Selfish SIL is my decision right?

SS111112 · Jan 31, 2016

Hello friends ,

Feeling irritated with SIL behaviour. After my baby birth till now she hadn't gifted anything to baby . Instead whatever we gift to her and her kids she takes . Feeling very low when everyone ask what baby's Aunty gifted her.
Now I m not feeling like talking to her. Let me know what should be done in this situation . I am not greedy nor she is poor . I am just expecting some love from her side for my baby which I think is just drama in front of her brother.

Sapna56 · Jan 31, 2016

Just while talking with her say that friends or relatives where asking what did baby's aunty got for the baby. See what is her reaction. Regarding people just tell them that aunty did gift something.

yellowmango · Jan 31, 2016

C'mon OP...gifts are gifts.They make sense if they are given/ taken with out expectations.

If you feel you are giving and she is not....then you reduce your gifts too.
Your lovely baby deserves gifts that are given with love .You buy one for the baby.

If some one asks...just smile or say,she must have forgotten.

Besides.....don't give up on relations.Sometimes the ones who do not show love and gifts are the ones who step up when you need them the most.Unless she is nasty to you otherwise,don't let this spoil relations.

Here is a gift for your little one with tons of love and hugs:gift

kcb · Jan 31, 2016

Dear OP,

Other than this gift issue, how is your relation with your sil?

If she is a nice lady, then forget about this gift issue, bcoz you should not spoil your relation with her just for this.

More over we cannot measure someone's love & affection just based on the gifts they give. May be sometimes people give gifts just for formality sake. May be your sil truly loves the baby, in that case gifts doesn't matter.

Justanotherwife · Jan 31, 2016

I agree with all the above comments and here is a gift from my side too for your LO :gift but I want to know if you mentioned this to your DH and what is his response. Not as a complaint but just as a matter of fact, casually, to know his reaction as father and brother.

SS111112 · Feb 2, 2016

Thank you all for your response.. My relationship with her is not so good. Since we are staying abroad we can only speak through phone or net. But she doesn't call me . Only msg or calls her bro that's all, talks to him and baby not even bothers to talk to me in phone . Moreover her relation with my hubby is also not so good thy always fight for small things and don't talk for years. She is very close to another brother and talks so nicely to him and his wife . Even when she has fight with my co sis she only goes and talks to her. When we r in India they all seems to behave like one family and me sitting and watching there drama like stranger. I did discuss this issue with him ad he seems to be not so interested if someone doesn't care or love his baby. But he says I will gift things to her kids because they are good to me. And continues his talks normally with her.

SS111112 · Feb 2, 2016

And forgot to mention THANK YOU all the gifts . Actually what makes me feel sad is she can very well effort to buy gifts but she behaves like neighbours who just talks to baby love her but when it comes to spending money become selfish. From my side of relatives even my poorest family has got one frock to baby when they came to see her and they made her wore that and felt so happy seeing baby wearing dress what they got. Even I was so happy seeing their love and happiness.
I am sure she is just using my husband and doesn't have any emotional feel for baby.

ndl · Feb 2, 2016

Hi SS111112,

I have seen the same kind of behavior from some of my relatives. Thinking about your SIL's behavior and analyzing it won't help you as some people don't change. Let your hubby talk to his sister and her kids as per his wish. We can't control the behavior of others so we should change ourselves. I have learned from my experience that it's not necessary for all family members to like each other and gift each other. We should keep our expectations of others very low as then they don't disappoint us. Lots of love and blessings to your baby.

kcb · Feb 2, 2016

SS111112 said: ↑

Thank you all for your response.. My relationship with her is not so good. Since we are staying abroad we can only speak through phone or net. But she doesn't call me . Only msg or calls her bro that's all, talks to him and baby not even bothers to talk to me in phone . Moreover her relation with my hubby is also not so good thy always fight for small things and don't talk for years. She is very close to another brother and talks so nicely to him and his wife . Even when she has fight with my co sis she only goes and talks to her. When we r in India they all seems to behave like one family and me sitting and watching there drama like stranger. I did discuss this issue with him ad he seems to be not so interested if someone doesn't care or love his baby. But he says I will gift things to her kids because they are good to me. And continues his talks normally with her.
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Dear OP, I can understand your feelings. Pls don't feel that i am taking your sil side. It's only that am trying to figure out from the point of hers. Sometimes we have to think from the other person's side also, especially in relations & if needed we need to make some adjustments and compromises to save the relation.

You mentioned that, she calls and speaks to her brother only. I think she is in India, calls from India to abroad costs so much. I always tell my all family members in India to just leave a missed call and always i call them back, bcoz calling from abroad is cheaper than calling from India. But still she is calling her brother. It's good thing. OK i agree she is not calling you, but have you ever called her on your own? sometimes we have to think what effort i am putting in this relation instead of expecting the other person to take initiative.

You said, your husband & sil fight and don't talk. That's ok, they grown up together under one roof, they are brother & sister, it's common between siblings.

Another thing you mentioned, your husband says he gives gifts to her kids because they are good with him - i don't see any wrong in that, he is your husband but at the same time he is your sil's brother. You have to accept the truth that your misunderstanding should not impact their relation. Yes, after marriage a man becomes a husband, but at the same time we should not forget that he still has other relations and he is a son & brother to someone.

Instead of feeling bad like this, why don't you take initiative and sort the misunderstandings with your sil & improve your relation with her.

SS111112 · Feb 2, 2016

Thank you KCB for your suggestions. She never spends money on calls. Just call via watsapp or send msg .. We only call everyone from here since it's cheaper compare to calling from India. I have sent msg to her but she don't reply if she does it will be very formal. Anyways thanks everyone for the suggestions.