sad hearts/ possibly pregnant/ heavy burden/ WDYT???

zipzipzoomzoom · Sep 30, 2011

Unfortunately, there are some Indian men who see White Ladies as playthings.

Disclaimer: As an Indian Lady who has difficulty finding matrimonial alliance, I cringe when I see an Indian man (especially an accomplished Indian man) with a White Lady (as a plaything). This same Indian man will present himself as "a good boy with family values because he does what his mommy and daddy say"

We cannot change the past.

On the top of my head, here are some things I can advise
- Stop feeling sorry for this person who is creating children with you, but not providing for you or his children
- Start demanding and making as much noise as possible.
- You have every right to be angry at this person. You are emotional and in love right now, but if you really think about it and push your emotions aside, you will realize this person made a fool out of you.
- What are the Family Laws like in Australia? Can you get the advice of an attorney on how to make the father of your children support his children?

Be firm, no matter what anyone threatens you with. Your actions (for the sake of your children) will send a message not to treat any Lady as a plaything because they will have to deal with consequences later on.

sashacurios · Oct 1, 2011

i too agree with omnam n sunshine.... leave him... he will marry an indian girl n be happy with his whole family back in india. Even if he stays with u n go against his parents,they might not commit suicide but will definitely isolate him which will create trouble between you n him. He will blame u later for everything... so you r better off without someone who cant stand up for you(wht ever reason!!). Dont worry abt him being sad,he's just trying to make it easy for HIM by manipulating you to give him permission to leave! i think he's planning a good ending which wont haunt him later!

rose8282 · Oct 1, 2011

Which place in India is he from?There is a movie in telugu (Antahpuram) which has the same story.The guy marries the girl without revealing his family background and the girl finds out about the factionism,honour killings,family prestige etc etc. It also got remade into a hindi movie (shakti). Either your boyfriend is a hardcore filmi fan or just foolish(for ruining a girl's life without foreseeing the consequences)

SriVidya75 · Oct 1, 2011

I still dont understand one thing...what is LOVE? you didnt know the REAL him...you fell for his tricks and lies...he is not what he projects he is..and you are saying POOR HIM???

How many times he has to prove to you that he cannot take responsibility of you and the kids?

I would suggest please keep yourself away from this guy and please take controlof your life....or else one day you will turn back and wonder, why did you separate inspite of he showing all the signs that he is not the right person!!!

Moreover this guy cant be a responsible father, he would be actually a very bad influence around your kids....seems like you are already too dependant on him....atleast now start cutting the dependance and make yourself emotionally strong. no point in taking this further...better late than never.

sadwife · Oct 1, 2011

Mud,

Didn't he know about his families stupid values and culture before he pursued you? He just made use if you no matter how much you could justify that he really loved you and doesn't want you out of his life. This is bull**** man. These is how all pervert pretend to be soooo innocent. No man can be a good man if he can't inform about his love and in your case his children too to his parents.

If I was in your place, I would inform his family that he already has a family so that he can't keep pretending like a goody goody boy in the eyes of his family, I would fight for my rights and make him finance our kids and leave him immediately. I don't need a man who rather lead a secret life than informing his family about it.

Probably he is already married in India and you are still not aware about it. Or if you decide to stay with him, he would agree to marry the girl of his familiy's choice and pretend to you as if he loves you than anybody else in this world while having a nice time with his 'latest' wife there.

mud · Oct 2, 2011

lol k thanks for the indian ladies point of view. omnam and sunshine you made some good points.
What is love? I made sure to know it well before i endeavored it. 1Cor 13.4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps NO record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.

Love must be demonstrated with actions and sacrifices small or large must be made. I have been shown the greatest love of all in He who died for me. I am a follower of Gods son and if i am hurt in my walk so be it, I will be healed and raised out of this silly situation.
This is the consequence of choosing your own path and time for things you desire and not waiting for God to deliver what he wants for you. Plain and simple. I am not white in colour though i shall be made pure white as snow in spirit for upholding good character.

If i have faith in god to provide for my children and, i then i need not worry for anything, I know i must realign myself with my first husband, my god, and all will be well. If he decides that this man is worthy of me then it will be done, if he is not worthy my life shall still sing a joyful song for the lord is with me. I am made new in him, my heart is good.

I am surprised at how many of you feel I should fight to get whats mine etc. If I were to keep my eyes on such small matters i would remain empty and desolate inside?? My hope for him is only that he finds freedom from evil ways and lives a good and honest life full of love. I have spent the last few days praying from my heart and yesterday experienced some up lifting during the day. Strong beams of sunlight in the park while my children played, then strong winds blowing all around us before a sudden calm. God was definitely doing something. I strangely felt lighter and some joy? which I haven't felt for a while. Then last night well over a month late I find out I'm not pregnant. So praise the lord for making things better already!!
p.s why did you assume I was white? and if you don't like white and i say the same thing to my partner why does he use fair face cream? why do you like pointy noses and why are most bollywood actresses in the movies he watches all fair skinned. I never see a beautiful black woman.
I think there is a mindset still in coloured woman of today. Even when i see a guy of my culture with a white woman (some of them) often look like they hold their heads higher as if white is still supreme?? Perhaps once those thoughts are denied existence the attitude and prejudices will also cease to exist. But that is a farr stretch to become reality when to many of us can't look at ourselves....

suresh51 · Oct 2, 2011

ars, You are right. Agreed its a sad story narrated by mud.However mud hasn't seen or spoken to any of this so called nit wits family members, at least on phone. any one can produce photographs of people they don't intend introducing.
Assuming he is all innocent, afraid etc etc.... Whats the bottom line. I can only see her holding the children. Its some thing like " She got pregnant out of courtesy but has no place to deliver".
The more you think of it the more you realize that she has been taken for a ride (literally speaking).

If mud has enough resources she can dump him, which would in his favour or she can spill the beans, she has nothing to loose.

suresh51 · Oct 2, 2011

Love is an illusionary attachment.
Think about it, things will fall in to place

SriVidya75 · Oct 2, 2011

aaah my god after seeeing muds last reply..I am really confused...IS THE GUY REally needs to be blamedhere???

Mud

You are happy that you are not pregnant again..but what about the kid you have with this guy already? why are you punishing the kid for no fault of the kid? just because you made some unreasonable choices? you said you already have a kid because of the wrong choices you made when you were young...

then arent you supposed to be much more attentive this time??

I understand all that you mentioned about LOVE. but what wrong did the kid do, that he has to growup without a father around him? so if your love lets yoru so called boyfriend have his way an dget married to another woman and live happily.....at teh expense of whose happiness? your kids happiness??

Am just so sad to see how people love, live togehter/have short marriges...and immediately have kids also come on......pls dont bring innocent souls into this world and confuse them with your emotions.

I appreciate if you could really GROWUP. Life doesnt go by the book or sayings....GOD ALSO HELPS THOSE who help themselves....god doesnt come running to you everytime you make a mistake...you already made wrong choices twice...

Atleast from now on..growup..and pls take control of your life...if you are scared of living alone, try to beat that fear...STOP expecting some man would come and rescue you..instead of rescuing you, they are making your life more problematic by pushing you into more responsibility.

STOP contacting this guy. move away from him. take your life in your hands. raise your childre...and above all please please an dplease grow up..and do not have any more kids just because you love someone or jsut because you are married..take time to make the most important decisions in life...like having a baby or even getting married to someone or involving with someone.

sadwife · Oct 2, 2011

We say ladies like in your situation should fight for their rights and make the guys at least pay for the children because these guys shouldn't be let to just walk away from their life without facing any consequences after playing with their feelings and body.

Such guys should learn the hard way that women are no more stupid and illiterate like those days that any guy can just cheat and dump them with any kind of excuse that doesn't make sense at all.