried about their daughter's well-being, and end up helping her since she married a good-for-nothing.

    It is your husband's duty to provide for his parents but IT IS NOT HIS JOB TO PROVIDE FOR HIS GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BIL. So, if ILs bring up the issue of 'giving' to BIL for his 'business' needs, just tell Hubby to ignore the request and / or claim lack of adequate funds. That way, if at all your PILs want to help their DD, they will have to do this out of the money that they get as support from their sons. It's one thing to help their daughter have a roof over her head, food on her table and resources to send her kids to school, but it's an entirely different thing to support her husband's ridiculous 'business' antics. Eventually, your PILs will tire of G-F-N BIL and tell him upfront that they don't own a money-tree in their backyard and that he either needs to get a JOB or look elsewhere to support his 'business'.

    All this will take time, but be patient and it WILL happen. More than anyone else, I feel sorry for those poor kids but I'm sure that your PILs will take care of them and ensure that they don't suffer due to their father's stupidity.
     
  6. Ruksana

    Ruksana Guest

    Salam Ayesha

    Ruksana here, just cant believe your and my story is exactly the same and beleive me i am also really fed up with their behaviour. Just for the sake of kids i am tolerating them mean my MIL and SIL. and keep on arguing with my husband.

    i will pray for you that you come out of this problem and your and mine SIL understand what she is doing is wrong.

    have Faith in god
     
  7. mimi77

    mimi77 Gold IL'ite

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    Ask you husband to take some official tour outside for 15 days........And you simply stop getting grocery home and you have food outside for those few days........When luxury reduces at home the irritating guest will automatically move out...........Simple
     
  8. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    This is a very old thread. Not sure if op is looking for a solution to this problem now.
     

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