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Saddened by reading all the posts

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by desiprincess, Nov 21, 2007.

  1. desiprincess

    desiprincess Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,

    I am a avid reader of all the posts and I really like this website. However, recently I have been getting very sad reading about all the posts with marriage troubles, problems with in-laws and now spousal abuse. The story that troubled me the most is the recent story about a girl in North Carolina that was pushed from the car by her MIL and SIL. May God give her the strength to move on with her life.

    I agree that this is a cruel world and we all have our share of problems. In our life we have all known somebody that has be mentally or physically abused by his/her loved one. Be it our sister, mother, daughter, cousin, friend, neighbor or a co-worker. But, as women I feel that we should first empower ourselves with education, self-esteem and confidence in ourselves. If we let people use and abuse us, we will never change this cycle of abuse.

    So, Please I request you all to rise up and change your life, because you are the only one that can do that. Depending on others might only take you so far, but depending on yourself can take you through life. Please think of your children who see you as role models, esp. the little girls. We all have our set of problems but rather then dwelling on them, please think of a solution for them. And never let anybody tell you that you are worth nothing, because God puts everybody on this earth for a purpose and your life is worth a lot.

    A concerned Reader
     
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  2. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hai desi

    Very very nice write up by you.........

    Ur right.....even iam very much upset now-a-days........to read ll the posts in married life, problem with inlaws...................even i was discussing about that to some IL friends also...........i really ddint expect even people from USA will have this kind of problems.......since i thought its not a cruel world.....and they will be very broad minded.......egoless to share the work with their counterpart........they are very independent.......laws are very strict over there..........etc........iam sorry.........iam not able to digest it at all........actually i was extremely upset and cried ........

    People are very good whent they were daughters and dil's , but they are changing their character when they become MIL and SIL..........i dont know y?????????!!!!!!!!!!Y they become so cruel..........how can we stop all this........

    As u said, we have to change ourselves a lot...........Hope time will change everything..........let us hope for the best f, atleast in, future..................

    latamurali
     
  3. MeenLoch

    MeenLoch Silver IL'ite

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    Dear desiprincess,
    I voice the same opinion...It's extremely true that we teach people how to treat us...
    I was wondering how this girl in North Carolina could let that happen, wasn't she empowered enough or was she asked by her parents to hold on. I know many parents who do this, they justify the guy's actions and ask her to be patient and wait till he gets okay. It's true that women are endowed with more patience and ability to take care, no matter if it's 18 th, 20 th or 21 st century, but it's important for a woman to know what is tolerable and what is not, what is acceptable and what is not. If a woman is meek and bearing all that is loaded on her, people take her for granted. Gone is the era when she did all that.

    The last thing a woman of this age can do in this age is to spread herself like a door mat and let people walk on it and trample all over her.

    Give and take respect.

    In a shobha de book called "Spouse", she says men don't like this empowerment thing, but no one can dare , get up and say 'hey u stay home and take care of kids and I ll go for work'. They need us as much as we need them. That itself empowers you.

    But I would also like to say, that if he is a good man, don't get prejudiced by all this. Do not judge him wrong and pour out words. Just make sure no emotional or physical abuse will be taken by you. And again if he is a good man, it's going to be mutual accommodation.
     
  4. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Desi,

    I completely agree with you....unless you empower yourself, so one can do that for you. Learn to love yourself and others and you get the same. If you don't love and respect yourself other will not.

    One way traffic doesen't work for long in personal life...in a relationship it should always be give and take.

    All of you ILs there who have daughters make them strong and independent and guide them to take their own decisions...if it is a wrong decision explain to them why...also also teach your sons to respect the fairer sex.

    Roopa
     
  5. BhargaviChakravarthy

    BhargaviChakravarthy Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi desi,
    The problem of a girl being pushed from a car was elaborately discussed in the thread "Shocked".Thanks to you,you have brought into a notice and you are ringing the alert alarm for all ladies.If i remember one more problem was also discussed in another thread that a girl was suffering physical and mental torture from her husband.You have given a general idea and opinion abt all such problems.Thanks to you once again.
     
  6. Mallika29

    Mallika29 New IL'ite

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    Hi,


    I appreciate for starting this thread b'cos it's been disturbing me also seeing so many ladies suffer . Though some of us have got good men in our lives still there're so many who think women are supposed to be like slaves listening to whatever they say and bear all the abuse . That's what I had replied to another post long back that atleast we should be good MIL's when we become one . Teach our sons to respect their wives and keep them happy and live together .It does not mean we don't love our sons but give them the freedom to enjoy life . Treat the DIL as ur own daughter and enjoy life. I've seen in my friend's house where a MiL used to give coffee everyday to her DiL when the girl was newly married and now when the MiL is old , the DiL is takingcare of her so much . it's so good to see that . If u're not good how do u expect good from ur DiL . Naturally she'll want peace and break away from the family taking her husband away . I feel the men should be taught to respect their wives well in our country atleast ( Here again I'm talking of husbands who treat their wives bad ) . When so much is told about respecting mothers , they somehow fail to show love and respect to their wives . Very few men are really good to their wives. The other ladies compromise and live for the sake of their children and society . Women should start taking bold steps , I feel . Men should be given separate counselling class on how to treat their wives . And the MILs and SILs should stop thinking that the DIL s enter the house to take their son or brother away from them. Once married , he belongs to her more than anyone. They've to get it to their head first . Like how they're leading their lives , they should let the DILs also lead their life with their son. Why do they interfere and spoil their peace ? Men should looking thru' their mom's (thru' moms who think bad )and give a good life for their wives. I happened to see a scene in a tamil serial ( i don't watch them so much b'cos they're not contributing much to anything good or making it enjoyable . Infact they add fuel to the fire and teach wrong things ) . In that when the son talked in favour of his wife, his mom said " ya, go after ur wife " . For that he turned to her angrily and said " why , father never came at the back of you , that's ok but this is not ok ". She was shocked and didn't know what to say . It's a very common comment said by MILs in most of the houses , if he favours his wife , he's named as pondaatti thaasan . It has to change atleast in our generation. Atleast our children should be free from all this and lead a happy life. Come on ladies , let us take the first step of being good SILs and MILs when we reach that age .

    Rgrds,
    Mallika
     
  7. geetha_muralidharan

    geetha_muralidharan New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I also came across this news item while watching Jaya Tv here at Chennai. it was very sad to note that an educated and decent woman should have been treated like that. Of course on coming to know about this many tongues must have started wagging regarding the " foreign groom mania". But marriage with grooms and brides who are abroad is very common these days and it is not as if such things don't happen here it self! Anyway it is a shame and has to be condemned by one and all and also the girl's parents should bring them up with more courage and self reliance to stand up against such things.

    geetha
     
  8. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Desi
    This is indeed a very good post giving awareness to the ladies. Yes now a days we read so much harashment going on to educated ladies all over it is really shameful. Being educated they tolerate these things
    Hello ladies be strong and fight for your rights whoever is near to you take the help of them and fight back today there are many laws for the support of the ladies please take advantage of that.
    It was nice to read the thread IL's lets do something for Jenita in US I am so happy that ladies are coming together and going to bang that freak out. I wish I was there but my best wishes for the ladies who are helping her and my prayers for Jenita to fight for herself.
     

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