Discussion in 'Married Life' started by jooti, Oct 5, 2007.
Hi Ria, i would like some more tips from you! thanks
Thanks for the taking up the suggestion. Handling with in-laws is usually complicated by our own emotional quotient. If we can manage to do it objectively, this relation can be worked in positive direction.
1) First ..Its difficult but try to implement it, You will know what I am talking when you really do it.. "Kill with sweetness" Simple principle Chankya gave, works best for In-laws' issues. Keep your interaction with them as minimal as possible. Never confront or argue.. Just listen and nod.. Say you guys are so awsome.. I feel so lucky to be aprt of this family blah blah... everything which may be music to their ears..
2) in solitude with ur hubby too, Never think of telling your issues with them. he will never agree. So just say reverese, you know Sil is so-good , BIL is so good. etc etc.
3) More you defend ur side , more you will see them bicker over it. Just plainly admit, they may have their issues. Everybody has issues. Thats why we are all human. Only God is perfect. So even my parents may have their faults. even sometime just say it out.. You know my mom never did "so and so thing" so good as u do MIL.
I know those who think being true and tactless is best, would not agree with me. But I have seen it working in my own case and others too.
whenever there is less emtional attachments, tact can often get you better results than plain emotional commitment.
4) 80% people like free gifts.. No one is exception. Just buy once in while nice things for ur ILs.. find occassions to gift.. Like the most nearing one is Kawa chauth.. wether u fast or not ..(bcos u r pregnant) Just buy a nice saree and good quality make up and wrap it nice.. And gift to ur MIL. And just tell her u plan to follow this forever..
5) Whatever they speak about u to other.. You make ur mind to onl speak good about them.. And make sure you know that they come to know this.. Once twice thrice..by 20 th times. your ILs will feel ashamed of themselves for doin this to u.
6) Usually with people who are close , and who have decided to be against you. Being nice gets you slower but long term results.
For me, I got married to a guy, who went all against everybody to marry me. So you can imagine what kind of reaction I would have had while i entered my sasuraal. everybody thot I have somehow grabbed their son etc.. But with last 3 years, my in-laws have never stopped praising me for whatever i do.
It wasnt easy and quick transition, it took me few years of trying .. And now i can really count on them. They absolutely love me.
Few tricks i always stuck by was..
- never reply back for any taunt.
- make explicit show of how much love ur ILs and how great they are.
- Just be nice to them.. No matter how mean they are to u.
- When anyone speaks bad for ur side.. Just accept it.. And express ur gratitude for still taking u in..This wont lower u , this will only raise ur image.
- In marriage its never between ur IL and you. It s always between you and your hubby.
- Winning trust is never easy.. Give them 10000 reasons to trust you for their family
- Forgive , forget and do what ur heart says.
- never do something whoch unlike of ur being. No matter how much other action may force u.
I hope this helps a bit.
Inspiring and useful tips ria...
I liked the part ' give them 100000 reasons to trust you'...
My mum always teaches the praise part...have to learn the skill...will be useful
Thanks. I am happy if it can help anyone here.
I see so many people tortured and pained by their ILs. If little tact can better the quality of relation with IL then why not.