I am starting this thread mainly to vent but I look forward to hear anything which will help, any different views from how I see the things and any other startegies to cope with my anger for my mother are welcome. It's going to be a long thread and I will continue to add on untill I have poured my heart out. My mom is very submissive by nature. I have one older brother. Our childhood was a normal late 70s and 80s childhood. My dad is a very kind person, always ready to help others blindly. He always had to face betrayals by his own family. They always used him and never returned the money borrowed. Even though dad this selflessly but my brother and I do not appreciate and this. We always did ok financial, dad is an impulsive investor , some decisions he took turned out good, some not so good. This has caused rift in my brother and dad. Now coming to my mother she was a working lady a school principal but very submissive at home front. I believe she had huge self esteem issues which badly reflected in her parenting. My daddi( father's mother) used to live with us and she was a very bitter woman, gave my mother a very hard time, to top it up my bhuas ( dads sister's) would always gang up against mom. My mom never opposed them or anything. Dad never stops by mom. Their relationship was ok. Now coming to the root of the problem, my mother was an emotionally absent mother. She was never there for us emotionally. She never stood by us. When ever we went for outings she would leave my brother with my grandma and take me with her. Grandma spoiled my brothers childhood. She was a very bitter woman. Always filled his ears against mom and her family. It has profound effect on my brothers personality. He is a very kind person but he has huge temper. He could never gain much confidence and primarily relied on dad for decision making. I feel his temper is his hidden pain. Being a mother she never made any effort to bring emotional closeness in her children. My brother and I had huge emotional distant, it's just now that we are in our 40s that we have started becoming emotionally close because our hearts are clear for each other. But still she has done irreparable damage to his personality. Even though I want I feel I can never forgive her for that. She is always ready to blame my brother for his temper and non confident ways, but she doesn't accept that she is the one behind it. I just hate her for this. Now She wants my brother to have a good bond with her , while she never created it when he was a child. She always brags about her own family. How well she and her sisters were raised, while in real life it's no different from any other family of their time. I had slightly dark skin and my mother used to feel bad for that. Although she never said anything on my face but her actions reflected that. That tarnished my confidence. She always used to compare us with her colleagues children, who were almost the same as us in every way. There are many other incidents. I have huge anger for my mother to the point that it's affecting my every day Life. I have taken therapy that only helped me so much. Every now and then I come back to square one. When I became a mother I found it so hard to give what I didn't receive. it take me while to form a good bond with my child. To other people she is a very obedient wife,.who never went against her husband and was never rude to her mil and sils but her tittles mean nothing to me and my brother. Ours seem a good family from outside but there is no emotional base which a mother creates. As I am growing older it's pushing me far and far from her. I never realised all this while growing up but I just hate her so much now. There is another thing which I never told anyone except my therapist is that my mother was in a secretive relationship with her sisters husband. Which no one knows about. It's just that I saw them together once and they didn't know that I am there. My therapist was a Westerner, she couldn't understand how deeply it shattered me. I don't know how to cope with this. To everyone else she is a very homely and kind lady but I hate her. She is very submissive person. No one can believe that she had a character flaw. ACC to my therapist she is also a human, who may slipped through emotionally but I cannot come in terms with this. I have never told her what I saw.she is 70+. I do not know if I should tell her that I know what she did years back or I just let it go. I have so many things to release.but I just keep on going around in circles.