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Roles and Boundaries of extended families

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Srama, Jul 3, 2015.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Beautiful description in post.

    Priceless.

    Sometimes, just sometimes, the life of lesser complicated times beckons. The hot summer nights, all sleeping outside, giggling and making noise long after grown-ups have sternly warned us to go to sleep. Wish I had preserved some of those quilts made by the grandmas and their pals.

    They had no grinder. How the dry and wet masalas and materials were ground... no video cameras then.. all only in the mind.. the vivid images, sounds... what memories...
     
  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    They say marriages are made in heaven. It is so true. With the blessings of my grandmother both we sisters got our better half, my sister from my father's place and me from my mother's place. Those days everything has to be cleaned and there were never ready made products. My grandmother cleaned 100 kilos of Rice for my sister's marriage which she bought from the women who used to come to our house to sell Rice. Also she bought steel vessels for her marriage from the woman who come selling at home. My sisters was a grandmarriage well planned by my brother and 1000 people attended. No caterers those days and cook was there.

    For my sister's marriage my grandmother prayed to Lord Vinayaka that she will offer 1008 kozakattari that without hurdles the marriage should take place. Before my marriage my grandmother had cancer. So she told me that you pray for yourself and you will get a good husband and I got agem of a person fromher place only

    I got married to a large family, my husband had eight sisters and four brothers. Now only one brother and five sisters are there. When I got married we were living in a chawl with my brother in law and two nephews of my husband. Morning everyone will be in kitchen . I was not so good in cooking and I used to just help them . First I was scared how I am going to adjust with such a big family. Those days no mixie, no fridge, no washing machne. But everyone used to do their work happily . Any function in our house there will be lot of people, my sisters in law , their children. Each set of people will be doing some work. After the kitchen work was over the ladies will start washing the clothes. In some houses theyw ill wash only their clothes but in my in laws house they will wash all the clothes together, one will wash, one will squeeze, the other will dry, so the work becomes easy. While eating all will sit together and eat saying some jokes . the other days when no function and when only me, husband, brother in law and nephews are there , mornign everyone will be in the kitchen, then all will go to work . If I am late my husband will send his brother to pick me up. His niece got married to my brother. She was below 20 yrs. but always worried about house work, when I used to call her to come out she will say house work is there.

    During my delivery I did not go to my house but delivery in inlaw's house only and brother in law and nephews used to help. When my daughter was born more than me my brothe rin law was very happy and told everyone in the chaal. He used to make dosa for me and send through my nephew to the hospital. My daughter was given so much love by all of them, today also she is very much attached to her chittappa ie. my brother in law , her athai's sons and she got married also to one of her athai's son only. Another athai's son of hers who was also with us was remembering those days recenlty saying she is my daughter. He is now 58 years old and not married. My daughter will be complete 40 yrs next year.

    Any function they never had caterers but all together used to take care of cooking. Now all are well settled , their children earning very well and in high positions , so now they keep caterers. But for any function everyone will come and attend , from Kerala , from Pure etc. There have been indifferences but that wont be there during the functions and people looking at our in law's family feel jealous seeing everyone so co operative. My husband and brothe rin law are like RAm and Lakshman and my brother in law till today respects his brother and me and for anythign he will say ask my brother. Whenever we are not well he will come to see us with food. He is expert in cooking and for devasam and mangili pondugal he only cooks.

    I am blessed to be a part of this loving family
     
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  3. Mamta1

    Mamta1 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I have my own ups and downs in my family relations. My family, before marriage consisted of my two elder brothers, my grand mother and my parents. We went through our thick and thins and had our share of struggling and happiness. After marriage everything got changed at once.

    It is actually too personal to share and I will start crying if i talk about this. But bottom line is now I only have my parents and my in-laws family. My brothers think I don't even exist.

    But I think I'm one of the lucky person because my in-laws are looking after me as their own daughter. That is what keeps me going. And now I have a new family of Indusladies.

    Thanks
    Mamta
     
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  4. Mamta1

    Mamta1 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    I believe, a relation demands trust, faith and the believe or confidence that if I fall someone is their to hold me. These three will make any relation stronger.

    Thanks
    Mamta.
     
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  5. mariumjan

    mariumjan New IL'ite

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    living with the family, I think u should live separate but visit the family regularly invite them around etc. u need your own space
     
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  6. sonuoct

    sonuoct New IL'ite

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    So excited to be here in this forum. And am chennai mom leading a wonderful family with support of all members in our Joint family. yes i was in love with my loving husband for almost 7.5yrs before marriage. And with a bit of struggle we convinced our parents and got married to live a happy and healthy family. I have a son (2.5yrs old) Siddanth. We both work and its my inlaws who takes care of our kid. Apart from this we are running an academy in velachery chennai for kids which is exclusively for personality and sensory development of kids. Busy life and i just love to live the way it goes on.... :)
     
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  7. sonuoct

    sonuoct New IL'ite

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    Hi Mamta,

    hardtime comes in everyones life... I believe and pray that one day or the other your brothers ll behave with you as what they were earlier to you. And i like the spirit in you to keep your life moving, rather sitting and hitting your mind with what has happened. Cheer up...

    Regards,
    Sonu
     
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  8. sonuoct

    sonuoct New IL'ite

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    Hi Viji,

    Good to read through your post and you were lucky having such a wonderful and kind grandma around. And i believe or assume that you have a big family as like mine. And am enjoying that as well. As i have not experience such a family bonding before marriage, other than my mom dad bro and grandma and very few relatives....

    keep going and enjoy your life with this big family :)

    regards,
    Sonu
     
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  9. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    @sonuoct, Sonu dear welcome to IL family, this is a loving family. Just noticed that this is your first day in IL and I am glad to get your feedback to my post here.

    Yes dear I feel blessed to be part of a loving family. I was married to a large family and all are very co operative. I feel blessed. Glad you are also enjoying in your family. Thanks fo ryour good wishes and wish you also a happy married life
     
  10. Gujar

    Gujar New IL'ite

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    Please suggest
     

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