sex outside marriage

hi, I am male (42y) from Mumbai. I hope I am allowed to post as it is a ladies forum.
we are married for 12y and have one 8y old child. life was going ok..but recently i discovered that my wife started a fun sex with a male (who is also married) from her family friend's house. This could happen only 3-4 times over a period of 4 years as she could only got this much opportunities to be with him while I am away. She consider him best friend and tells everything. After knowing, I am literally devastated and in full of depression. its very difficult to concentrate on work. I have talked to her but she won't ack under any circumtances including if we need to seperate out. I look all options including divorce but its very difficult to be away with child. I always wanted to be both parents around her. Few people advise me to ignore this and focus on your kid and yourself. but I don't know how would be my life while this will keep going (there is not a option to stop or 'that person go away' because the area we live). Since she didn't ack, from her side this thing never happened . I can divorce her but then I will be alone as I don't want to start new relationship in the late phase of life - I wanted to do something else on carrier side. But also I don't want to live in this mess. its very difficult for a person to be in who didn't do any thing like this.

Pls assume what i stated are confirmed facts.
I am looking forward to see your views and help in my situation.

 

yes..there is evidence. i haven't post intentionally in here. thanks for a great advise on my behavior with her in front of child. I have been struggling with this. I have been knowing this since last 10 monts so things are a bit settled and I am able to digest the info and is more calm. I think the main issue is that I am not able to start the seperation steps because probably i had strong feelings for her and she is the only one I had in my life. I never thought about others or if there is a such possibility. From her side, she is ok if I am not going to be in her life. she said she had got all good and she destroyed and now is going to lose eveything but if this is how it is then she is ok. She came from a different background where her mother had similar things and think that these are very common things happening these days. So they believe if I am seperating out then basically destroying family for nothing and I am giving too much attention to this and trying to be perfect. So i posted here to understand if this is a big deal ? She had sex few times and will keep doing it but I would have everything stable and be with my child. OR I seperate out and go thru divorce, maintainance, losing child, losing family, be alone and back to square one when I got married.

 

I don't think it is due to neglecting her or related to child birth. I could sense long back where this will go based on the way she established the life for herself. she would keep that person around and share everything and as soon as she got an opportunity and matuarity, she started this. on love side, she says if she does everythig in the house, take care of me, child, living and doing all things as needed, no fighting, no shouting then what else you need & why you are talking about love?
I had sat with her alone in a quite place and talk about this. At the point when she sees the pain inside me due to this and with my assurance that I would never tell this to anyone else, she would go ahead and say that she make mistakes and all sorry, you are better than me etc..but there nothing she can do for that now (btw this is not the evidance). This is when she is with me in a very close and confortable settings. Her mom told her that you would never ever confess these things to your husband so i can see when she is just stuck and helpless. As soon as we finish talking, she would become like normal - assuming I won't talk about anything what we had discussed and also if I tried to talk and ask more to clarify, she would say that she didn't say anything like that and she was just pretending something and nothing happened like this. These talks happened long back and i am not doing anymore. There is no doubt that she can see my condition and kind of of suggesting that she is ok if I do sex with whoever so that I won't conside this a big deal. Based on my understanding on her, I know even I push her to make sure she doesn't do this again and she agrees, I won't be surprise to know later that she is again end up doing - and may come up some excuse if caught (and then sorry...and you can do what you want thing). Pretty much conclusion is that - she will never ack even if we need to seperate out, and it is upto me to decide if I want to live togather in this situation. There are yound ladies in different families who live around the house are kind of aware of what she is doing and they just look at me helplessly.
This thing is not started suddenly. in initial phase of marriage, in her behavior there was lying, hiding things, doing things on my back and stealing (but no sex). We had discussed these and fight with each other and then I talked to my relatives/parents and eveyone suggested me to ignore these as these are small things and they and her mom told me that she is just like kid and when she became mature she would understand.
maintainance and other stuff is not expected to be smooth due to her parents and can go in any direction. But at this point I am not sure if anything in this situation is in my favor.

 

well, I can make a decision as to live w her or wo. while it is a serious issue for me and unthinkable act and I can't forget and forgive easily, I am afraid to make a wrong decision especially when child involve and if others don't see this as major issue. People told me what if you were not aware of this then you would be keep living together. Probably I am looking on how other sees this situation and this probably help me making a right decision. for example, I did capture this in your response - 'or contiue with this sham'.