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School Issues With 4 Year Old

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by umaakumar, Jul 1, 2022.

  1. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Definitely most important is your daughter spending a reliable chunk of time with her, every day. Amount of time doesn’t matter. But baby must know that every day she will see mom and spend x time with her undisturbed. Without mom juggling other things like baby brother or work or kitchen.

    SRama brought up a good point. You should get her tested. It’s funny but same thing happened to me, my older one could read before age 4 but I didn’t realize till my friend, also a teacher, told me that he was probably gifted and that I should get him tested when he was around 7 years old. 7 is late. This is right time. Take her to a psychologist and get her tested. They will have some suggestions about what to do for her depending on her scores and which area she scores the best. also don’t tell her she’s gifted. I made that mistake with my older one and I think it threw him off for a couple of years. He didn’t understand what it meant, became extremely self conscious, stopped trying etc. So my advice is even if she tests gifted don’t make a big deal out of it and definitely don’t tell her. With my younger one I didn’t tell him anything. I also made sure to always praise his effort not the things he did easily. That was a better strategy and looking back I feel he benefited from it.

    3rd grade is a long time away. With these bright kids who have already mastered all the grade appropriate material the school has to offer, making them wait till 3rd grade is a recipe for disaster. Not only is it torture for them, They develop bad habits in the meantime like not paying attention in class, they get bored because teacher is repeating same material for benefit of other kids, get distracted, cause distractions, it becomes discipline issue, goes to principal and so on. This is the right time to get her tested. Based on her scores and areas of ability you supplement outside school hours etc, even the psychologist will give helpful suggestions.
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2022
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  2. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Dear Umaakumar,

    Getting tested for giftedness and being in a program are two different things. I understand you are getting involved in various activities and it may give you a short term solution - I also see this very often. What I am suggesting is this -

    Your GD is certainly KG ready if not first grade. Many schools do a KG ready test. Many schools will also do gifted testing. Do that also. Let her take the tests from your school district, go with that report and ask the private school to take her into KG. Most schools take kids to KG if they are born before December. If you don't want her to go to KG, fair enough. You will still have a good idea of what she can do, needs and be able to resolve any issues that crop up

    Public schools are easy to work with - knowing her capability will give you some direction instead of doing random things to keep her busy.

    You can also look up the name of your school districts gifted coordinator and write to her. You will be amazed how helpful they can be.

    Do keep us posted. I am a gifted teacher in a gifted school and hence my response is the way it is. It is not unusual for me to see a 8 year old in pre algebra or algebra 1. I hope all of our inputs will help you and your daughter to make the right decision.
     
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  3. MadhuRK

    MadhuRK Silver IL'ite

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    Dear @umaakumar

    Mom of a 5.5 year old, also living in the states.

    First of all, boy, has your daughter's family been through a lot or what ! Just reading it makes me so exhausted as an adult, let alone a small kid and the mom and dad !

    I read your narrative and many parts of it resonates with my limited experience as a mom.

    1. My DD is also an extremely shy, hyper-sensitive and over-imaginative kid.
    2. She also went to a school where there was compulsory napping time which my DD absolutely loathed.
    3. She also cowers when faced with strict authority figures who are more ready to discipline errant, naughty and mischievous kids but don't understand how to tone-down and be twinkling and loving and creative with genteel delicate darlings like our daughters.

    Now here comes the useful part:

    1. One of my daughter's teachers shared this with me. If you have tried asking whats going on and there is no verbal clue, can you try asking her to draw how she feels instead ? or paint ? or write a poem or sing a song instead ?

    This has worked for my DD on a couple of occasions. My daughter does not express her emotions or vulnerability to anybody in school, only with Amma or Appa at home. So when I shared DD's drawing of her loneliness at school, her class teacher was surprised and shocked. Because till then, she had never paid attention to this law-abiding, compliant and meek kid sitting in the corner because the tramps had to be dealt with you know. DD's class has 3 bullies and 2 rebels and these kids are going to Kindergarden only next month !

    2. I also took the help of a counselor when I felt that my DD's anxieties were not at her age-level at all. Once she told me she just wants to keep on sleeping through the day and night so that she never goes to school ! My experience with this counselor was not all that useful for me. Your mileage may vary.

    3. See if your daughter and her husband can get involved in the school, volunteering, helping out with camps, driving or decorating the rooms. We tried this a couple of times. That may give you more insights ?

    4. Encourage role-play. I learnt this from another parent. When her DD comes back from school, they play teacher-student all over again after a snack and rest. This can be helpful too.

    Sometimes I feel that its going to be much more easier to home-school my kid than to send her to a black-box like school system and face the panic and anxiety of the unknown, about whats going on with our kids 8 hours a day in the school.

    The silver-lining is, your GD is blessed to have invested parents and grand-parents who are serious about figuring out whats going on with her.

    Hang in there. Good luck to your family.
     
  4. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    @umaakumar,

    I agree with what Srama has explained. My knowledge is also out of date by couple decades, she seems to be current and in touch with what is happening nowadays.

    I feel many of the issues you people are currently facing like her not wanting to go to school etc will also decline once you get her tested and start supplementing her education with activites that challenge her. Her interest in school and learning will return. And she will be a happy camper again .

    If you decide to simply wait till school will test in 3rd grade for the program then present issues of not wanting to go to school will intensify and other issues like discipline, getting distracted and other bad habits may arise.
     
  5. umaakumar

    umaakumar Finest Post Winner

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    Dear All,
    Thank you for your reply and suggestions. It was useful in understanding the situation better.
    A quick update. The teachers in her school have taken extra interest in my granddaughter. They have taught her to make friends. She has now learnt to play in groups rather than playing with just one person. She now goes to school with a smile. She is enjoying school very much.
    She was sick and could not attend school for a week. She kept insisting that she wants to go as she is Missing her friends.
    We are happy that the school is doing so much to help her.
    Once again thanks for everyone's guidance and support

    Regards
    Uma
     
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  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Great to hear everything is working out well!
     

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