Secretive....

My hubby never did that type of stuff. Sometimes I could tell my mil was trying to do it though because the conversation between her and dh would get awkward. :whistle I just ignored it. If my mil wants to use codewords and childish techniques, then that's her problem, it doesn't bother me. If my hubby started doing it though I would feel bad!

If that happened, I would take the direct approach and handle it humoursly... I would start talking to him in code too, and then when he asked me why, I would tell him gently how silly it sounds for him to do it on the phone. :biglaugh Or, if he was on the phone talking strange, I would just stare at him and give him a weird look. Sometimes people don't realize how bizarre (or immature) they are until they're caught in the act! :banana

If your hubby isn't the type to notice subtle hints, just ask him plainly, "Why do you always use codewords around me when your talking to your parents? What is so top secret that you need to go in another room?" Then listen to him blah blah blah as he stumbles to explain his weird behavior! :crazy

Good luck!

 

My in-laws have never used code words. They get ALL the time to speak in detail when he calls them from office, so code words arenet necessary, I guess.

But yes, a few times, they have spoken hush-hush in closed rooms. I have behaved as though nothing happened. True, I get irritated if it goes on for long, but then, I just dont care!
Sandhya

 

Dear Shakambari,

1. How do you know that they are talking about you ? They might be talking about your SIL's husband or SIL's problems with her in-laws, which they do not think you should know ? MIL may feel comfortable discussing some issues with her son about her neighbour or relatives whom she may not like. She may not want you to listen to such conversation-[which I think is perfectly o.k].

2. If they are talking about you or your family in secret and you happen to hear them-simply tell them on face-" Are you discussing about someone I know ? May I also join the discussion ? OR -May I also sit here with you as I am feeling bored and lonely in my room ?"

Unless you write your problems in details or about what they are discussing about you, it will be difficult to solve your problems.

Thanks,
NOW HAPPY

 

nice topic! i think many of us would have come across this situation....and its perfectly fine,right? as long as they are not gossiping about us..we too have seccrets with our parents/siblings

as far as i go..yes my MIL does try to b little secretive with my DH(her son)... with some sort of gossip....but that's rare when we are around... and when we are not around my DH talks to his parents fron our bedroon itself....so secrets in that!!! i get to know the whole conversation...(unless they are talking when he is in office :bonk).... and anyway who cares :thumbsup.... my FIL is never secretive...he just blurts out whatever he feels like!!!!


Neha S

 

shakambari,

In some famlies they might have something discuss,ex like properties,something about there relatives and something might be going like some issues with other son or daughters families and they don't want to share those things to us ,they think we don't given them respect if we came to know or mostly some money matters.By any cose inlaws don't want to discuss before us.
So these things will go in closed doors.They won't be discussing something about us,something about there family and issues.

But I know it is very irritating.my MIL talks all the time on my co-sister with my husband and it irritates me lot.She should be doing same thing on me when she is with other son.My husband never say NO to her words,he just listens,I know he don't remember anything about it,but just listens.

 

My husband sort of answers in mono syllables on the phone when his parents are talking nasty about me. He only says "yes", "no", "ok", " will do", "will see" etc. So I get the message that they are narrating huge verses about me.

This is sick and I hate it. they have no guts to tell me all that directly and poison my husband's mind and totally distance him from me.

 

mlk2009,

Just hearing bad words about you over the phone shouldn't "poison" your husband's mind against you. If that is the case, maybe you need to strengthen the bond between you and your hubby to the point where words can't cause problems. My inlaws talk bad about me too, in fact their nickname for me is "nasty woman", but still my dh sees me as sweet woman! :rotflDogs will bark, that is their nature. It only becomes a problem if your dh acts on their "barking". Hope not!

 

I don't feel bad because I know if it is something I should be aware of, my DH will tell me later on. I also don't feel bad because sometimes when I go to my mom's place I too indulge in secretive talk with my mom and exclude my DH :-D which in turn he knows I'll tell him if it's something he should be aware of.