Second Marriage Based On Lies / Fraud - Life Is In Super Mess

@mohini16 , there is just too much water under the bridge. Moving to Canada for delivery is a good move. But from what you tell me, giving this another chance may take a bigger toll on you than leaving him.
Think this through. Dont think about 3rd marriage and all. Dont focus on that. Sail through this storm first and you will eventually figure a way for anything else.

 

Even after seeing this I don’t think he is trustworthy.
May be he is tolerating you cause of PR or since you are financially stronger than him.

 

Hugs to you dear ! Stay strong. Give some more time for yourself and then decide.

 

@mohini16 do what your mind says. Don't try to find answers why he married you.
Be careful with physical abuse against your partner. Since you will be filing a divorce petition you need to be patient and get what you want and get out of this mess soon. Adjustments in life should be done based on what you want in life. Since you really hate him and I don't see you can forgive him what is the point in giving him another chance. First heal from this marriage . Focus on a happy and a healthy baby. Everything else you can decide in due course of time.

 

@Mohini
I do not think you should get back to this guy. There is too much of fraud lies in this relationship and no love at all. Also your going back to canada and delivering child in canada, is it your sole decision or your parents are supporting it.
I know your parents are kind of pressurizing to move in with guy. But if not, are they going to support you in canada or are they ready to help child deliver in india itself. One thing - you need support of someone atleast. So have parents at your side where ever you decide to deliver.
Also do not take much pressure of what people will say. You need to understand parents mindset, its not their fault. If you were in their place, or live in india long enough, under neighbors relatives religion etc influence, you had had same thoughts.
Also you would need family or someones support to raise a child. You can not later raise him/her alone in canada at daycare then school. Child learn so many things from home and environment. Giving birth is easier than raising a kid to be a good person and also keeping your sanity. Either try to have your parents shift with you or you move in with them.

I know everyone is telling you to move to canada, move to canada...its a good decision. But i am not sure about it.
so whatever you decide, think about it and think for many years ahead. Do not just worry about PRs etc. Its a human being you have to raise, not a puppy.

 

OP,
Please dont take any decision when you are stressed. Wait till you reach a very calm state of mind. Any decision can wait. But follow your heart and be practical.

Why are you thinking about going back to Canada. Your are a Canadian citizen. So your child can get Canadian citizenship easily. Then why take the risk and suffer alone in Canada (Citizenship)

First of all I am really confused about this second marriage. Even though its second marriage, I feel that every one rushed to the marriage without understanding what he exactly wants or his plans are or who this person is. All I read is about bungalow and gold. I agree that money is important but that alone will not bring any happiness or satisfaction in life. If he was not interested to live in Canada why he married you. So many lies. How can one trust him. Past is done. But I mentioned this to warn you if decide to give another chance.Is he a loving, caring, affectionate person with good nature, otherwise. Can you love him even if he dont have a bungalow or money.

What I understood is that you are really confused and feeling betrayed by this man.if you have this much hatred will you be able to love him again or forgive. In that case you suffer a lot in life if you go with. trust is broken its broken for ever. If you cannot forgive , dont give him a chance in your life because you will suffer a lot. You are the only person who knows the depth of the problem

There are some options.

Get out of this marriage:- Go to Canada and face every thing alone.Its already discussed here.

You need lot of emotional and other support during this time. I think its wise to use the support from your parents. Tell them you need more time to decide and please don't push you for it. Stay there, relax, focus fully on you and your baby. After delivery, apply for Canadian citizenship for your baby. Regain your health. Mean while try to find a job in Canada. If your parents can take care of him/her ( give six months), you can go to Canada set up every thing and later you can go to Canada with baby and settle there if you want to. Please remember that raising kid is not an easy thing . It comes with lot of challenges. Parents have equal rights on their kids. So what will you do if your husband go for custody battle? Please consult attorney's regarding this. Then think about divorce.

Giving a chance to this man again:-
I think its better to stay separate till you get clarity. But that should be with conditions. Are you ready to stay in India and spend rest of your life here. Or you want to go back. Is he working. Can he take care of you and your kid very well. Be very clear, if you go back you will not spend even a penny for his family. It's his duty. Dont allow you to use as a money machine. Think about all your demands and your comfortable boundaries. Make all this very clear to him and his family. Most importantly you and your dh stay together, but not with his family.I think thats important to regain your married life. Also demand marriage counseling before going back to him.

If you want to live in Canada, you can demand that he should come and live with you there.

Whatever may be your decision you should be very convinced about it. Also I believe your kid need a fatherly figure in his life.

If you are confused please don't take a decision. Think really well about pluses, minuses of each decision and conditions if you want to give another chance. Its very difficult to live with him, if you have this much anger and resentment. I think you should try a counseling for your self. That may give you more clarity in your thoughts and lead you to right decision. Inform everyone that you need more time to decide.

You should be your first priority now. It's your life, so your peace of mind and happiness is more important than anything else now. You dont have to sacrifice it for someone else pride or social value. No one is going to live your life, except you.

Good luck

 

Mohini16, It looks like he is one of those pathological liars who live their lies by lying because that is the only way they know how to do it. That formula is not understood by normal folks. That is natural to people who are deviant. From everything you have written he is simply a fraud, deviant or atleast minimally a mentally unstable and sick person. Do not do the mistake of living with him for society sake, parents prestige, to paint a pic of family, the child needs a dad etc. Parents educate us and send us in to the world. We become stronger and smarter for it. When we go back to their world, we should make decisions based on the person that we have become. Do not give into pressures for society, appearance of family etc. This guy is not good for anything. Being in this marriage will not teach your child anything, if it is a baby girl, you don't want to teach her that a guy can do anything and she has to accept it like mom; if it is a baby boy you don't want him to learn anything on the lap of this sick man. Get away and live your life. So far, from everything you said - you are on the right track. Your parents love you, but at the end of the day it is your life and your child's life. No one will be there to deal with the mental illness this guy will cause you on a subliminal level on a daily basis if you stay in this relationship. they will hear you out one or two days, not for years and years to come.

I know it looks doom and gloom right now. But have your baby in Canada, apply for a divorce in Canada. Try to record his calls where he refuses to pay you any support for pregnancy, lack of keeping a commitment etc...and save it as files to your computer -you can use it as evidence for sole custody of the child.

I know you feel that this is it - you will die alone etc...but I am asking you to have faith in this universe. The right person will come along when you are not looking for him. For now be content and happy with you and baby and that happiness will draw the right person to your world. Even if it does not happen you will end up being happy. I am in the US, hence can't help you much - but there are such kind ladies here that have offered to help. Reach out and take their help. Share here, so we can support you through this journey. Try to be happy and enjoy your pregnancy. Kick the jerk out of your life (not before you get tons of recordings and documentation of his cheating, irresponsible ways). Take care. Hugs.

 

At this moment, your family's interests are different from yours. You need to be selfish and prioritize your own needs and happiness. Make decisions based on what you want and what's best for you and your child. Forget about what society may say and forget about your family's wants. Both of these will come around when you get back on your feet.

@Rakhii has given you good advice. Return to Canada, focus on your pregnancy and your child. Take all the help that is offered and know that this situation is temporary.

This guy's motivation seems to be important to you. Unfortunately, you may never know for sure and that's something you have to accept. Let go of your anger, accept what has happened and think about tomorrow instead of yesterday. Do whatever it takes to calm down. You and your DH are both in bad situations. He put you both in this mess; you can get both of you out. Without rancor, talk to him about extricating yourselves from this marriage. Down the road, when you aren't angry, he may explain why he did what he did.

As hard as it is, let go of the past, and take the first step forward. Your anger is taking up too much energy and serves no purpose. The stress you experience comes from indecision. Your future lies ahead of you. It can be whatever you want it to be. There may be a brilliant career or a happy marriage in your future if that's what you want.

Good luck, @mohini16.
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