Seeking Advice: Sister In Law Visiting Often

You are absolutely right Vani I do agree with your point of you....!!!!!

 

Looking at it from another angle, instead of letting them come to your place all the time, why don't you drop by, drop the child, go out for malls n movies, pick the child, come back home.

You don't even have to go out all the time. Drop child, come back, sleep well, go pick child.

Am assuming they don't live too far off considering they are at your place all the time.

This way..
You are getting "couple" time - which is a true luxury after a child.
You don't have to cook, host, anything at your house.
You don't have to worry about her telling anything to anyone or her telling you that you are doing something wrong or right.
You can control the hours of visit.
They get their time with the child too.

I can just imagine how overbearing it must be for you to have someone over all the time without giving you any private family time.

But you can't be too straight to their face. We are stuck with them for life. So some diplomatic but smart actions can save us from more dramas.

We have always lived far away from our families due to our profession and had almost zero family support close by. Couple time or me time were just a fantasy till our child started schooling. Even then it was limited to the school hours.

So If this works right, you will have a good baby sitter in the family itself where you know your child will be well taken care of and you can have your time too as well as them with the child. N your child has more close family members. Win - win for all.

 

I love this idea. It may work

My SIL comes home often with her kids. But she is decent. Does not come to our room even when I am alone.

If she has something to say, she asks me if she can come in.

But she also has this habit of being a part of, in each and every minute of our special moment. Its my ILs who wants her around I guess. Like I celebrated my H's first bday after marriage with my SIL and family, FYI cake was ordered by my SIL, it was a surprise for my H. Like my SIL was there in airport with her kid when he left abroad for just a 2 month business trip. FYI he gave a kiss for her daughter, insisted by ILs, but missed to tell me a proper goodbye. Only that day I realised I was no special to him and I felt like I was one among the person he left behind home along with his parents, sister, sister's daughter

Like I'm gonna celebrate this Christmas with my husband, ILs, SIL and her husband, kids, SIL's ILs, when my parents are gonna be alone in hometown. I dont see a point why I have to celebrate with my SILs ILs. Since its my first Chirstmas I cant speak up my mind. But I'm not happy about the idea of celebration. I don't understand how my husband wants me to celebrate my first Christmas with my SIL's family and not with my parents. Selfish world.

BTW I don't hate my SIL. She is a very good person. Its all my ILs plan

 

Wow I would have snapped if my in-laws were this terrible. Find out how your husband will react if you tell him ahead of time that you will be talking to his sister about her intrusive behavior. Space is important. ESPECIALLY with a new baby! It's good to know if you have his support even if he is not brave enough to do so directly. You need to tell her, "You raise your children your way and I will raise mine my way." Just don't tell her where you are when you are outside, say you are out of state. When she asks where tell her "Uh oh I can't hear you, the..." And shut off your phone and enjoy the rest of your shopping lol Naturally that won't help if your husband doesn't help at least in this. If he picks up his phone you're screwed....SMH. Stop updating her with your pictures and plans---let your husband do SOMETHING why should you be the only one uncomfortable when they want constant updates. DANG lol

 

It's important you set your boundaries EARLY in marriage. Do so! Let them know on point what you don't prefer. Not only nice things give them the ability to know you as a person you know.
Wow our first Christmas was ruined BIL came over. My husband was so angry "They are f-ing up my holiday!" He didn't want him to come but didn't dare say the truth "I can't say no they will think bad about us...." which only angered me all the more... Then he yelled "If you're not comfortable go to your parents place!" I was so hurt, I was a new bride and he spoke to me that way. And it just lead to a horrible fight. From that time I began disliking my in-laws big-time. I went to my parents place and my father was laughing--he knew I would come. They were sad later as I told them more details (that my husband did not handle that well at all). Then SIL came with terror baby tornado terror for 3 weeks of hell in September of the next year--- and our marriage has been a poopshow ever since. Always fighting about mingling and money Every month for 4.5 years. Until I made a change and removed myself. And they have the nerve to feel insulted. Please. Privacy was not possible when I went to India or even in my own home just before we reached the 1st year of marriage. UNREAL.

 

Tire her out when she comes to your house...


Don’t cook because u have a baby

Don’t send her photos because honestly u don’t have the time with 2 kids...

Ask ur husband to take her out with the two kids and u stay home with the baby (husband will tell her himself once he gets tired of her)

Keep the house dirty and when she tells mil tell her well I have a baby it’s normal maybe u could help me and show me...

When she comes make sure u make it very boring for her