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Santa Banta

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by krishnaamma, Mar 10, 2007.

  1. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    read the jokes below


    1. A CEO was standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO to an executive, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

      Moral of the story is: Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
    2. Santa is not sleeping with his wife these days because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women..
    3. Girl - Agar me kahu, mujhe tumse mohabbat hai, meri bas yehi chahat hai, to kya kahoge ?
      Boy - Me tumse kahunga is baat ko agar tumari saheli kehti, to accha hota...
    4. Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and
      closes it.
      Wife observes the whole episode
      Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you
      doing this?
      Sardar replies: Doc told to check sugar level regularly
    5. Son asks his dad what is the difference between confidence and confidential. To this his dad replies Look i can say you are my son this is confidence and your friend is also my son that is confidential
    6. Santa:I am a proud man, my son is in medical college. Banta: really what is he studying? santa: he is not studying they r studying him.
    7. Ek dost ne Santa se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon dekhta rehta." Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."
    8. Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a swimming pool. Banta: give him a glass of water.
    9. Man:Santa where were u born?
      sardarji: punjab.
      man: which part.
      Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".
    10. Sardar sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.. when people asked "what he was doing?" he replied " oye! Higher studies"!!
     
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  2. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Santa Banta 2

    1. Ek aadmi Sadhu Say Bola. Maharaj Mere Biwi Bahot Pareshan Karti Hai. Koi Upaye batao.

      Sadho Bola.. Agar Upaye Hota to Mai Sadho Q bannta
    2. Phone call for Ganguly! India Pakistan Match has started. It's a charged up atmosphere and the heat is really on! India is put in to bat. As to be expected, three wickets down, for a measly score. There is phone call for Ganguly, at the Dressing Room.The Team Manager picks up the call. "Hello! This is Ganguly's friend. Can I talk to him now ?" The Team Manager replies : "Sorry! He has just gone in to bat . " The caller replies "No problem; I'll hold the line ! Ek minute ki tho baath hai"
    3. One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go and apologise to Ram for all the problems he had caused. So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door. Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan standing there. Ravan just kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word. What was he thinking? Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"
    4. Mother: What did you learn in school today
      Son: How to write
      Mother: What did you write?
      Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
    5. Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I should go to school." "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
    6. At weddings old aunts used to tease me saying "You are next, you are next." But they stopped it since I started doing the same to them at funerals...!!
    7. Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
      Wife: When must I give them to him?
      Doctor: They are for you.
    8. What is the best way to keep food bills down?

      Use a paperweight!
    9. SON:Dad have gone to Egypt.
      DAD:No but why are u asking.
      SON:Then how did u get MUMMY from.
    10. TEACHER:RAJU in this box i have a ten foot snake.
      RAJU:You can't fool me TEACHER because snakes does not have feet.
     
  3. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Santa Banta 3

    1. BANTA:You know SANTA that there will be a high increase in the rates of the Petrol.
      SANTA:Don't worry BANTA now i buy the Petrol of Rs.100 and in future also i'll buy the Petrol of only Rs.100 ok.
    2. Saradr went to an underwear company for job interview. The manager says, "If you can answer these 3 questions right, job is yours! We pack our underwear in 7-packs, 5-packs and 12-packs. Why? The Sardar thinks for a moment and replies: "The 7-packs are for Indian men: one for each day of the week. The 5-packs are for American men: one each for Monday to Friday, and they don't wear underwear on weekends. The 12-packs are for Pakistani men: one each for January, February..."
    3. A dying man said to his wife:"Dear, Our 4th son always looked different. Did he had different father?"
      Wife:"Yes."
      Husband:"Who is it ?"
      Wife:"You."
    4. Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"
    5. What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?

      Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government Holidays.

    6. Two Sardar on ATM Santa- ha ha I saw your password its **** Banta- No stupid its 1252
    7. Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?
      Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe !!!
    8. sardar 2 Mechanic :eek:ye puttar gaadi(Car) mein battery daal de.
      Mech 2 Sardar : saab EXIDE(ek-side) ki daal Doo
      Sardar :yaar DONO SIDE ki Daal De warna Gaddi (Car) fir band ho jayegi
    9. seeing position of bihar bush asked lalu togive bihar for two days and he will make it america lalu replied you give me america for 1 minute and i will make it bihar.
     
  4. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Santa Banta 4

    1. A single line joke : SANTA & BANTA R PLAYING CHESS
    2. A man receives a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news." The man says, "OK, give me the good news first." The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?" The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
    3. A person who speaks two languages is bilingual...A person who speaks three languages is trilingual...A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual. What is a person who speaks one language? An American.
    4. Santa kissed one girl. Girl shouted " hey wat r u doing? Santa Sigh : B.Com last year
    5. A teacher asked a sardar to use a word 4 times in a sentence, sarder answered, if lara datta marries brian lara, then she will become lara lara
    6. Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai? Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
    7. A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?" The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters... First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our an is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place" That should have worked," said the friend. The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left.
     
  5. vivbass

    vivbass Gold IL'ite

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    hahahaha,had a hearty laugh,all r superb,pls keep them coming.:2thumbsup:
     

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