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Running Out Of Confidence In New Role.

Discussion in 'Education & Personal Growth' started by BeautifulSmile, Apr 30, 2020.

  1. BeautifulSmile

    BeautifulSmile Silver IL'ite

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    Posting here always helps me either directly or indirectly. Or while writing I figure out myself, not sure what but I notice I get better. So here again, with different issue. Apologies for long post, thought to layout every detail:


    I work in a company for almost 7+ years. Initially everyone were amazed with my work, few people were very jealous too. That caused for a lot internal politics, my own depression issues, new born baby health issues. Situation got worse and worse after 3 years, I warned myself and restarted everything. PROVED IT. New boss recognized it, gave me lead responsibilities. My team started realizing I am back, and gained my respect back. We merged with other team, 2 of my new peers are my reportees now. One fine day they officially announced it to the team. Which is super challenging because those 2 are 60+, working here for 20+ years, technically very strong , very very stubborn and they hate their boss (top of that once I was their peer). – so they hate me .

    I understand their feelings- basically I am very very soft spoken and soft nature person. I continued to be more friendly, and assure them I am not annoying boss at the same time take care of their disappointments. In this process I did made few changes to consider their disappointments and progressed towards it. They look co operating, but very very dominant. I am learning their clients work and working hard, etc. Things kinda getting better but something is getting worse. THAT’S MY SELF CONFIDENCE.


    My self confidence is dropping every day, I am very scared to open my mouth in the meetings. Especially this happens with one guys and his clients work. I was noticing this myself but today in 1-1 my boss mentioned 100 positive points only one improvements is : “ you are really doubting yourself and not confident, please work on it”.


    Honestly I am getting scared, scared of everyone, everything. Feeling very anxious, because of office stress personal life is also getting affected. Other than that particular guy’s work and clients rest of the clients work I am ruling. Why I am scared of in that particular situation. I am getting over stressed, I feel always my head is about to explode. What will help me at this moment? Looking for some comfortable , boosting talk or words. Please help me.

    Oh, BTW reached out to HR and asked for training on leadership skills, they said they will send training details soon. I will do anything it takes, but I want to be confident and come out this nasty feeling.
     
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  2. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Until you get the HR training details figured out, try online, udemy has a some courses on leadership. What I learned from my boss (of now) is, even if he is not confident in he is asking of other people, he asks it nicely. he is humble, which makes people accept him, at the same time, he is ready to ask people repeatedly that too really nice with out complaining (we all get behind stuff sometimes). And he follows up very thoroughly. When someone is agitated, keep quiet, and listen to what they have to say, you might not agree with what they say, voice it very nicely in a way that yu tell them that you hear them but this is what we can do. These things come by practice. Do notlose faith, you will get there and you will find your style of confidence.
     
    BeautifulSmile likes this.
  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @BeautifulSmile,

    Everything you have described above in your thread was experienced by me at work 25 years back. My boss also promoted me into Executive Vice President's position and asked me to handle multiple peers who are experts in their fields like project delivery, quality management, human resources planning, customer support, etc. I didn't have any technical background and I had no option but to make friends with them and learn every day with humility. I was in a position to approve all the proposals prepared by them and make sure the proposals are correctly made with appropriate margins and proper assumption of resources. I had experienced the most difficult times during that period. But I spent a lot of time focusing on reading their proposal and learning how well they articulated their proposals to the customers. I didn't hesitate to appreciate them and told them that it was a great learning experience for me. I also politely asked them whether it was okay to ask questions when I have a doubt and they readily agreed. That gave me an opening to ask questions about the proposal and meet all the criteria with regard to margins, right resources, time allocation for quality management, etc. As each one of them was $30-$40 million dollar fixed-price proposals executed onsite and offshore, a small error could cause a serious dent to the margins. My peers enthusiastically answered the questions and it became a win/win situation for all of us.
     
    BeautifulSmile likes this.
  4. Nuzhath

    Nuzhath Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Looking at the issues in your post, it looks more like a multi-fold problem. First off, I would like to suggest that you get your anxiety about work and family life in order. Iam concerned that you mention that your personal life is getting affected. This should be avoided. Take a break or if you can't, think deep during the weekends about what you can do to correct this issue. Now-a-days there are good counsellors who will guide you efficiently.

    About the issue you face in meetings, where one members appears to dominate the conversation - again you need to learn how to put your thoughts across. If you are a learn-by-methods person, you can enrol in any presentation skills course and they will teach you how to handle a disruptive team member. That said, you mention that this person reports to you. Have a 1-1 discussion with him long before the meeting. Understand what he wants to boast about - He may just be trying to impress with his superior experience.

    Sometimes managers have to sit back and listen to the discussions happening and observe any unprofessional behavoiur. You have to give the message that you are stern while still being a soft hearted person.

    You have to explain the role you play in the whole scheme. For that, settle down in your role and understand where you stand. A manager is not supposed to know the nitty gritty of all deals - in that case, he or she would not be a manager. You have to poke at the proposals and figure out if it fits with the goals your org has to meet.

    I think you are doing well, but somewhere along the line you have become stressed with a burgeoning team. Knowing your Key Performance Indicators (KPA) and ensuring your team has the best KPAs for them- all engineered towards the vision of the organization goes a long way to foster teamwork.

    Jealousy and peer pressure is something we all live with, at work or in personal life. So long as your mgmt is happy with your work and you are getting raises, I think you shouldn't dwell too much on office politics, if you cant play their game.
    Hope this helps - and the advice from the rest of the team here!
     
    Vaikuntha and BeautifulSmile like this.
  5. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    This is very common. You are not alone!
    Reams of articles and books have been written about this, including in the Harvard Business Review. Google "Impostor Syndrome". Here are a few links to get you started. Good Luck!


    Facing Fears of Inadequacy and Self-Doubt

    How to Overcome ‘Impostor Syndrome’
    Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
    The Dangers of Feeling Like a Fake
    Everyone Suffers from Impostor Syndrome — Here’s How to Handle It
    Don’t Let Impostor Syndrome Derail Your Next Interview
    How Consultants Project Expertise and Learn at the Same Time
    The Personality Traits That Make Us Feel Like Frauds

    :beer-toast1:





     
    Last edited: May 22, 2020
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  6. BeautifulSmile

    BeautifulSmile Silver IL'ite

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    I feel better one day and so empty other day. But your valued responses helped me a lot. I never ever thought someone else also going thru or went thru this. My guess will never go wrong : as I said writing here always helps me. Thank you @Viswamitra sir,@Nuzhath and @sokanasanah for helping me to make myself better.
     

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