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rotten marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by frustrated, Mar 22, 2007.

  1. Blondie

    Blondie Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear poster,
    You do have a job and in fact it is the toughest job ever created. Let me tell you why I think so. In middle schools here in Washington D.c areas (may be in other areas too in U.S) the kids have a career day set aside in the academic year. The student will shadow an adult who is in a profession that the student thinks is ideal for him/her when they grow up. My friend's daughter decided that she wants to be a home maker first and then later in life might go for a paying profession and with her teacher's permission she shadowed her mom for a day. The teacher made sure that the kid will draw up a schedule for each of the school hour and maintain a record of what her mom did for those hours in addition to before school and after school hours. Can you guess what the kid's summation was at the end of the day?? She has decided that being a home maker was the toughest job since all the hours in the school day were totally accounted for in addition to before and after school hours with literally no down time for her mother. The kid also observed that ervery other member in the family (herself,her dad and her younger brother) had some personal time during the daylight hours where as her mom did not 'SEEM' to have any. But that did not deter her from wanting to be a future home maker. She wrote that being aware of the job requirements made her how to be better prepared for the toughest job in the world (wisdom from the mouths of babes)

    to cut the long story short, You have the job but didn't acquire the tools for it. Here in this country the biggest handicap is not being able to drive your self to places. I don't know how you have managed all these five years(assuming you moved to US right after marraige). Just going out for drive will lift up your spirits (or even going out for a walk as other members have posted.) You are lucky in that geographically you seem to be in a place where there is lot of public transportation/amenities close at hand. Can you imagine living in rural south with the nearest park/grocery/mall 15 to 20 miles away and hubby's work hours are 8 am to 7pm with some week ends too ?? I was ready to get my driver's license by the third week I arrived in this country. Does not talk much?? no problem for me tell him all my days activities which continues todate with my kids picking up now and now I don't get to talk much:-D . Please persevere and he will come around. With a young toddler at home you don't need to look for a job out side. Just enjoy the baby years and arrange playdates, arrange mom baby outings go shopping and enjoy yourselves and do have so much fun that your husband would want to join in. And do not feel guilty to drop the baby off at a baby sitter's now and then so that you can have some time for yourself. Go and relax in a day spa girl and things will not look so gloomy.

    Pushpa.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2007
  2. Shanthi

    Shanthi Silver IL'ite

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  3. iman

    iman Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,

    I recently joined this forum and find it very knowlegeble because all of your good advises and sharing your experiences. And i found all you have written excellent..

    I am also riding in the same boat,, but i found this forum healer as whenever i feel alone and depressed, I read it and find every time new things to learn and boost myself..

    So don't be depressed young lady, You make ur own world of happiness and c the difference, "many will join you".
    and its ur life, try to find happiness in within you.
     
  4. sofiya

    sofiya New IL'ite

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    Hey,

    I just posted a thread with a downloadable soft copy of the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/m...6426-men-mars-women-venus-soft.html#post51443

    For Padmamadhavan and all others who would like to read it.
     
  5. padmamadhavan

    padmamadhavan New IL'ite

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    hi sofiya

    Thank you very much for sharing the book, but the link is not opening....
     
  6. sofiya

    sofiya New IL'ite

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    Hi Padmamadhavan,

    Sorry abt tht. I did post it as a new thread yesterday in the Marriage, Spouses and In-Laws forum but the thread was missing today somehow. I have posted a message in the site help and FAQ's forum regarding it, also asking if you are actually allowed to post a book or not thinking tht it might be the reason y it has been removed.

    I have posted it again right now http://www.indusladies.com/forums/marriage-spouse-and-in-laws/6442-men-mars-women-venus-soft.html

    Hope you are able to download it now. If not, please lemme knw and i will PM it to you personally.

    Take Care.
     
  7. Vandhana

    Vandhana Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sofiya,

    I think your attachent has been moderated. We cannot attach soft copies of whole books on this site. It becomes a copy right issue. If you want to share it, please get the persons email ID and email it to them.

    Do not post the link on this website. I have also removed your most recent post with the attachment for the same reason.

    Vandhana
     
  8. sofiya

    sofiya New IL'ite

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    Oh ok...got that...thanx for letting me know Vandhana. Will keep that in mind. :wave
     
  9. vinj74

    vinj74 New IL'ite

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    Hi

    Dt get depressed .These phases comes in life and goes.my sis is also in US and she told me the same story .When she went there after marriage.Her hubby even said "Oh god all the time when i enter in house i see her face all the time".You can understand how depressing and insulting remark.But from that day onwards she began her own life in her style.And in fact few yrs. back I also faced same prob .

    But i like to suggest universal tip you just ignore him a bit, dt be available all the time.Just leave him and your kid alone in a house for a while go for walk(ask him casually r u coming along with me) or go to market alone on his off days or at the time when he is at home.But always ask him wld u like to join me or come with me.May be in begning he will say no but later he will say ye ok i will .Or work somewhere as pastime.Just make yourself busy .Delibrately in his presence.just make him feel you have your own life too besides him.This will make you happy and simultaneously he will not take you forgranted.Have you seen tamil and eng movie "MITR"its really work.just try it.


    vins
     
  10. kripa shankari

    kripa shankari New IL'ite

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    dear friend
    i also have the same problem
    but ia m a resident of chennai and that is the only difference.
    i liv with my inlaws and my parents r close by.
    i also used to get frustrated and depressed.
    i actually went throu a long period of depression.
    all i can tell u is look 2 urself 4 ur happiness.
    it is all right to read and see dutifull husbands in books and movies.
    u might even have idolised ur father r brother.
    but ur hubby might not match upto them.
    but what u get is totally different.
    accept him as it is.
    if he is not able to become ur betterhalf, why waste ur life on it.
    learn to live each moment and turn it into happy thoughts.
    it is all very well to say all these but the effort should come from u.
    i hav been there
    so i know.
    come out of it.
    start thinking beyond ur personal life.
    improve urself.
    in a little while ur daughter will grow up and u will hav time in ur hands.
    so b patient .
    luv
    krips
     

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