Seeking Help On A Lifetime Decision

I did not mean to judge u or make u feel guilty . Who am I to scold u ? I can understand Ur stress and vulnerability due to all the things u faced in Ur life , and how difficult it must be for u . Whatever u have done , it's due to a vulnerable state of mind . But I just have sisterly advice that become strong and maintain distance from now , and take ethical decisions with a clarity of mind so that the child should not suffer due to any wrong decision .

Think carefully that u r really ready to be his wife and mother of this child or not . Motherhood requires lot of sacrifices . U have to understand that his child and ex wife have legitimate share in his property /wealth .She is the child's mother, she will spend it on/give it to her child .If u r worrying then u r not ready.. Motherhood is not just confined to giving emotional support but financial sacrifices too . Dont worry about his property , instead focus on the relationship . All the best to take a right decision .

 

Op...you don't have to feel bad or even justify your doubts if you are having them.
You are a normal human being with normal feelings.
You are not super sacrificing perfect person. None of us are.
There are very few people who can do a good job of taking care of a child selflessly specially if they also have their own children.

All you have to think is whether this is the life you want and if you will be comfortable doing it.

You really cannot tell now how good a job you will be able to do as a step mother because it is all not in your hand. It will depend on a lot of things,most of which are not in your hand.

One important thing you have to deal with is the biological mother.
She may be a cheater but that does not mean she is not a good mother. She will be a big part of her life and will have a huge influence on the child.

Also remember...the expectations from a step mother are far more than a step father .
A man has to be a good step father in the eyes of the child and the mother.
If he is a good provider,he passes.
but a woman has to be perfect mother in the eyes of the world. You will be judged far more harshly for any shortcomings.

Spend time with them and see if you are upto the job required. Does the child know you are involved with her father?

Don't feel bad if you are not sure. Don't force yourself into this role of a sacrificing mother.

Also remember that most men change after marriage.He may not be as charming later
on.

Please don't feel bad about the little intimacy you had.
You are single,he is single and you both have right to do what you want...as long as you both feel it is okay to be intimate before marriage. You seem to be conservative and may feel used if things don't work out.
He is a man...he may feel you are easy.

 

Sorry, I hit a nerve. Didn't mean to. I wish you the very best.

You wrote,

“I am completely dumbstruck that I cant face the reality that I have ended making a wrong decision”.

“he is also much obedient to his family and at times he wont care for my sad feelings.”

You may accidentally find more things. Cool it and untangle your feeling and see how you feel after you distance yourself for a period of time. You are not desperate. Right? (You are only 29) OR perhaps, you already know what you are going to do.

You also write that he says he is ready to wait for me. You wrote, “he prayed to shave his head once I get fine”. Did he shave his head? If he indeed shaved his head, your are not confused.

 

Very good, mature and sensitive answer.

Wish u all the best OP. I will pray that u figure out the right decision and have a loving and happy future .