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Resent Husband And No Intimacy

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by star90new, Oct 14, 2018.

  1. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    He could still be asexual. Watching might be enough for him, but actual touching someone might be a turnoff. When you tried counseling, what has been the feedback you received?
     
  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    So, the issue is really about loving yourself and for you, not being able to love yourself because of this precious relationship. Forgive yourself for your past actions, you are allowed to make mistakes and now you know better.
     
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  3. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    At that time my husband he had two relationships before me. After me accepting I had one, he says he never had any.
    My parents hold me high , they tell others that I never had a relationship before marriage.
     
  4. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Hairless I meant , very very light hair on arms and legs. Facial hair is not at all dense. He says he shaves every two weeks.

    “When people ask oh din’t you shave?”
    “He replies ohh its just one day. My hair is too dense.”

    He has zero hair on chest and has chest fat.
    I never expected a guy without body hair to be my husband.
     
  5. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    I don’t know. People younger to me have a lot too Many relationships. I think few people in my age group (late 20’s, born late 88, 89 ,90,91)have . He looks less manly, though is 6’4 , he has no dense chest or facial hair like men in 30’s. He says I have a lot of body hair even though in comparison to my friends, I am on the lesser side.
     
  6. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    This part makes me think that you are just not attracted to your husband. Body hair or not, is not really a big deal. The men is my family are muscular but naturally quite hairless- that is what I thought I would be attracted to, but turns out to not be the case. I feel like this is just an excuse that your mind is creating for lack of attraction.

    That part about him tricking you into revealing your past, that's awful. I wouldn't be able to trust anyone who did that to me.
     
  7. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

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    I read all your replies here in this thread. It’s neither your physical appearance nor your previous relationships the cause for your marital problems.

    It’s his medical problems. He has to be checked by a doctor and seek treatment.

    Whether the cause is treatable or not will come out only after the check up. Which means that just by counselling alone one cannot solve such problems.

    Have a good conversation with him and ask him to do get treatment. If the problem persists you have to rethink this marriage. Three years is quite a long time. Counseling to yourself alone is for getting peace of mind. Not to solve the underlying problem. So get help and discuss. Good luck.
     
  8. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Now after you said about me not being attracted. I recollect him sending me a photo after the engagement , when I asked him why his body hair was so light. He sent me a photo of some hollywood actor saying look at this my chest hair is denser than this. I never saw him without his shirt until a few months into marriage. He always wears something or the other. He always covers up his torso, even while sleeping. He doesnt visit some temples saying he hates removing his shirt.


    My husband doesnt have enough muscle too. When I had first met him, he was little muscular. After marriage, he has no muscle and has soft skin. His skin also gets red when scratched or pressed.


    Him tricking me.. it was in the very starting and at that time he never said that he wanted to marry me. Now I feel , it was a bait . Even then, I remember a incident where my aunty adviced her married daughter to never admit about her relationship even though her hubby had opened about it.

    I dint care much about relationships , when I had met my husband. I planned to marry a person who had previous relationships.
     
  9. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    Which specialist should we be meeting?
    My husband hates doctors. He never goes for the follow ups. He once met a doctor for chest fat. His thyroid and some male hormones came up right. He tells me he lost chest hair in a span of two years and showed me a photo with some chest hair.

    I don’t know, what is wrong with him.
     
  10. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    What if he threatens you. You can tell your parents that he threatened you. I call this as emotional abuse. You should gain courage and inform your parents before its too late. They will help you. [ if you cannot talk, write a letter and hand it to your mother & request her to manage the situation carefully]

    I think he has some issue and he is aware of it. But he want to hide it from everyone and keep you as trophy wife just for the society. Tell him directly that you are thinking to walk out of this marriage. I think you are finding excuses to stay in this marriage. I dont think his hair or past relationship has anything to do with your current state now. Why are you worried about that when you have other important issues to address. He is making you feel guilty and doubt yourself. Its his technique. Please get rid of it from your mind. You are beautiful the way you are.

    After few years people will start asking about kids, then he may force you for IVf and tell everyone that you have the problem . I read similar story here in IL forum. Anyway its is up to you to decide what you want. I think 3 years is a long period to fix the issue you have now . You have three options as counselling and other therapy are not helping (1) stay in this marriage and suffer , be ready to face all blames from him including infertility (2) stay in this marriage and go for other relationship like you wrote here, but your dh dont agree , he may defame you. (3) get out of this with dignity as early as possible and find better options. Its your life, only you can decide.
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2018
    Deborah and BhumiBabe like this.

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