Selective amnesia-A blessing.

Like most of the MILs,mine is also a split personality lady.

11 years of marriage and the main thing is she is my aunt,(My father's sister).So,I have known her for years.

So,what is new?

I read the book,"Secret".According to the book,we are attracting things which we think in our mind.Repeated thoughts about an incident ,be it a positive or a negative one,comes true.

For example,if we constantly think about the times we got insulted,it attracts more such incidents in our life.Even if we think that nobody should insult us,the incident will happen.

Yesterday I read another book,"The monk who sold his Ferrari".No doubt ,it is a very good book.

Again,the main theme is to train your mind to think only about productive things and see only positive things in every single happening.

Some interesting quotes from the book.

These are 100% true.

Being brought up in a big joint family ,I have faced a lot of obstacles.Snide remarks of aunts and discouraging words of uncles,avoidance by cousins...You know these things happened only when I score good marks or get prizes .Now ,I can deduct that they did that out of jealousy.But,when I was young I felt so insecured .Anyway ,that helped me a lot to find out a lot about my strengths .

Seeing liars,I have decided not to lie and I am following it strictly for the past 2 1/2 years.

Seeing selfish persons,I have decided not to be like them and still following this principle-"Do good as much as possible ."

These things never haunted me.But,my MIL's behaviour which is still continuing haunts me a lot.

I am free from her tortures and blessed with a very nice DH and two smart kids.

But ,all the past insults keep coming in my mind.No,I am not idle at home.I am busy with my toddler kid and do so many productive works.I meditate and pray God.I have a passion in cooking and always try new dishes.

Still,these thoughts are running parallely in my mind. I always plan to blast her when she visits once in three or four months.But,when I see her I don't want to create a scene and disturb the harmony of our home.

The more I try to forget ,the more I remember.When I read some posts in this forum,I can't stop remembering all those past incidents.

What I ask is ,

1.Are there any techniques to wipe out all those black memories?

2.DH understands and asks me to forgive ILs .But,did they repent for their actions?Are they not going to repeat the same things in future?

Why should I forgive them?

I never think about others who had insulted me in the past.But,these people I cannot forgive.

3.Instead of counting the blessings why are we torturing ourselves for these worthless people.

So,many questions are there.

Instead of lamenting about the horrible ILs,why don't we find tricks and techniques to forget these people and train our mind not to give a damn about them.

 

Dear anikha how to forgive?

Every time ,they visit us ,they follow these cheap tricks.

She is telling the following statement to DH umpteen number of times.

"Your elder brother is worried as he has a girl child.I have told him not to worry as his younger brothers do not have girl children .She is the only girl child of this family.Her chithappas(DH and his second anna) and annas,(My sons and the son of second BIL)will bear all her expenses and take care of her.

My blood boils when she tells this.DH smiles silently when she says this.

When I ask my DH to tell her to stop speaking like this ,as already she has given all her properties,bank balance and jewels to elder BIL,why is she expecting us to give more and more,DH replies,"Who knows about the future?If we are rich enough ,we will give.Otherwise no."

Forgiving paves way for more tortures.

 

Thank you coolgal.

That is the question I ask myself thousand times a day.May be because of my nature .

I didn't say or do anything ,

1.When she said that boy children won't take care of their parents and would leave them in streets whereas girl children takes a very good care.(This statement after her graaaand daughter's birth)

2.When she said only sinners don't have boy children and some one else's child will give them kolli after the death.(When I was newly married and this remarks was towards my mother who has only two girl children ).

3.When she said all the male members of my mother's family would die soon.Again she is referring to my mom's grandpa who passed away when was 75 whereas her grandma is still alive and active.My mom's father passed away at 58 due to low BP.

By this heartless statement she includes my father and my husband in the list.I was hearing this blah blah silently without showing any emotion with a two month male child in my arms.

I can write a lot of her horrible statements.

I really doubt this:

Does she know that I hate her to the core.

 

I was so stupid then,trying hard to get the name good DIL.

I kept silent to let her know that I was not affected by her negative speeches .But,she took it in a wrong way .She is still thinking that I can bear any kind of nonsense.

DH has told me to reply her immediately face to face if she speaks such kind of things.

I am going to try it.It has been four months since I met my ILs.I am waiting for their arrival to give them their own medicine.

May be that's why I keep thinking of the past.

 

Yes,Parvathi.

I pray to Saibaba daily to erase these bad memories ,to remove them from my life.But,according to Baba's sayings,he wants us to give love and affection to all ,even to those who hurt us.

I don't know how it is possible.