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Resent Husband And No Intimacy

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by star90new, Oct 14, 2018.

  1. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    I can reduce. I am already in my healthy weight range. He says I am hairy but I really am not that hairy.
    I dont want 6/8 pack. I just want a guy who looks like a man . He has all the symptoms of low testosterone yet his blood check up comes out normal. He has love handles and man boobs. He is not ready to get naked because of that. I tried convincing him, when he goes he improves a bit , muscle part.

    Its hard to take him to gym or the doctor.
    I feel ashamed to tell my parents that I have an issue like this with him. I have already spoken with his mom, she told me that its strange as everyone else in his fmily has a well built body.

    His mom told his dad and forced him to see a doctor . The doctor at that time said to do plastic surgery as it is superficial. His parents don’t know about consummation.
     

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  2. Jamelia02

    Jamelia02 Silver IL'ite

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    I'm surprised that you want to live with him because you had spent so many years knowing him but he doesn't show the slightest sign of wanting you. Well, in this relationship there is no intimacy and there is no care too. He has been even hurting you based on how you look, yet you seem to save your marriage. This has to get mutual or else your frustration is going to be added to an extent that you will lose all your mental peace. So here is my suggestion/points to think over

    1. Does he miss you in your absence ? Some guys may not openly disclose to their wife but you could sense it like does he call you more unusually or similar such . If so, make him miss you a little more and see if it helps.
    2. Its true when a relationship lacks intimacy, you end up in frustration. So has he ever felt that kind of frustration. You meant, he doesn't like foreplay but does he have any urge to have so called direct "s**". Have you denied him of such 's**'? Are you ready to let it his way for once and see if he would be interested more?
    3. For some guys its 's**' and for others its more of an emotional bond with their partner. Do you see signs of he being emotionally dependent on you? in which case, you should stop fighting with him and be patient for things to happen. Stay calm and make him wonder what has given you the change.
    4. Give him a ultimatum. If he doesn't seem to bother, then you have to choose your ways.

    I'm so sorry for you situation. Sadly, this happens to many women and Indian society still doesn't accept a women raising such concerns and blames the women even in this case but lets the men walk without a guilt. But again this is your life, you got to live them so you make your choices with all your heart whether continuing with this man or not.
     
    hermitcrab, star90new and Minion like this.
  3. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes .. I am scared of marrying again.
    He says he misses me when he is away.
    He says he misses me but never shows that he loves me when I am next to him.

    Yes , I have denied him a few times in the starting of our marriage. I couldn’t imagine going direct without him making me feel loved.

    Emotionally yes , a few times. When he stressed or when he is sick he needs me.
    Thank you Jameli02 I will try giving him an ultimatum.


     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    lavani and salad like this.
  5. Jamelia02

    Jamelia02 Silver IL'ite

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    Somewhere I see not consummating your marriage also may be the reason why he isn't getting more attached. I totally understand your perspective but ask many girls in here, not all of their 'First nights or First timers' would have been beautiful as one want it to be. Most would be a flop show but eventually it can bind us together. It can take few tries to even become comfortable or to feel the pleasure of s**. I kinda had the same issue, though we consummated my husband never was really interested about s** and even the few times he would it used to be just direct IC (even in the first year of marriage) and even when we had emotional connect. It took years before he would first caressed me and all that foreplay. So, look this in a different dimensions and try to give in first. If he has approached you then you probably make the move of talking to him slowly or rather whispering to him about how you dream about your life together with him without having to deny him. He clearly wants you when he is sick so there seems to be a dependency on you. Be happy about it and ensure you can be a great pillar at those tough times for him. Do the best to help him and he will come looking for you. Being wanted by our partner is a great feel. So think about ways where you could make things happen. Good luck!
     
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