Selfish husband and In-laws

YM123 · Mar 5, 2014

Hi everyone,

I got married in June, 2011 and came to U.S. in July, 2011. from the 1st day after coming here my H always spoke to me in a very rude manner. Because he didn't want me to come here in a very short period but his parents and my parents forced him to bring me here (U.S.). Within one week he asked me to prepare for GRE, TOEFL because I should get a job and support myself and that I will be a burden to him if I don't have job. We never went out or enjoyed after getting married. My mother and brother passed away within a span of 6 months in 2013. Even in this bad situation, he never cared about my feelings and the worst part I am going through. The only thing he is concerned is "I should get a job". Currently, I am studying Masters and he joined me in some software training institute. I will attend classes for Masters twice a week, on weekends, I should attend classes for software training, and I should do all the cooking and cleaning stuff too. He won't help me in doing any of these works. I should wake up till 3 A.M. to complete all my work. Its been 3 years since we got married but we never had S**. He always says that I won't look good and I am not physically fit. The worse part is I will be fairer than him. Even his parents are like this. After my mom and brother passed away, they never asked me "How r u". Every member in their family is money-minded. Even after 3 years of marriage, I should get everything from India (from tops, jeans, groceries, money, creams, etc.). These people will never treat me as a human being. The people who loves me a lot left me. I don't want to live anymore but when I think about my dad I am helpless. I can't share these with anyone. So, I am writing to you. I am sorry if I wrote a lengthy note. Forgot to mention he had an affair with a girl and they used to chat when I slept. I don't know whether it continues or not. Because he never sleeps early and always will be with his laptop doing something.

yellowmango · Mar 5, 2014

You haven't had sex in 3 years and he cheated on you. That is enough reason to leave.Finish whatever you are studying...get a job and then leave. The jerk doesn't deserve a wife.

YM123 · Mar 5, 2014

If I leave him, I won't have any other relation except my father.

guesshoo · Mar 5, 2014

Yellowmango as usual got to the crux of the matter instantly and gave you the solution which I am going to give in a more wordy reply!

First of all, my heartfelt condolences for your losses. They are unimaginable. And a big hug to you. It may seem extremely bleak at this point but do hang in there.

Finish your studies. Get a job. Then ditch the loser. You don't need a heartless, slave-driver in your life. Consider it like this - for all the cooking and cleaning you have done for him, he is sponsoring your education(he is, isn't he?) Once you know you can stand on your own, leave.

I suggest you contact the domestic abuse helpline in your area or go to a counsellor in your school. They will help you get a plan put together to take control of your life. Also consult a lawyer about you rights. Figure out how your visa status might be affected when you leave him. It is just my opinion that it is easier to stay overseas, beyond the prying eyes of the judgemental, interfering relatives, during those trying times.

stay strong. Hugs again
G

guesshoo · Mar 5, 2014

YM123 said: ↑

If I leave him, I won't have any other relation except my father.
Click to expand...

You have only your father now. You do not have a husband. Certainly you deserve better.

yellowmango · Mar 5, 2014

You still don't have any relation other than your father. You can't call what you have with this man a relationship. You won't have a second chance at having a relationship with anyone as long as you stay in this so called relationship. You deserve better....everyone deserves better.

Finish your studies...get a job and become independent. Once you do that ...you may realize you are worth much more than what you are getting in this relationship.

Not asking you to jump out of it immediately.....work on yourself and keep assessing your worth in this marriage. Once you are capable of making a decision...make it one way or the other.Once you are more valuable to yourself,you will be able to stand up to this man and ask him why he is shortchanging you,why is he not treating you like a wife deserves to be treated. His response will tell you what to do.

YM123 · Mar 5, 2014

Thanks for all your help. I will be converted to student visa soon and I will get a work-permit to work in U.S. I don't have any relatives to go. So, I have to stay here itself.

soulhappy · Mar 5, 2014

Dear YM123,
I feel very sorry for you. Hugs to you sweetheart. Please leave that heartless person. I had same issues regarding intimate life with my husband. I was heavy 72 kgs for 5 feet 4 inches and he used to put me down. Your husband is way too worse.. am not comparing but him having an affair...Find a good job, leave him, earn and support your dad in his oldage and find a compatible match in future.

LEAVE HIM and never speak to his relatives who put you down.

ALL THE BEST. WITH PRAYERS, S

pinky2cute · Mar 5, 2014

YM123 said: ↑

If I leave him, I won't have any other relation except my father.
Click to expand...

Does that matter dear? How can you stay with a man who acts like a stranger to you inspite of being married for 3yrs??? You have your own identity.
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and brother's loss.

Think of yourself and your father now. Even he would be alone. You must file a case on your hubby and file for divorce. Leave his house after finding a one for yourself. Finish your masters and find a job and call your dad there to be with you.

I know its easier said than done but there's no point in living with a person under same roof even after knowing his character.

YM123 · Mar 5, 2014

I used to be 55 kgs for 5'3". Even though he used to call me fat. I lost hope on men and I don't want to get into another relationship even after I leave this heartless idiot. I just want to get a good job and look after my dad. There is not even a single person who can take care of me and my problems.