Restoring Happiness In My Married Life

hridhaya · Dec 22, 2016

Just today, I was reading this thread by @blindpup10 and I felt I am playing her DH's role in my life. I don't have the capacity to handle anything unusual from what I am used to. I prefer to stay in my comfort zone. Change causes lot of discomfort. Having to wait for outcomes and thinking about the results stresses me totally.

I am more a negative person and it is very rare of me to calm myself by thinking positively. My mother's second nature is to be anxious, stressed out and go into panic mode by exaggerating and even convincing others to believe in her. I am not her type and have stayed away from her after my marriage but it feels I am following her path now. I am in mid thirties and not mature and able to look at things from a larger perspective.

My husband has a strong personality too and so it only adds to the fire whenever we have a difficult or new situation to handle. I cool down after going through the aftermath and feel sorry but cant say I will control my behavior. It feels like I am not in control of myself when unexpected things happen.

What can I do about this?

guesshoo · Dec 22, 2016

Cognitive behavioural therapy will help. Look up for online courses. There are free ones.

You can use breathing techniques to calm yourself down and think rationally before you let anything slip.

blindpup10 · Dec 22, 2016

@hridhaya- First and foremost is accepting that you have an undesirable behavior and I think you have already accepted it and you want to resolve it. Kudos to you, for that ( not a lot of people even want to accept their negative behavior)

The second step is to seek what is right for you- You can go to therapy, CBT is an ideal one. My DH has gone to CBT therapist before. The cons of therapy is- you have to be persistent with the therapy. You have to accept, follow and try to change your behavior while working with the therapist.
I found therapy to not go anywhere with my DH as he fails to follow it. He accepts and understands what needs to change- its very hard for my DH to see how to change it. Even if the how is given by the therapist-- my DH can't do it.

The second thing my DH has done is talk to a PCP about his anxiety levels and got an anti-anxiety medication. My DH has tried few anti- anxiety medication in the past while he was in therapy. Finding the right medication is also a challenge. The medication does wonders- my DH is literally cool as a cucumber when he is on a medication ( his coolness is even noted from his colleagues). There are some natural supplements for anti-anxiety medication- like Kava--these can calm you for few hours.

Whatever you choose to do consult with your doctor and go with your doctor's advice. Again, find the right therapist, PCP who will fit what you are looking for.

Don't be in a rush to shake off anxiety in few months ( even with medication & therapy)- it takes longer and its ok. Some of our behavior is inculcated in us from childhood, we can't shake it off. Be mentally ready for it to take longer and don't be frustrated about it.

Goodluck

hridhaya · Dec 23, 2016

Thanks @guesshoo and @blindpup10. Nice of you to respond.

I will look up CBT. I have been blaming my husband so far but I am beginning to feel sick of my behaviour and negative thoughts. It seems like I complicate things too much with my muddled thinking. All I want to do is calm down and not react for every single thing. Thanks again.