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Seeking Advice: Sister In Law Visiting Often

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by smartwife, Aug 14, 2017.

  1. smartwife

    smartwife New IL'ite

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    Ever since my first child was born, my sister in law (husband's sister) is kind of obsessed with him. She's been visiting us on every weekend and holidays. I understand that she is thrilled to have become an aunt but I find it a little overboard.

    She has saved all of my son's pictures on her computer.

    She insists me to send his pictures very often (pointless, seeing that they are here every weekend)

    She follows me and my son into every room whenever she's here. I mean, I can't change a diaper in peace. It is like a school inspection. My every move is judged. She later narrates every minute detail to my mother in law (in-laws live 7 hours away)

    Her 5 year old daughter is very loud, which I find annoying and draining. She keeps dumping all the baby toys. She often goes near my son when he's asleep and asks me if she can kiss him. I mean, she's just a kid and I understand that. But when I politely tell her not to disturb the baby or not to make a mess, my sil gets annoyed and indirectly lectures me (some other time, not there and then) me about how matured her daughter is and how well she handles babies or how well disciplined she is.. etc.

    My husband works very hard on weekdays. Weekends are our bonding time as a family. I have expressed my concerns to him and while he agrees that they visit too often, he can't say a straight no to his sister when she calls us to visit.

    If we try to escape her and say we are at the mall or something, she comes and visit us at the mall... lol
    I would like to make our visits once every 3 or 4 weeks.

    Any ideas appreciated.
     
    Sweety82 and BhumiBabe like this.
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  2. Meenarai

    Meenarai Senior IL'ite

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    Communicate directly. Whenever possible, avoid communicating through a third party. Don't ask your spouse to talk to his sister about something she did that hurt your feelings. Talk to your sister-in-law directly.

    If something bothers you, address it as soon as possible. Sometimes it's a genuine problem; other times, it might be a misunderstanding
     
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  3. prreeya

    prreeya Silver IL'ite

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    Hi
    There are few things I am telling you from my experience...
    1. You don't say anything to her ask your husband to talk to her.
    2. If you are doing something special on her visit like cooking and all stop it.
    3. Let her do something like cooking or taking care of your son.
    4. While she is taking care of your son spend time with your husband.
    5. Try doing vice a versa go to her home before she comes to your once or twice.
     
    NeetaR likes this.
  4. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    I can understand but if u tell her directly it will hurt her and it spoil ur relationship..just adjust for few months ..now she may is not busy so she is coming often ..if she has some commitment like daughter class school etc she will also b busy..

    Just adjust for year or u guys move to different place telling reason job or something.dont tell anything directly and spoil ur relationship
     
    sindmani likes this.
  5. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Why not have her babysit your son, while you & Dh go on a date night once? Since she is so thrilled about being the aunt. I have a feeling, she may cut down her visits, if she has to babysit your son for an entire evening :laughing: Experiment & see.

    And it's a win-win situation either way. If she hates it & cuts down visits, then you achieved the desired result. If she loves babysitting your son, then you can give her even more opportunities (maybe every other weekend), while you on dates with Dh & bond more & more! :smiley:
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2017
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  6. happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    Hahaha nice idea..even v can ask them to help for dinner lunch etc ...keeping them busy when they come to our house is best idea to cut them indirectly.....
     
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  7. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Good idea ;) . This should scare the Boo-a a bit. I will watch out for a post on Indus Ladies from the OP's SIL talking about how her romantic brother and his wife take advantage of her and make her babysit their kid while they go on date nights :relaxed:.

     
    mimi77, Sweety82, iamsrihere and 5 others like this.
  8. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    I understand all the problems you are having but it takes a village to raise a kid. This is sooooo good for your baby - who is experiencing immense love, care and attention in excess. But - I do understand your problems and not undermining it one bit. I just feel happy for the baby.
     
  9. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Somebody should say directly which results in misunderstanding( sorry practical truth). Because these ppl drag others to inconvenience, making them to say this directly, no option. Till it is expressed directly they will continue. I don't know whether they do it knowingly or unknowingly, nobody can change them. Pain givers.
     
  10. vanithaudt

    vanithaudt Silver IL'ite

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    Man chill. It's really good for your son to grow up with cousin. Many over seas Indian children struggle to speak at very young age esp first child because they don't have cousins to play. It's really good for your child to grow up with cousin as you can't teach every thing. they learn from other children a lot. Its intelligent to get best out of situation.
     
    blissofmylife likes this.

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