Relocation Confusion

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Anusha2917, Dec 29, 2021.

  1. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you Swiss. :)
     
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Echoing what nemesis said above: Are you getting back into your career? Is that even a question.

    >> Regain my financial independence which I regret losing
    Make this your beacon when you feel like a ship making circles in the water. : ) What you have dealt with and conquered in the 3-4 years till the Mahatma's birth date two Octobers ago : ) takes a toll. That is easily one of the most challenging struggles a woman can have to face. You have drawn on your inner reserves like never before. Now, you have to replenish those. There is no way to do that except financial independence. No other way. The confidence, fortitude, resilience, hope, courage and faith in oneself that financial independence can bring is unreplaceable. You need that for yourself, for your marriage, your parents, your in-laws, and above all, above every other thing, so that you can be the role model you need to be, you have to be for your daughter. Without you having a job outside the home, your daughter will grow up seeing you in a perpetual mode of "need to get back to work" while your parents and in-laws come to rely on you more and more.

    Your taking up this job, or another one, is very important for all of you in the short term and in the long run.

    You have tried all you can to find a job in the same city. Not happening. So, you have to go to another city. That has to be done. So, do it. Make that the non-negotiable.

    ===========
    If things were slightly different - your husband had to take up a job in another city. It would not be such a big issue, would it? With your parents and in-laws nearby, and reliable paid help available, you would manage fine with two days go to work and rest work-from-home? So, why can't you go to the new city by yourself? Because daughter is too young? Husband cannot manage by himself? You don't trust anyone but yourself to be the primary in-charge of your daughter?

    Your tenacity is inspiring to read through your posts, Anusha. Best wishes for the getting back to career journey, be it by this job offer or another one.
     
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  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    Financial independence brings the best in & of you.
    You hire a live in maid, for child care and cooking, cleaning. Same time don't shoe her your too dependent on her.

    1. Don't depend on parents, in laws involving them will lead to lot of guilt, resentment and fights. They raised you their job done.
    They can be a backup when your live in maid takes off or not well.
    2. Find a small apt near to your work place like 10 min distance. Also a good day care/preschool near by in case you decide to put child later.
    3. Find a agency where nanny are there. I saw few in Chennai.
    4. Don't hesitate to move with child initially it's tough, exhausting but worth your career.
    Your child will respect you more once she learns your an independent woman.
    5. I'm sorry this may hurt you, in overseas I see ladies don't worry too much about child care, they hire nannies. We on the other hand put family first loosing ourselves forever. Don't do that mistake you will be angry with you.
    6. Go girl get your career on track, its worth spending some money on maid, travel, other expenses. Think long term. Child grows up faster. A happy mom only can raise happy child.
    I see many moms here always talking how much they miss career job. Go back to work we Root for you.
     
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  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you Rihana. Your words are like energy boosters which I keep reading again and again.
    While working out on options I have proposed this to my hubby. It'll save us a lot of money. But what his reaction was I'll post soon.. So held up right now.
     
  5. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you so much dear.
    Your words are so encouraging..
     
  6. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    It would be better to leave the baby with your husband, in laws n parents rather than leaving with a maid. Travelling with baby for more than 6 hours on weekends wont be an easy task for you both, better would be for you to travel alone. In such a scenario, you just have to rent a small room and can save more. Also by the time the baby is 3 years old and able to speak well u can put her in a day care next to your office and then continue as your original plans. On working days u would be able to see your baby for say 4 to 5 hours minimum(excluding sleeping time). Why deprive the baby the full time love of parents, in laws , husband if she can get it(provided they are ready to take responsibility). Moreover, you do plan to come back to your original city after some time right?
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    That's a really insightful response, @Vedhavalli.
    It so does. Even if the family doesn't need the second income.
    This can come as a surprise but it is there. The natural love and respect from the child to the mother is always there but the child respects the mother more when she learns that the mother is an independent woman.
    Just for this point I am hoping someone will nominate the post for FP before the month's thread is closed. : ) At any stage of life, working or not, women tend to make the mistake of putting family first and loosing themselves. It is so easy to fall into this beautiful self-made trap even before the kids are born and after they are out of the home.

    "Don't do that mistake you will be angry with you."
    I will be using this in one of the impromptu talks about life choices that I have started to spring on my daughter.
    So true.
     
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  8. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you Paru. Yes this was/is still an option. Like every other options there are advantages n disadvantages. We are weighing both n trying to take a decision which would be better : ) if not the best.
     

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