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Rude Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nakshatra1, Sep 21, 2020.

  1. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    No I wrote that I have been nice, did not write that sentence about him, but me. I meant he has knows how much nice I have been to inlaws after each and every incident.But I wrote a long sentence so.

    I have no issue with him being nice, Infact, I want them to be nice to him .I also feel angry about things- but still I want peace in the house for the sake of his health and happiness- he should not take stress.
    DH used to think he will change them by loving them and doing everything for them- he craved their love. To get their care, he did everything. That is a son's feelings for his parents. But they do not reciprocate.
    Even when we were friends, before relationship, he used to tell me his parents are always complaining and he just wants them to care for him- he is willing to do anything for that. That time I found it very hard to believe parents can be like that. I just wish them to care for him or atleast show that they care or stop abusing. That will be enough for him.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2020
  2. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry dear
    i misread your phrases. now i could understand the meaning. Anyway some people are LIKE that. We have to be away as far as possible atleast in our thoughts. No choices.
     
    nakshatra1 likes this.
  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    My MIL complains just for sake of complaining- to break the person and keep him feeling obligated. Which kind of mother will taunt her son about his health issues? She was complaining at our wedding why he got married so soon- he should have got married at 35. I have understood well-they are narcissistic - they complain just for sake of complaining .
     
  4. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    No, he doesnt think like that. He is quite clear how much he was tortured by them. All this for no reason but to take out their own frustrations.My FIL has treated his own parents in worst way, what will he take care of his son. No wonder FIL has no relation with his siblings at all.

    My inlaws are most incompetent parents, never could give education nor medical care . My husband struggled and became something inspite of them, rather than due to them.By early intervention his health could have been saved, today we cant have kid and his job also uncertain. For five years, my inlaws were unwilling to take him to doctor, only when he did job he finally went- that time already it was too serious. My husband did not even have study hours, he worked since a child. Still he had to wait to earn his own money to go to doctor.My inlaws are not normal- they are Narcisssistic parents. If they were poor, I would understand, but they were simply violent and neglectful. Yes, such parents exist- but we cant understand till we experience. That same time, they have built second storey house, thrown lavish marriage and dowry for daughter everything. But will not take son to doctor. It is my husband who is always the sacrificial goat and neglected child.
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2020
  5. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

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    @nakshatra1 seems you have a very good DH. Was this a ‘love marriage’ , is that one of the reasons (not valid reason ofcourse) inlaws hate you (as opposed to them having an arranged marriage for their son)?
     
  6. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    They only care for money and dowry- everything else is just an excuse. Since the day of marriage talks, they have been fighting with my parents for dowry and property, even though my husband intervened. They dont care, they think they can do anything because they are parents.Till today, they could not stop asking for house. Everytime she insulted me she followed it up by telling other girl would have given so much dowry bla bla.
     
  7. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Really surprised... I have seen ILs atleast they will treat their son nicely for the sake of their insecuriy reasons. Being your H very good to you, the only option is YOU to take care of him...i know u already will be a good wife...It is a waste of time to fight with these type of people or i can say waste of time to even talk a word. DO NOT answer them at all if they argue or if they are rude.. that is the only way to be peaceful...Focus only on yourself and H.....
     
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  8. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you so much for understanding my situation- even these kind words fro ma stranger mean a lot when your inlaws and ILs make you a complete villain.I have no fault. My inlaws dont care about my husbands health. All i pray to God is for them to stop causing him so much stress that his health issues escalate too much. He is a very good emotional person who cares a lot for everyone he doesnt deserve this. He cares so much for his parents- like that is purpose of his life(like with most Indian men I think who care so much for parents ) but stil lthey are not understanding or caring for his health.Just want some peace for him.

    I never wanted to be reason for any fights.I put up with worst insults from MIL. Even some outrageous lies she has said about me. Still I gave them chances so he can have a peaceful life with his family and in general - already he has so much pain in life due to other issues.

    But they are asking my parent to give house- that is one thing which I cant fulfil, as I am againt dowry, and it is cruel to my parents. He is not money minded- never expected anything from his own parents when they gave everything to daughters- always thought "my sisters should have a good life, my nieces have good future". Same way, My husband doenst support dowry also, he always puts relation above money. It is only my inlaws and SILs who want dowry and my parents' property. My husband gave my inlaws so much and never cared his own future, still they are not satisfied, they want from my parents and they think by doing enough harassment they will get it. But I am being strong and avoiding and focusing on positive things. When my MIL gets angry with me, she does some crazy things after which I am afraid to visit her. Just dont want such things in my life- need some space to figure out how to deal.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2020
  9. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Silver IL'ite

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    Seems your mother in law is very selfish and her daughter is a replica. It’s so sad to see that a mother is able to see both her kids in different lights though aren’t that rare.

    You have written that your husband has some serious illness and on some toxic medications as treatment. In this circumstance any mother would be so worried about her son and will not try to hurt him more. She would on the contrary try to help him and even try her daughter not to hurt your husband for whatever reasons.

    But what she does is exactly opposite and trying to hurt her own son more. Such parents do exist. In such instances you have to take the responsibility of making sure your husband is not interacting too much with his parents or his side of family. Sometimes being selfish is needed to protect us. So try to stay away from your in laws family as much as possible. Avoid unnecessary phone calls. Make it a routine. And hope the message reaches them.
     
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  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you so very much for your words- it really means a lot. Yes, my mother in law has bizzare reaction to son's issues- I used to be totally shocked. After I read a lot about narcissistic parents and able to understand she is exactly like that towards my husband. I dont know if she can change and start caring for him.I just hope one day she will realise- but there is no one to make her realise. SILs have their own agenda.
    Till then, I want him to have less stress . It was a lot of emotional labour for me initially. My inlaws would treat me worst but i tried to brush it off as I dont want my husband to take tension. But now I try to take care of my own emotional health too by reducing interactions thought it's not really possible. Tomorrow I will live with them- I dont know how to deal. I just want a break right now to become strong again.
     
    Last edited: Sep 26, 2020

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