Retaining Maiden surname and more!!

Weasly · Jul 17, 2014

Hello Dear ILs,

I have been married for 1.5 years! And in the beginning I was planning on taking my DH's surname. I had decided this before marriage itself, even though I was not very okay with the idea but I thot its fine at the time! Now its been 1.5 years and we never really got around to changing my name on my passport or visa because we were very busy after the marriage and trying to settle in a different place! In that time, I seem to have changed my mind abt this! And I dont really want to change my name! Now my passport is up for renewal in sometime and I do not want to change my surname!
Firstly, its too much of a hassle!!
Secondly, its my family name and why should I have to change it, I guess from this side of the marriage I dont feel like parting from my family name!!
Thirdly, its his family name, and I dont like his family, they are the people who I despise the most in the world for all the problems they bring into my life everyday, why should I have to carry their name! (I thot of taking my husband's first name as my last name because my DH is very supporting and loving, but thats just plain stupiddoh1)
Fourthly, I think its a very archaic and old system that women need to change their name.
And the last thing I am starting to think is that when we do plan a kid, I want our kid to have both my and my husband's surname!! One of the surname could be a middle name! When a husband and wife are equally responsible for bringing up the family. They have equal contributions in their family life both emotionally, financially and they share all the responsibilities equally, why shouldn't the kid carry both their names??
Now I haven't really communicated this to my husband outright, but I am thinking of! Do you think it could blow up??
I would really appreciate your advice and opinion !

SGBV · Jul 17, 2014

Well, in my family we always have a family name-surname. However, in my husband's family they do not have a family name. The father's first name is the surname of the child. They have only 2 names. First name and father's first name.

When it comes to my marriage, I was not ready to use my husband's name as my surname. It sounded different for me, though it was a very normal practice for them. Like you, I didn't want to use my FIL's first name either. It doesn't make sense at all.

So, I decided to keep my surname-family name. More than that, my office e mail is my surname@officename.org. This is very familiar to everyone since I've been working in this same office for a long time (since before marriage). So, I didn't want to change it too.

In my case, my family name is part of my identity. But it is not the same with my husband. That's why I opted to retain the same even after marriage.

VaniVyas · Jul 17, 2014

Write the name which you want on the passport and then write your husbands name correctly. Do the passport renewal and later put the blame on the authorities who forgot to add the surname since your name was long enough with your family name.

Though I wanted to change my surname and add my husbands name. the passport authourities did a mistake and now I have my full name + husbands full name with family name added to my passport.

This have made my name long enough..... Sigh!!!

beingloved · Jul 17, 2014

What's in a name? If you both bond well, these things hardly matter! Retain your maiden name..

guesshoo · Jul 17, 2014

It is alright to retain your surname simply because you are an individual with an identity from even before you got married. Just apply for your passport renewal without any discussion. That way, All details stay the same expect for husbands name being added in the appropriate space. In case you have spoken to husband about this before and he expects you to change your name, just tell him simply that you feel nostalgic about your name and would rather retain it without complaining about ILs.

An alternative is to have you surname changed to original surname (hyphen) marital surname.

As for kids, a lot of kids have their mums surname as their middle name or have both their parents' surname hyphenated.

brahan · Jul 17, 2014

I guess it does not really matter. Change only if you are comfortable..Just because you change the surname it doesnt show your love for your Hubby...Go Ahead with what you like...after all you need to be happy eod.

PS: I love my Hubby , but still would love to use my DF name as my Surname :banana

Weasly · Jul 17, 2014

VaniVyas said: ↑

Write the name which you want on the passport and then write your husbands name correctly. Do the passport renewal and later put the blame on the authorities who forgot to add the surname since your name was long enough with your family name.

Though I wanted to change my surname and add my husbands name. the passport authourities did a mistake and now I have my full name + husbands full name with family name added to my passport.

This have made my name long enough..... Sigh!!!
Click to expand...

I guess i will do this only !! Blame it on the passport authority ppl and retain my maiden name!

Thanx!!

yellowmango · Jul 17, 2014

A lot of people in India are doing the same.The late retains her maiden name and the kids take up both surnames. Not a big issue ...unless some one wants to turn it into one.

My Fil was complaining to us about my co-sister who has retained her maiden name.He said"she still hasn't accepted our family."I told him you should be happy with this trend because you only have grand daughters and now no chances of having a grand son. You can hope a few of your grand daughters will keep your family name. For once he was left speech less.