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Set your priorities straight......Just don't blame someone.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by kitty123, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. momtoanushi

    momtoanushi New IL'ite

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    I dont get the point of this discussion , dont the IL's always advise to the ladies seeking advise here to be assertive , try talking it out with the hubby ,to be strong and to speak up for themselves...dont we all know this already....the subject line is confusing maybe it should have read "how i changed my life/my hubby by being assertive" or something like that.
    In any case I agree with some of the ladies here, the kudos goes to her husband who is willing to change and to realise that he has grown up and time has come to cut the apron strings.
     
  2. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    How about we throw some of that Kitty's way? It looks to me like she's the one who did a lot of hard work to get him to realise these things.
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Ansuya, then the title of this post should be prefixed with - "My Mantra" or "Attitude for financially able ladies"..
    To me it appears as a great setback to ladies who are already frustrated that their point of view is never being implemented and who are being reduced to day help and meet with emotional or physical violence if they mention or set their prority. There was a thread which mentioned that OPs DH told her you have no say since you dont get in money & her inlaws were the ones who threatened to stop marriage if she continued further studies or work or had to leave work due to relocation to US. There are house where everything that a lady says is met with great resistance and she's reduced to nothing and a shattered self confidence.

    Ok I'll take my case.. my MIL has set her priority that she cant leave her city, her relatives, daughter , her frndz, her house etc etc.
    I've set my priority of my career and an independent setup & avoiding her sarcasms.. now since our priorities dont match there's a forever conflict and the men in the house are bearing the brunt.. which is finally passed on to ladies. I can stick to my priority since I can manage myself financially and have freedom of speech cos I can take eventualities...

    WE put too much of the power to run our own lives in the hands of husbands and in-laws.
    This is exactly the case during slavery which was eradicated only with law enforcement.... now there are still many families who reduce a lady to a slave.. and no human loves to become a slave out of choice.. but is in a weakest situation to bear the torture & has no where else to go better than the current. YOU GET POWER in this society only IF YOU HAVE MONEY and STREET SMARTNESS to deal with people... which sadly is not taught in schools ... and also many families force their DILs to quit job or get out of touch with parents so that they have NO financial freedom.
     
  4. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kitty/Keertana,

    Let me congratulate you on your post/thread which has been nominated for the FP of the month.

    I admire your clear thinking attitude towards life. This is what is desired when one educates herself in the true sense! Win an insight towards one's life and how to live it. Ofcourse this quality is something inherent and education can only aid it.

    From the number of fbs and from the length of the thread, it is easy to see how it has provoked everyone! Some may not totally agree with your views while for some it may sound impossible and is impossible. But when possible, all of us women should assert our rights and try to live our lives to the full. After all, there is only one life! There is bound to be some hurt egos, but is it not better than leading a life full of hurt?

    L, Kamla
     
  5. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Hi kitty,
    congrats on being nominated for the finest post of the month. Yes, what you have said is fully correct. We may give many reasons for not being assertive but they are only excuses. The fact is that we are not ready to face the consequences when we speak out our mind. I have been keeping mum for many years now but I am only sad all the time and nothing happens evne after adjusting to the end. I should be ready to face the consequences when I take a decision.
    I salute your resolve. Many may say that you are arrogant or too independent but that is the name one gets when one tries to be happy. You have made me think about my position and about what I should do.
     
  6. saheli08

    saheli08 New IL'ite

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    Dear kitty,
    You are one smart , intelligent gal. keep it up. Your are someone I want to be someday, although I had to go through a long roller coaster ride to understand that.
    I know we indian women somehow are reluctant to be rebellious, direct and frank as to what we want. Having the guts to say the things you feel requires courage ( in my case), that way the other person also knows exactly what you want. if they agree, fine if not, you have the choice.

    My problem was having trouble saying "no" and the " what will the other person think" or " what if they get angry" mentality..........and I suffered a lot, fom dh and inlaws..............but no more.........I'm working on it , not quite there yet!!

    live life!:thumbsup
     

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