Satyameva Jayate - Our Contribution - Episode 3 - Dowry System

Discussion in 'News & Politics' started by Nandshyam, May 22, 2012.

  1. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Dowry System in India.

    In Indusladies, this was not something new as we have soooo many threads in marriage forum.

    In this episode, they showcased the case of Komal, who was married to a software professional. Her in-laws demanded furniture, cars, jewelry, home appliances and cash from her family during and after the wedding. After her husband got a job opportunity in USA she was forced to ask money from her parents so that her husband could buy the travel tickets to USA and a car there. Once in the US, her husband tortured her to get the legal rights to her house in India. Upon her refusal, he physically abused and left her without providing food and water, confining her in their apartment for four days before she was rescued by a woman care helpline.

    And also a case where the girl was courageous enough to record all the demanding with a help of hidden camera and release in all major channels.

    I am very very frustrated that even in this time and age, people are ruthless to ask for MONEY to get wedded to their daughter. I am not sure, telugu friends can enlighten me, but I have heard that the most dowry drowned state is Andhra Pradesh and I am not talking about peanut lakhs as the transaction money. Its in CRORES !! And we say India is a poor country :drowning
     
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  2. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: Satyameva Jayate - Our Contribution - Episode 3

    I believe Punjab and Andhra Pradesh may be having more instances, but other parts of India too.
     
  3. ani123

    ani123 Senior IL'ite

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    Re: Satyameva Jayate - Our Contribution - Episode 3

    Hi Nandashyam:

    I was waiting for Aamir to show some stats on this too like he did for Female foeticide.
    To show what and how many states have this problem.
    You are right sadly AndhraPradesh is one of them with higher dowry rate.
    People demand for money,properties etc.It is more prevalent in certain castes but not in all.Like discussed in the show by muslim guy, rich people set up the standard and every one will be compared and strives to achieve that (or made them strive)which is close to impossible for poor,middle and upper middle class.

    Now a days they all have become sophisticated and doesnt ask dowry directly but will choose only girls with lots of property.Thats an eye catcher in her profile.

    So eventhough a girl is educated and doesnt have property and belongs to those casts, its hard for her to get matches.
    doesnt end there, They have demands/expensive customs that needs to be fulfilled only by brides parents.

    They need well educated,beautiful,rich bride who should nod her head for everything they say.If not, it will be a hell for parents to find a groom.and these all things doesnt apply for groom.

    They also want a big fat wedding which would cost from 8lacks- to how much ever they can afford.

    That too in cities, everything is so expensive for weddings,receptions etc...such a waste of money.

    we all should standup and say no to these kind of pompous marriages.
    What if we go and bless couple at their house, are those not the blessings? Why should it be like a lunch,venue,flower decoration and what not...

    I like the idea of what one of the audience has said, Bride and groom should spend for their own wedding instead of girl's parents.

    But again I also heard that its becoming difficult for boys to find a girl in AP. I have seen that happening with some of my friends and family too. Even marriage beuros are saying the same that its getting hard to find girls for boys(could be the reason why Aamir didnt talk about AP), hopefully it will situation will reverse in near future :)

    BTW Good news is Govt has passed the protection of children against sexual abuse offences bill today!! lovely right? courtesy: pinkvilla

    I'm really liking this show and hope it brings few changes in the system and people.
     
  4. rkgurbani

    rkgurbani IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Satyameva Jayate - Our Contribution - Episode 3

    I agree with you 100%. India is fast growing to join hands with the most forward and modern nations of the world, but if issues like dowry still form the backbone of the society, then that modernism is of no use. Of what use is the latest car model/TV etc if it has been taken forcibly as a dowry from the daughter-in-law's parents???

    The north-eastern states deserve a standing ovation for having such a strong system in their communities that do not take anything from the bride's family. Even wonderful is the gesture that they welcome a new bride decked up in everything that they give. Other so-called modern and forward states need to learn a lot from here.
     
  5. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Satyameva Jayate - Our Contribution - Episode 3

    nandu,

    i felt that particular episode could have been better researched and better done.. there could have been something more on how to tackle the issue as an individual..not everybody has the courage to stand up like the lady who went ahead on a sting operation..

    Dowry system, now does not go by the name of dowry in the south.. atleast in chennai from what i hear in recent times few examples..

    we did this for our daughter, we would like this for our daughter in law..that is i did xxx gold, xxx cash and did a lavish spread...so we expect to do +1 or +2...

    at this juncture, i would like to state something that me and dh have discussed and are working on it..we would do the same for both.. we are not going to ask anything from the dil, nor we want to give anything for the daughter in the name of gifts..but if we decide to give it will be equal..what i give my daughter i give my daughter in law..I believe that you need to condition your mind to thinking on those terms as it does not come at the time of doing it according to DH, who has seen lot of promises broken by mom's who wanted to do that but later did not when they turn up mil..well maybe that is for the relationship forum right...

    The other trend that i see is a very very lavish wedding, that you cannot even imagine..the latest i have seen spent around 10+ lakhs on the food alone..so imagine the rest..

    on the same note, i see some people who want simple weddings but are getting bound in the "what will the people says, what will our relatives think..." the moment we move away and set a example, others are bound to follow.
    i hope to set that example with my kids, but when it comes to a wedding many other factors play pivotal roles.that is were you get sucked into a whirlpool..

    i have also seen some very simple marriages and applaud the same. there is a lot of good happening around us, but it is us who do not want to emulate, we are so drawn in by our culture and what the society will think..

    i would only say, that as a parent of both a son and daughter, i would say do not take @@@ even if it comes from your parents/in-laws just to make them happy, be strong and walk out of abuse..remember that it may hurt the parents for sometime, but if you stay, you are going to hurt them lifelong with the guilt .
     
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  6. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Satyameva Jayate - Our Contribution - Episode 3

    I think it would take tremendous effort since its a private activity unlike female foeticide where a hospital/doctor comes into play.

    Very smart move. I always thought the previous generations were the ones who are so drowned in such absurd belief. But now I am rethinking that. Even if parents push for dowry as a groom can't the guy stand up and say NO? I don't think we should blame just the oldies.

    We do all westernized stuff, useless ones. But this is a very nice thing to follow. You spend for your marriage.
    Ofcourse parents would help what they can if and when required.

    [uquote]But again I also heard that its becoming difficult for boys to find a girl in AP. I have seen that happening with some of my friends and family too. Even marriage beuros are saying the same that its getting hard to find girls for boys(could be the reason why Aamir didnt talk about AP), hopefully it will situation will reverse in near future :)
    [/quote]

    HAHAHAHA... funny..

    Yes, I read about it too. I am happy !!! But we need to educate from grassroot level about this. Like nowadays we have govt ads about RTI, they should also make sure this bill reaches nook and corner so everyone knows.
     
  7. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Satyameva Jayate - Our Contribution - Episode 3

    Wow, really? I didnt know that and yes, other states should take this as an example and follow !!
     
  8. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: Satyameva Jayate - Our Contribution - Episode 3

    But that should be inbuilt isn't Shan? How much law and order can boost your confidence to fight for your rights? Women are weak in that sense I would say. I have seen wives all the way up here, facing abuse but sticking to the man because they are scared to walk away and face the future alone. As a start we parents should start teaching our daughters to be an individual first and then be a wife, sister, daughter etc.

    Well, as I said to the other member, I think the groom should voice up. So what if we did for my sister, I am not going to BUY a wife should be his standard I think.

    Very valid agreement you both have, Shan. Yes, boy or girl as parents we should see them the same.

    Mere stupidity. So much money on a celebration?? What in world are these people thinking.. I hope they repent once in their lifetime for such crazy decisions.

    Especially if you are in India, I think you are a mess. I have seen people behave differently when they are in chennai and when they are in US. No one cares what we do when you are US, but the person thinks twice when in chennai. This is so silly to me.

    Very much agree and that needs to change. For that we need to bring the next generation with so much confidence that the society dares to think otherwise about them.
     
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