Self reliance or self confidence

• It is pleasant watching today's children grow.While we remember with pride how we , some 13 children sat around the open yard and our grandma brought a big vessel of vaththal kuzhambu sadham and placed a small ball of rice in our tiny hands, and how the first child will be licking his empty fingers until his 2nd turn arrives.So much of fondling!
• Just in contrast, in US my 5 year old grandson knows how to make bread toast, apply peanut butter or select his own serials from the approved items from the pantry and take his brakfast, place the bowl into the sink.
• He looks to the day's temperature and knows whether to take the jacket to school or not.They allow the kids to do simple tasks by themselves and to make mistakes.
• My daughter-in-law allows him to take small decision, never mind, he goes wrong.
• . The outcome is really surprising. Now aged 7, he keeps up the schedules, finishes of in time .practises violin . Even in his mother's absence, he won't proceed if he misses the shruthi or commits any mistake. If I try to correct him, he immediately says, " Patti, my teacher's pattern is different. Sorry, Patti. Amma knows it better.
• Patti, don't get hurt.. You know certain things better than Amma. She knows certan things better than you."
• Immediately on his mother's arrival he will explain what mistake he had committed and would ask her to correct him.
• One day in my daughter-in-law's presence, I casually asked him whether he wants his parents to be strict or allow him free. He didn't answer my question. But in the evening he

brought a CD from his school library. It was a simple life experience of a baby eagle.

When we see eagles flying at great heights we may think that eagles fly by instinct.Many do not know that if eagles are not taught to fly they will be safe and lazy like ducks.The entire episode ran for 20 mts.

Mother eagle builds nest way up high in a tree,gathers soft things to line the nest.The baby eagles love the soft nest. Mother feeds them bit by bit.When it is time for the baby to fly, the same mother becomes stiff. She removes the soft things one by one,roughens the nest with sharp sticks and thorns and make the nest as uncomfortable as possible for the baby.

The eaglets,losing the comfort zone come near the edge of the nest, look around the world. The mother flaps its wings. The child climbs on it.Mother flies taking the baby on its wings.When the baby feels very secure seating on her mother, the mother dives suddenly,plummating downwards,depriving the baby of its seat.The baby is in a free fall,tumbling down and down.

The mother within seconds catches hold of the baby,comforts and gives some rest.This comfort does not last long.

Once again the mother pushes the baby out in the air.The process gets repeated hundreds of times until the baby is strong enough to fly alone & experiences the thrill of total freedom.
The film was totally absorbing.

The mother,notwithstading its affection makes sure what is good for the baby. The intensive coaching makes the child live on its own.She does not hesitate to make the baby suffer for good.What a great training comparable to army training!

My grandson hugged me and said " Patti, this video is the answer for the question you asked me. I am proud that my mother is like an eagle.I want to be self-reliant' he said.My eyes got moistened.

On many occasions I have felt that people who have lived in a joint family have more of give and take attitude, develop lot of patience, perseverance etc etc.
Now when I see my daughter-in-law bringing up her children in a more disciplined way in a far off land bereft of the affection of grand parents --I feel more proud that she is able to make her children not only self confident, but self reliant.Hats off to her.

Jayasala 42

 

Dear Srama,

Thank you for the response.
I always appreciate young moms who are very responsible these days.
Their chores are altogether different and more challenging from what we did in India, as working mothers.
Children are growing fast, very matured for their age. Of course some elders with a different mindset are unable to appreciate and cope up with the situation.
My mother with her six children was immersed in house chores in a joint family of 25, having no time to think anything other than grinding stones, idlies, dosas and cooking.
In our generation we had a different set of problems even with 2 or three children.
But we had somebody whom we can rely on. Some mothers-in-law like that of mine were very much understanding and adorable. Others had reliable maids.
But in US they have neither,. Whether head ache or fever, the mom has to do everything. Many men take part in domestic chores. But essential responsibility lies with mothers.
Those young mothers deserve much accolades.
Jayasala 42

 

Dear sdiva20,
It is nice of you to have taken good lessons from the eagle.
Jayasala 42

 

Dear Saisakthi,
Thanks for the reply. Days are changing. both moms & kids have to move along with the tide.
Jayasala42

 

Dear Girvani,
That is the spirit.Wish your sons to be self confident and self reliant.
Jayasala 42