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Resent Husband And No Intimacy

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by star90new, Oct 14, 2018.

  1. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    i have posted several times regarding my issues with my husband. All of you ladies have helped me and given lot of good advices. I have applied many of your suggestions in my day to day life.

    After suggestions , I even went for therapy sessions. I have seen two psychologist now and more than 20 sessions in the last 6 months. I havent been able to consumate my marriage even after 3 years of marriage. I have started resenting my husband and I really wish I had an external affair.

    I have zero compatibility with my husband.
    We have zero mental and physical compatibility. Even first week of marriage my husband never romanced me nor did he touch me sexually. When ever I approached him it was always a chore for him. When I asked him why he is not interested, he said that I was fat. I was 5’5 and 68 kg. Many people commented about how sexy i looked through out my college life. I looked pretty according to his relatives and friends.

    After marriage, i felt bad thinking that I was very fat ugly. My husband never cared to even kiss me even after asking. It wasnt a forced marriage. He was more interested in marrying than myself or my family.

    When ever I said about consummating he want to do it without any foreplay. He never cuddles with me. He never lets my body touch him in bed. I can count in my hand the times he has hugged on his own in this 3 years. He is not my concept physically even then i wanted to consummate to get a kid. Its been two months since he has atleast hugged me. I hate that I have started having physical needs now.

    My husband looks half as good as me.
    Being a girl , he makes feel bad about my needs. He is hairless like a girl. I mean he has zero body hair.

    What should I do? Please tell me .
     
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  2. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    Did u talk with ur parents about this? I know it is hard to discuss but certain things should be broken out to find a solution. Iam not a person who advocate divorce to separate people unless it is really serious issues like extra marital affair, cheating on wife or husband or being impotent. So when it comes to me, i will advice my best to make a couple live together. So, based on this view i can say please open it out to ur parents about this. Find out why he is reluctant on bed because u should not be wasting ur life with him. ITs time dear. Open ur mouth and discuss with ur parents and also u should make ur inlaws aware about this. Some problem with ur husband, which is stopping him. Seriously being fat is not the reason. Dont leave him on this and make him to answer because ur life is getting wasted because of this. Because i have been reading ur issues and i can understand upto some extent. He should have something preoccupied in his mind, which u should find out. Silence is never a solution to ur problem. Make everyone aware of this. Make a hard step which should make him understand that u will no more be silent. If u shy away by not discussing this, u will be the loser. When finding out his mind, it would help u to decide about ur life with him further.
     
    star90new and shravs3 like this.
  3. madras2018

    madras2018 Platinum IL'ite

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    Ask for a seperation and leave him. Sorry to be so blunt in delivering such a hard message. A sexless marriage can never change to something more exciting unless sex existed in the marriage in the first place and whatever issue happened that changed it. 3 years is long enough and there is nothing you can do, other than leaving him, to make him want to change things. Try it and see where it goes.
     
    Laks09 and star90new like this.
  4. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    If the marriage hasn't been consummated, isn't it eligible for an annulment? Personally, I am not well-versed in this, but a divorce or annulment would be the best route. I would research about how this will affect you financially and make a decision through that.
     
    star90new likes this.
  5. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    OP, I am afraid that this marriage is going to be a hell for you if you continue this way. Please dont think about bringing a kid through other ways. From whatever you have written I think that the issue is not with you but with him. Get out of this marriage which is not consummated. Inform your parents and separate. If you stay in this marriage you will be stuck in this for ever and waste your fertile & youthful days. You are beautiful the way you are. Dont believe in his victim shaming. No one is going to share your pain & torure. So decide what to do

    Believe in yourself. Inform your parents. Dont worry. They will support you when they learn the reason. Dont delay . Please take control of your life into your hands. You deserve a better life.
     
    star90new likes this.
  6. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Its not you its him.you could look like Aishwarya rai but he would still have the same reaction. he could be asexual or gay or suffering from madonna whore complex or some other issue. point is he is not doing anything to fix it . I stayed in a similar situation for thrice as long as you have , nothing changed except I withered slowly. I did leave eventually. please dont wait for another few years , it gets more difficult.
     
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  7. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    I am not sure what’s stopping him. I have had a boyfriend before marriage. Sometimes I wonder if that is the issue. We never went to physical level but after marriage,one day my husband said he can never accept a girl who had previous relationships. I was foolish enough to open up about thinking its okay to be frank as I have not even kissed anyone before marriage.
     
  8. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    I asked my husband, if his only reason is that I am ugly.. and to that now he says he feels its wrong to have with me. Cant understand him , he feels its wrong as he feels I am not like normal girls. He also says that I have male traits like physical strength (I lift and move heavy furniture, Not scared of blood or scary movies like him ).
     
  9. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    I dont want to leave him. Just scared of starting over.
     
  10. star90new

    star90new Bronze IL'ite

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    My parents are not open enough to discuss these things and I am afraid that he might blame on me having previous relationship.
     

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