1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Seriously Why Don't They Understand....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by blackbeauty84, Jan 4, 2017.

  1. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,158
    Likes Received:
    3,958
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    My colleague(male) is married for three years. He and his wife are having some or other small fights. She works in UK shift and he works in Indian shift. They are living in a joint family with his mother and unmarried sister.Seems she has complained that they don't get to spend enough time these days.
    So this guy decided to surprise on new year(good) and books a table at five star hotel on new year(very good). Yesterday he came and complained to me that his wife is very angry post the dinner on new year.
    I asked him what happened. He said he also booked the table for his mom, sister and took them along. He couldn't understand what was wrong and I'm trying to explain him the same. Seriously why don't men really understand when wife says they need to spend time together.
    I think in this case his wife would have been happy if he took her for a long drive alone than dinner with family... Sigh...
     
    Loading...

  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,679
    Likes Received:
    11,024
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    I think Indian men are wired that way only. This posts reminds me of my newly wedded times.
    Like your friend's wife, I too have complained to my H that we did not spend quality time together as newly wedded, since we both worked in 2 different countries then. We were just newly wedded, and got to meet each other for 10 days in 6 months in our home country.
    And we spend those 10 days together with each set of families, thus there was no privacy.

    So my H planned a second honey moon to Maldives, and booked special holiday packages and sent me the links to excite me. I was so excited and looked forward to the trip together with him.

    Only the previous day of the trip itself, I was notified that he has invited everyone to join us. His parents, siblings, best friend, my mom, sister and my uncle's son.
    The whole gang was happily preparing for the trip, while I was too moody for the disappointed dream.
    He then complained me for not coorporating when he had planned and spent a lot ONLY to make me happy.

    After several of such messes, I have advised him to "ask" me before he plans any such surprises.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2017
  3. beautifullife30

    beautifullife30 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,129
    Likes Received:
    2,262
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    haha...men are men!

    seriously, jokes apart.....I think I am able to understand why men do such things better now. You see, I am in a joint family set-up but with my side....not his.

    so you can very well imagine, when there are misunderstandings, its me who gets jammed in between my parents and my H. Since its the girl's side, I make my mom understand that there are some things that she should understand and adjust. and this keeps happening frequently and I spend long sessions with my mom talking and explaining.

    If it was a guy who was getting sandwiched, I don't think he would have the time or the sense to talk his family to make them understand the needs of his wife. I think he might either be terrified or feeling guilty for enjoying alone while his parents are at home or wouldn't want to hurt to his parents (if they are the controlling types) by suggesting he needs to send some time alone with his wife.
     
    blackbeauty84, IniyaaSri and Rajeni like this.
  4. Rajeni

    Rajeni Moderator Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,257
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    Lol.. Manufacturing Defect!

    I keep hearing this all family trips, outings and worse honeymoons! My Cousin's wife used to tell me that her honeymoon was to a pilgrim place with entire family. Me - "Oh Anni really? But, you didnt invite me to your honeymoon!" She - "I should have done that too, for marrying your bro!"

    But, when the majority crowd is like this, how come FB is flooded with pictures of honeymoon/vacation pictures of couples celebrating alone? May be some women have taken things completely in their hands? Wondering!
     
    sindmani, nakshatra1 and SunPa like this.
  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,679
    Likes Received:
    11,024
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    I can answer this question....
    No matter how many others are joining the trip, you go with your H and take pics as much as you want. Take family pics too for the memory or at least to please others. But post only the couple pics in FB and pretend as if you had a romantic honeymoon.
    I did that. Not to fool my FB followers, but I did not want to post a group pic as my honeymoon pic then.

    Have you ever wondered as to who was the photographer to all the perfect couple pics? In our case, it was the others who joined us.
     
    sindmani, nakshatra1 and BeingSoulful like this.
  6. Rajeni

    Rajeni Moderator Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,257
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Trophy Points:
    290
    Gender:
    Female
    Makes sense! When the reality is like this, there are ppl who envy the FB posts and think that they ended up with an unromantic person while the rest of the world is living in a fairy tale!
     
    sumzaya likes this.
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,679
    Likes Received:
    11,024
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Social media or media in that sense should be taken with a pinch of salt. It is common sense.
    No one post their sob story or day today hiccups or their financial troubles in FB, but only the happy moments and colorful events are decorated in their wall.
    Does that mean they are free from usual problems?

    Likewise, IL relationship forums are full of MIL/DIL sob stories, as if the married life of so called lites are almost over. Does that mean they have no other bright side at all?
    Since this forum is anonymous, they vent their problems here.
    Since FB is public, they post their happy moments there.
    But life is a mixture of everything. It is upto the viewer to apply some commonsense and understand.
     
  8. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,158
    Likes Received:
    3,958
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Hmmmm.. says the wife whose husband is till planning for honeymoon post 2.5 years of marraige ;-)
     
  9. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,158
    Likes Received:
    3,958
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Completely agree with you SGBV. These days many develop some unrealistic expectations because of FB. Finally whether you go out or not, go for honeymoon or not what works for you as couple matters!!
    My hubby is still planning for honeymoon trip but during early days of marriage we went for many long drives which gave many memorable moments. This worked for us but may not for many.
     
    sindmani and SGBV like this.
  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,137
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    They understand but it is not important enough for them.

    A lot of guys living in joint families are scared to make a special gesture only for the wife(even if they want to).Blame their upbringing and cowardice for that.

    A lot of men in jfs think wife is not important enough to take the risk of upsetting the rest of the family.

    Some are cheap and don't want to spend on wife alone...so turn everything into family affair.

    This guy was wrong to choose new year .New year is a time to spend with family.It would be wrong to leave mom and sis at home anyways...or the guy was too smart.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2017
    guesshoo likes this.

Share This Page