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sex outside marriage

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by kknew4, Jan 20, 2012.

  1. kknew4

    kknew4 New IL'ite

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    I do agree. But need to be more practicle. child is 7+ and understand only love and emotions. currently child doesn't understand what is good and who is right or wrong. I am thinking I will give some years while child understand and will try then. till then I will have only option to rely on child wishes - believe me I can try to get forcefully but it not just child but won't make me happy either and I will end up being a moral police.


     
  2. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    in reality...even if eye for an eye may work temporarily...down the line it would haunt a person who has moral values...no matter how much a person gets carried away in revenge....the persons basic values wont change...and who has some set principles/values ends up feeling miserable after such temporary revenge.

    If OP doesnt go for divorce...it would just eat him away mentally over time...some affect may be on the kid in terms of insecurities etc...therapist is needed very much in such cases..so that a person can be taught or made realise, how to stand up for themselves..or handle the situation..
     
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  3. Reflection123

    Reflection123 New IL'ite

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    I hope ur evidences are strong enough for your conviction that she is definitely cheating on you. Because --what if you are wrong??
    However, for the current situation... I will assume that you're right, and in that case --your wife is morally a low person with very little ethics. Living with such a lady is going to be very painful for any guy...and if she is truly so unethical, you should not live with her.

    What kind of a mother is she in your opinion to your child? Do you think she will take good care of your child? If you have doubts about the kind of upbringing your child will get from her---you should fight for your child's custody and that's in your child's best interest. Keeping your child's best interest in mind is the duty of every parent. Your child will be upset separating from her--but if that's good for the child, please take the responsibility.

    If you're insecure of the permanent outcomes of divorce...get a decree of legal separation from the family court.
     
  4. kknew4

    kknew4 New IL'ite

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    I don't know if there are better therapist then the one I had... but after 15+ sessions, therapist said that evanatually it is you only who would need to make a decision. she said that ask with your heart (and not mind) to see if you can forgive and want to save marriage and think about kid. she also said that 'that' person has to be out of picture. So even I can try to ignore the physical part, having 'him' out of our lives is just no feasible. Also in forgive, the issue is that wife doesn't accept anything wrong so she is like she didn't do anything wrong so there is no Q for forgiveness and If I show her evidence then she wouldn't want to live after that (even I wouldn't).
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2012
  5. kknew4

    kknew4 New IL'ite

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    for child, she wants to be a great mother. Only issue is that probably she doesn't understand how it can be possible while she is living in this way. Also, she thinks that since no one is perfect, she might have made mistake but it is ok -even it is ethically wrong. She also want to keep reminding herself that I may be also doing something similar so that it is nothing wrong. I don't know if I mentioned before but she said that she knows what you would do if you are alone with a woman while she is not around.
     
  6. indus2

    indus2 Senior IL'ite

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    Where do you want to start ? Should we start at the very top ......at none other than Ved Vyasa, the writer of these scriptures ? Do you know how he was born ?
     
  7. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    As it happens I actually do . He was born to satyavati and sage Parashara.
    Parashara was single and so was satyavati(unmarried daughter of a ferry man).
    This is pre-marital sex for satyavati and Vyasa was a child born out of wed-lock.
    EMA is different.
    Next...
     
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  8. bukbuk

    bukbuk Silver IL'ite

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    This one to one debate on analysis of scriptures regarding EMA should be held in a separate thread, IMO. That will be a great way to showcase one's deep mythological knowledge to each other. It doesn't seem like OP or anyone else has acknowledged or for that matter even interested in digging into scriptures. How ved vyasa was born is clearly not OP's problem. His problem is much beyond that. In any case, to me this looks like hijacking this thread. And BTW, one should practise what they preach:coffee
     
  9. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    The poster based his entire post on a false statement .....
    That EMA /adultery is NOT Adharmic . I consider this misleading the OP.
    No religion today condones Adultery .

    When a post misleads the OP with incorrect facts or statistics I am justified in asking for a clarification.

    And no I dont intend continuing 1-1 with the poster about scriptures.
     
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  10. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    IMO, OP just wants to vent here. let him. He seems to be aware of all the possible ways to deal with the crisis.
     

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