Requesting Opinions

@victory1
Almost Similar Situation- my husband is kinda being peer pressured and even his parents are hinting about the second child. I just finished with the whole child bearing thing and have been coming to terms with the new identity of being a new mother.
Although, I would like to have an other child. I gave 2 strong reasons- why we should wait
1. The attention for the first child will automatically decrease. (Both my husband and I were the older sibling, we have faced less attention from our parents when our siblings were born)
2. The household responsibility which comes with the second child is much harder. You will have to pitch in with household and your wife maybe tired after running around with kids all day.

I agree financially one has to be equipped to go through. But this is the reason I gave my husband to think about before we decide to have another child.

Hope this helps. Goodluck.

 

Ur wife is thinking with her heart and u wirh ur mind. now both u guys are correct at ur respective opinions. Kids can be very heavy financial commitment.

First thing is, is ur wife working?? If not u have tell her to start working.

Invest in something which wil have good returns in 2 to 3 years time.

Postpone having the kid by 2 to 3 years. Even ur wife is in the 30s doesn't matter. She can have kids.

Don't tell her that we will not have kids, tell her we will postpone it by few years.

 

Two factors u might want to factor in.Age (DWs and urs) and the age of ur first one. Sadly many times when the 'perfect time' comes along..it might be a tad too late .

 

This is very touchy subject. The answer may vary depends whom you are asking....
I am an empty-Nester for awhile...enjoying life after our son left home. Having one kid seems to be enough in my view.

I agree that money would be tight if we have to send the 2nd kid to an expensive school. We are comfortable in saving towards our retirement and spending money now, without counting the expanses.

 

Dear Op,

I have not been giving any suggestions but looking at ur post I couldn't stop.

Your wife is absolutely correct and u don't have any valid point to prove her wrong. Even if u force in future entire life u will blame urself for yr decision.

Just answer me u r talking abt financial security but how about the main breathing element for ur kid i.e love which will be missing.
Who will ur kid have after u and ur wife leave the world.
How will ur obe kid alonw take care of u and ur wife when u both are old.

My 2 best friends for 12 yrs are single kids and am asking u based on whst I saw with them. Her mom stays with her after dad died. She cried every day that will be an orphan if something happens to mom.

 

For each their own.. I respect yours and others decision on this sensitive matter. However, here goes my personal opinion.

Me and my H are the first born kids in our respective families. We have never felt we were kind of ignored or neglected after the arrival of our sibling. For both, our siblings matter the most. We have great bonding with our siblings, and feel fullfilled with them. Our siblings are our biggest strength and our best friends so far.
Even after their marriage, and kids our siblings remain the best supporters to us.
More importantly, they are the best uncles, and aunts to our kids... Our kids are showered by their extended relative's love; thus it feels our kids have a second home at their uncle's or aunt's place if at all something very bad happened to us (God bless us).
This is the feeling that stressed me, rather forced me to want a sibling to my son when he was 2. His sister was born when he was 2.9 yrs.
Now he is 5, and his sister is 2+. Both share a great bonding together and it reminds us all the childhood sweet times with our own siblings.
Personally I feel my son couldn't have any better gift than his sister. He would have felt so lonely and looked for a company elsewhere if she is not around. Specially when many of his friends have siblings.

Having a second kid is definitely expensive, a lot of work, etc..etc.. Just like having a kid into your newly wedded life. A kid, whether it is first or second would definitely change your equation. But it has positive sides too.
Depending on what you need, is the way to decide

 

OP,

Its up to everybody's own interest as it is a sensitive issue.... However, here are my two cents.

My husband was exactly saying the same, We should give all we earn to one kid, (We both are working). Our DD should be well settled in life. - this was his thought.

I persuaded him, with the below points.

• I have 3 brothers and my husband has 1. When we all will get together it will be a real fun. So somebody should be there for our DD too after us. DD cant share everything with us, she needs a sibling.
• Friends are not equal to siblings. Kids will always engage well with their age mates, not with parents always.
• Finance - yes, there will be an issue, but lets live a contented life. We decided, lets give them best in education(ofcourse, what kids like). But I am sure ,we will be able to give reasonable savings to them.

Finally my DH agreed, but since we have some primary issues, we postponed 2nd kid for 1 more year considering our age too. This decision was taken 2 years back.

 

Adding to stronglady, SGBV & deeprapriya, I, being a single child, have felt the pinch of being a loner. I miss my own siblings in spite of cousins. Financially my parents have given a secured future but I lack support for my emotional needs and at crucial time. My mother understood this when she was a grandparent and suggested me to have my second child at the right time. Of course we do face the financial crunches and physical exertion but learning to balance between both kids is for their mutual support in future.