Serious Problem - Please Help/suggest

Vaishnaviayyar1 · Mar 30, 2018

One of my cousin lost his wife and he had a 7 month baby at that time. The wifes family felt he couldn't live alone with a baby and took initiatives to find a girl for him. They did find a wonderful girl but she had some fertility issues..The girl and boy were interested so they went ahead. The girl now has a great bond with her baby daughter. The little girl adores her mother and wouldn't eat food without her mom. So sometimes life works out Itself and these days many guys are very open minded. Some chose not to have any biological children as they favor adoption themselves. So it's very important to stay optimistic and I believe things will definitely work out

Brevity · Mar 30, 2018

This post is close to my heart. My 14 year old daughter has a diagnosis that has resulted in her never being able to have biological kids of her own. Her health is otherwise good. I have mourned the issue, come to terms with it.

With her being 14, she does not understand it completely and is a happy little girl. When she grows up and reaches mid-twenties we will have to face this issue all over again. I hope she meets someone who will love her and want her as a partner even with her problems. I realize that the chance of an arranged marriage is almost out of picture.

My other thought is to encourage her to adopt even without a partner if she wants it. I personally know of happy fulfilled single women with a satisfying career who adopted. It can fulfil the basic need of humans to parent, feel wanted, to contribute to next generation and so on.

You need to let her accept this as a loss, mourn it, support her through it and help her come out of it and make it her strength.

Hope your daughter comes to term with her loss soon and also appreciate the abundance in store for her.

Hugs to you and you daughter...

Deborah · Mar 31, 2018

Dear OP - first of all,have a heart to heart talk with your daughter and ask what does she want from her life in all the aspects- career,relationship,family.Tell her that she has all your support in whatever her heart desires. If she is getting sad that she might not be able to become a mother ,seriously ask her to consider adopting an infant. And marriage is not necessary for this but being financially independent is.And if she doubts that she might not be able to get married because of her medical problem,tell her to leave this to life and just go on with other aspects of it.Who knows what life may bring along. And a man who thinks she is not a good match because of her being unable to conceive never had just having a good wife as his priority.She must have her own set of priorities.And as cliched as it may sound ,her own life (without being anyone's wife or mother ) is worth a lot too. 'Social norms' and 'what people will say ' are too trivial a things when we think of life in a bigger aspect.Being happy as who we are is more important.Your being optimistic will keep her spirits up.

There are many mortal examples of a changing world and changing times. Sushmita Sen adopted 2 baby girls and they are now a happy family of 3.There is another person ,a man this time (I don't know his name but have seen articles on social media) who adopted a baby boy suffering from Down syndrome even before he got married.He is married now.In other words,there is no set definition of a family or how one comes to have a family .

lavani · Mar 31, 2018

dear madam. I do not disagree with you. It is one thing when you can have a child but prefer not to have one and either adopt or not have one. And it is totally another thing when you feel that you will later want a child but can never have it.

the person who is going through that pain can only feel it .

i do not have anything to tell more. Lot of good feedback.

What i would suggest is to narrow it down and focus only one thing.

take care of your daughter's depression. take her to counselling, medication only if needed. then worry about this later.

Rosey2018 · Apr 20, 2018

Bless your daughter she’s been through a lot hasn’t she. I don’t think you should worry about her marriage as the right person will come along just like for any other girl.

Don’t lower your standards because of the procedure. She’s not different to anyone else. Loads of people even men can’t have children.

Find someone who is educated and knowledgeable and mature enough to know about these things and is okay with it. Don’t just accept soemone who just wants to get married as soon as possible and says yeah that’s fine. Talk it out with them.

An arranged marriage would work. Yes there are understanding men and it would work you just have to have faith in GOd and pray.

I pray your daughter finds a man who will be right for her and do right by her

roopa9 · Apr 25, 2018

DeepaJ65 said: ↑

This is my first post in IL. Hope you guys help me out of my misery.

Well to tell it in a gist, My daughter (currently 29 years) had her uterus & ovaries removed at a tender age of 18 years following multiple reoccurring fibroids & operations to prevent it from spreading to other parts in abdomen.
As it worsened to the point where we had to chose between her fertility and her life.
God gave us courage through the tough time and we overcomed together in family.

But from past few years there is a silent feeling of sorrow in our family when we see girls her age /friends getting married and moving ahead in their life. Our blessings to these beautiful souls !
But somehow my daughters life has became stagnant. She is unsure, hazy of her life, relationships, future.
To make it worse she underwent depression in the grief over past trauma and uncertainty of her future. Her life is not like any other normal girl. When she is social with friends, family & cousins she is normal but when back alone and at home she is the same quiet, no zeal & silent.
She has been hesitant to go in any relationship during her young age due to the same to avoid losing it when things are disclosed as any family would not really accept it.

She has been a achiever in her school/college and was very ambitious and hard working girl with sky as the limit.
But due to this even this is fading. She is drained, depressed and is unable to handle stress, not enjoying her career/job in short not full of life.

We feel its time she should get married/ find a suitable life partner/soulmate to have an emotional support system & strength when we are no more with her as she is the only child and is a nuclear family. It will also help to overcome her past.

But now the problem arises -
1 How should we go ahead with her marriage
2 What kind of boy/family will accept this (if ever)?
3 Will arrange marriage will ever be a solution to this ?
4 Will there be someone who becomes her strength, be understanding and have a normal cheerful life.

There are so many worries daunting us about her marriage/future to me and my husband and is sinking us too.
Anyone who could help/suggest will be really appreciated.
Click to expand...

Hi Mam,

I understand the pain you are going through. Your tremonduos support is all that she will need now.
After all, love and care are all that a person need before anything. Eventhough, you are worried about her future please dont show to her.
Myself, a vitiligo patient from age 10, has experienced enough pain and bullying. I had good belief in God, eventhough I had times when I was very low, I went through it and moved on.
My mother was in your current state then. Today, I am happy to say that I am married to a very wonderful person(ofcourse he too has vitiligo like me) and I am happy for my decision of marrying him.
I do have other issues related to fertility due to my late marriage but his love towards me is helping me to get through everything.

A day will come when all these pains will vanish and you will be happy looking at your daughter. Have faith in God, be positive. Help her in building her confidence and shower your love.
Rest, everything will fall in place at right time.

God bless!