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Revert or Forgive and forget

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by iamnidhi, Apr 17, 2015.

  1. iamnidhi

    iamnidhi Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Dear Ladies,

    I am becoming active member here.I am feeling better as well. Before coming here I used to think I am the only who is getting all these feelings,but after reading I am feeling much better.

    One more thing I would like to ask.What you do in following situations:
    Suppose there is a major event which you planned differently but your IL's made it somehow bad.
    My question is suppose there is something happened at such event which is major for you.Which is one and only.But they spoiled it.And despite spoiling they are not sorry for it in fact telling how they were correct.Even in everyday life too they make something and you end up just smiling outside and fuming inside.

    At one place I feel let's revert back, let them ask why did you do this? Why spoiled it.But revert back means "Ulta jawab". Again they will say bad words about me to there relatives and will say DIL is so arrogant.Even for 2 years you just keep mum.Still I have not revert back and asked.

    I am really scared of revert back. As they are elder so revert back means their insult.Even if I revert back once then I will listen 100 times in future.

    At other place I feel why I should keep mum.I think there is something called ego.Inside I feel why to remain silent. What will happen maximum? Why should I keep in my mind and trouble myself.


    As that event is over I try to explain myself why are you thinking about it. That is over now and despite worrying and getting angry that is not coming back.So forget it and be at peace with IL's.

    So what you do in such situation?

    DO you revert back?Do you feel scared to revert back although you are right? Do you keep silent like ignorance is best policy? And how do you remove hurt from your mind.
     
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  2. sumathysuguna

    sumathysuguna Silver IL'ite

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    Even I faced a sort of situation in my life. Even I am fuming inside and thinking that they r elderly people. I didn't revert back. I think our parents brought us well that's y can't behave like that. They will pay for all these in some other way. But being with such people in daily life facing each other is terrible. Most horrible. We should avoid such people in daily life.
    I heard that gud people saying that if u revert back their sin will get lost. Let them finish their sin in pain
     
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  3. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    I would stay silent until it bothers me too much..and one day create a big scene automatically cuz of the bottled up hatred. First time, it felt worse because of the reactions from in-laws...now,I feel ok. Don't care much.
    I learnt one thing. NO ONE is going to stand up for you. You need to stand up for yourself. Gone are those days where people will look at your good nature and praise you for that.
     
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  4. tarasharma

    tarasharma Gold IL'ite

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    @iamnidhi

    Forget and ignore. Reverting back will lead to more tensions. Just ignore. Train your mind to do that. I feel that is the only way to manage.
     
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  5. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Maam . Next time during ur functions and imp occasions please try to be more cautious that u wont get some troubels from ur il's side. I can understand it will be hurting a lot.
     
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  6. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    @iamnidhi:

    One need not revert or forgive or forget when faced with ill-mannered people and demeaning comments.

    By reverting, you may add more fuel to the fire and damage yourself. By forgiving and forgetting, you may end up letting them take you for granted.

    First, see how such people/comments affect you. If its in your mind day in and day out, then you act on it.

    Act by ignoring or eliminating them completely from your life, slowly and steadily. (They are physically there, but act like they are not there) Nothing can bother such people than getting ignored/not being acknowledged.
     
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  7. sumathysuguna

    sumathysuguna Silver IL'ite

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    U r absolutely right sparkle. Even I did the same to such people.
     
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  8. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    In my opinion, we need to deal with issues as and when they happen. There is no point doing a post-mortem and dragging it out. Not screaming or shouting or insulting someone else.

    Just firmly state what you want and carry on doing it your way. I don't mean here that you disregard others' feelings. I would say, listen - make eye contact, nod, assess the request there and then. You might decide to accommodate them or you might decide to not give in. If you decide to not give in, state regally, "I hear you, however, I would prefer to do this my way." That is all. They can rave and rant.

    In every single situation, be fully present and alert. Take charge. Make decisions there and then. In case you do not take charge at that point, forgive and forget; remember not to do the same mistake again; be prepared for future scenarios rather than stewing over what they did and how you could have countered it. There is no point crying over spilt milk.

    Give me an example if you wish and I could suggest something more concrete.
     
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  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Too much of either is going to give you trouble .
    If you choose your battles and decide that some issues need to be talked about...then you cause short term problems but long term shanti.

    If you forgive too much ....you gain long term ashanti. Forgive what can be forgiven....but thing that are beyond forgiveness should be dealt with .


    As for the interference....slowly work towards being the sole decision maker and cut them out of your life.It takes a few years but it is do-able.
     
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  10. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    It depends on the situation, OP.
     
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