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Respecting spouse's dressing/grooming restrictions, suggestions

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Nov 8, 2012.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Husband and wife might tell one or more of the below to each other:

    1. Do not wear tight tops. Do not wear sleeveless or see-through sleeve tops.
    2. Do not wear nightie outside the bedroom.
    3. Do not wear jeans. Wear only Indian clothes.
    4. Your long hair one plait is old-fashioned, try a hipper hair-cut.
    5. Your dresses are so old-fashioned, try some capris, skirts...

    1. Do not wear lungi when my parents come to visit.
    2. Do not apply so much oil to your hair.
    3. Do not wear those bright pink, maroon shirts.
    4. Do not keep a moustache.
    5. Trim the nose hair.

    Which of these are reasonable and which are trying-to-control?
    When does a suggestion from a spouse become a restriction?
    Should we dress to please ourselves only or spouse also?
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I think the ones that make one look more attractive and presentable are suggestions worth following.

    The 'do not wear sleeveless' kind of ones are husband trying to control the wife. Assuming she has arms worth showing off.

    But then, if she knew from before itself that he is old-fashioned.. then, I am not sure...

    if she knew from before itself that he wears a lungi at home, has bright pink/maroon shirts, does not trim nose hair often, applies oil to hair and has a moustache.... then,... I am not sure.
     
  3. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Mostly in arranged marriage (even in love marriages), people have no idea how the other one dresses inside their homes. Best thing is to try to adjust with other people's taste because how much you can ask beforehand. Of course whatever they wear should be accepted as generally decent.

    Not only the 'do not wear sleeveless' kind of husbands are control freaks, but also those who tell wives to wear modern clothes are also the same. If girl loves wearing salwar kurta and has never tried jeans, I don't think she should be pushed to wear it after marriage, just to please the husband. Same goes with wives too.

    I had a fight with MIL over dressing issues. I plainly told DH no one should dictate me what I wear. I take care I never criticize him about clothes, even though I don't like his choice much. IMHO, one must learn to look loved ones beyond their external characteristics like clothes, hair pattern, etc. It is not so difficult, if you really love.
     
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  4. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    neither too western nor too old fashioned, i am like a confused desi think, but definitely my dh never interferes in these things, infact he would be too glad if am a total westerner in dressing sense. i am the one not willing to change totally.
     
  5. Naksh

    Naksh Platinum IL'ite

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    All of those are reasonable :) none sound controlling to me...
     
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  6. apaasn

    apaasn Gold IL'ite

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    I think a person should dress according to what he/she prefers rather than spouse.Luckily for me,my husband and me have similar tastes when it comes to clothes,so I blindly ask him to pick a dress for me or jewellery for that matter.
    In fact he has a good eye for picking clothes better than me so I almost never buy anything without him.
    In general,people should dress the way they want but its okay to sometimes wear a dress the husband likes , like his birthday.
    The 'do not wear sleeveless' husbands are just insecure and are control freaks.
    I have a friend who doesnt wear sleeveless becasue her husband doesnt like it but its not like he ordered her not to wear,he just gave his opinion and my friend doesnt wear sleeveless for him.
    Dressing/grooming restrictions come into existence when in laws visit us or we visit them,it has and always will be a problem for me in life.I infact have a separate wardrobe for them,thats a different issue altogether.Let me not digress.
     
  7. Radhai

    Radhai Platinum IL'ite

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    All of them are reasonable. :)
    Who else are they going to suggest if not to their spouse?
    A suggestion remains a suggestion when the suggester does it with good intention AND the one who was suggested has a better understanding of the suggester.

    Dressing should be to please BOTH.
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    All are reasonable? :) Why you wanting to kill thread so soon? :)

    Is the "do not wear jeans/western clothes, wear only Indian clothes" thing from husband reasonable?
     
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  9. SaleemaRex

    SaleemaRex Gold IL'ite

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    As long it is a request, it's fine. Otherwise it is controlling, I don't mind getting suggestions from my husband but I am a grown women so he can't really tell me what I can and can't wear.
     
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  10. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    1. Do not wear tight tops. Do not wear sleeveless or see-through sleeve tops.

    I did say this in the early days of marriage. The other option she had are those grandiose salwar with the hideous patiala pants, so i stopped professing.

    3. Do not wear jeans. Wear only Indian clothes.

    I do ask her to wear jeans instead of leggings(Indian). Atleast she gets a pocket to keep her large phone.
     
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