sexual abusers relatives

Today I went wild and couldnt control my outburst having my mother's brother in house bossing around. when I was 7-8 age onwards and for over 8 years (now mid 30s single, struggling in life) he was one of paedephil sexual abusers. I had faced innumerable time/years not just him killing my childhood.


I have avoided him in the recent past. Today in some serious dispute he was behaving like a conmen. I went wild and poured out his past sexual abuses by him and what happend in front of my parents and a carperter (brought by the pervert) who may not understand the language. My father and mother were repeatedly requesting not to speak. I was asking him to leave the house (my brothers house where my parents stay) right away and never return. initially he was shying off that he didnt... After awhile I became wilder at the pervert around the house. I literally had to indicate to my mother what he did. mother and my father were repeatedly silencing me.This asshole is a divorcee and does pooja for a living. He then said that he will suffer for what he has done and pray for the goddess. I said "You will continue to suffer, you rascal poruki. You cannot pray atall. When you pray godess, let the images of you sinning me come to your eyes. do black magic if you want on me". This pervert stayed in my home for 16+years and ate the same food, slept in the only hall. I can count on how many boys/girls/ladies he and his other perverts did.


My parents were repeatedly asking me let the carpentery work be over!!!! and aparantly he will leave. Life is moving normal. except for few times my father and mother asking me to eat. Nothing has changed. I shouted at my mom to learn the gravity of what he has done and learn to support your son and not a pervert.


For various reasons, I feel very isolated in the socalled family. I am just a showpiece for my parents. Aparantly everyone has their own life and they dont want a problem. They want only gains from my showpiece.


My parents and brother had breakfast lunch + coffee. I havent had a morsel for 1.5 days. Neither bathed. Today I also had to breakup with a potential marriage prospect. Feel sick with life. I have a major career change in 15 days. Have to relocate to a different country. I dont want to stay/see my parents anymore. Dont know where to go as well for next 15 days. My friends are all busy with family. Ironically, I hated coming to my brothers home and was staying in a lodge for 4 months in a different city, and came under insistence by my parents two days ago.


To all mothers and fathers. Perverts are just around. May be your own kinsmen. Train your kids and please don't let them down, if they share and when it happens to be a known close relative/friend. These abusers have killed my childhood

 

1. When it happens during childhood, the child doesn't know what is being done to him/her.
2. The same child during adolescence might have different coloured interpretation of biological growing up.
3. With the thoughts of marriage/relationship (may be college days or early twenties), question of intimacy may be coloured being a victim of perversion. Only medics can correct me, some of them may develop extreme view and cannot (or difficult to) get into any form of physical relationship.
As life moves on, some of them can never overcome their past (may be clinical counselling could help), some of them learn to live with it and others move on (and possibly protect other loved ones from perverts).


@vidhyabaskar I am unable to generalise, madam. In my case, I had kept it hidden with effects as only occasional thoughts and feelings. After 18+ age, I wanted to pour it out and never did it out of shame. I am reasonably confident to handle marital relationship.
When the abusers are strangers, you may never meet them.
When they happen to be known persons, how you re-live with the past also varies (I think so).


I thought to handle him, being careful and yet in self-denial was an approach and adopted the same over the years (may be 17+ age onwards). May be once/twice in a year during death or marriage, I stumble upon him and have treated him just like another person "outwardly".


Yes this is the first time I am speaking about it not just with parents. Once I attempted to share with my friend a decade ago, but couldn't/didn't even start.


As such there were problems within the family, this pervert was taking side and that made me wild.
My parents were sad yesterday night. Today morning, I ate.


Another reason for my post(apart from venting/emptying off, getting advice and hopefully creating awareness), is that when someone opens up, the level and kind of support applicable to a victim child/youth/adult may vary. What are your views? I didnt know what to expect when I poured out. Is this the place counselling can help?


Have you watched few scenes of the movie Monsoon wedding. One of the key threads in the story was about this woman who meets her child abuser after decades (who continues to be a pervert with grey hair), prevents another child victim and outburst. Classic.


Recent expose of perversion in many city schools not sparing even tender babies is alarming!!!! Parents have huge role to play in actively being vigilant.


Thank you @catwalk @vidhyabaskar @Grihani @vanithasudhir for your empathy and advice.
@Grihani, I watched the video by Aamir khan. Thank you.


This forum is a big boon for women (and some men like me as well) by women. I have read a bit in the marriage sections (as a part of my getting ready) and never posted anything. Indusladies simply stands out as one of the best websites for desi ladies. My wishes for this to grow to greater heights.


Thank you admin/moderator for some very useful threads and link below the first post. Thank you.

 

Should I share about this to my marriage alliance? If so at what stage first meet, before engagement, after marriage? or When I am pretty sure, she is the one who will be my life-partner.
On few threads, I have read about a husband sharing it later after marriage.