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Rude Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nakshatra1, Sep 21, 2020.

  1. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Why bother about living with them tomorrow? May happen or may not happen. Why stress right now thinking that way.

    You have certainly things which are going your way firstly. They aren’t living with you right now. That’s the biggest advantage for you. Staying away means lesser troubles. So avoid phone calls and other interactions.

    You both are in early thirties and even if you don’t want children now will have to think about future and plan as such for kids. I know a friend before who froze her eggs for future before undergoing some treatment. Maybe you too should think same for yourself and your husband. Plan for your family. Be the supporter and at the same time don’t allow yourself to be ill treated. It’s not impossible. That’s why sometimes being selfish is fine when we don’t have empathetic understanding relationships.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2020
    hermitcrab likes this.
  2. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Platinum IL'ite

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    Plan for children sooner than later. Once you have them, you and DH knit your life around them and forget these ILs. Be busy with them. Break the cycle of abuse in his family.
    It is hard to believe such parents exists. I have always seen that sons are put on pedestal and taken care of, given food in thali on table and the thali is taken to sink for them. One time they call for water or chai, all sisters run to get it for them. What you are describing, I am have not seen. But I am sure, there is more variety to people, than what I know. So sad to hear though.
    Take care of yourself.
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks, I will think of all these options.
    Nowadays I changed so much than when I was newly married. That time I used to be a completely different person- a complete doormat actually . I put up with a lot - thinking it is elders. I have come a long way from that. Will try to focus on future.
     
    Sreevidyaa likes this.
  4. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot. Thee each and every sentence on IndusLadies telling to maintain distance from abusive people , means a lot to me. Because we live in a society where the wife of only son is expected to stay with inlaws from day 1 and put up with all sorts of harassment including dowry- harassment, but elders are always supposed to be right . When the life gets destroyed , the society will no t take responsibility.
    Now I will try to focus on future - it is hard with all the uncertainties. but we can do our best to try. Like you said I have to plan soon . I feel once I have kids, my mind will go off my ILs' criticisms and this constant background stress.

    Yes, what you said is true- many sons indeed are treated like little emperors. That is why we have such a dismal child-gender-ratio. I have seen both sides- female and male discrimination - or discrimination between elder and younger son . In some cases, it is the eldest daughter of the family. One person becomes a scape goat. who takes everyone's responsibility, but no one cares for that person at all. That person takes the brunt of parents' frustrations. Parents are free to shower their love and pampering on the golden child.
     
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2020

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