Echoing what nemesis said above: Are you getting back into your career? Is that even a question. >> Regain my financial independence which I regret losing Make this your beacon when you feel like a ship making circles in the water. : ) What you have dealt with and conquered in the 3-4 years till the Mahatma's birth date two Octobers ago : ) takes a toll. That is easily one of the most challenging struggles a woman can have to face. You have drawn on your inner reserves like never before. Now, you have to replenish those. There is no way to do that except financial independence. No other way. The confidence, fortitude, resilience, hope, courage and faith in oneself that financial independence can bring is unreplaceable. You need that for yourself, for your marriage, your parents, your in-laws, and above all, above every other thing, so that you can be the role model you need to be, you have to be for your daughter. Without you having a job outside the home, your daughter will grow up seeing you in a perpetual mode of "need to get back to work" while your parents and in-laws come to rely on you more and more. Your taking up this job, or another one, is very important for all of you in the short term and in the long run. You have tried all you can to find a job in the same city. Not happening. So, you have to go to another city. That has to be done. So, do it. Make that the non-negotiable. =========== If things were slightly different - your husband had to take up a job in another city. It would not be such a big issue, would it? With your parents and in-laws nearby, and reliable paid help available, you would manage fine with two days go to work and rest work-from-home? So, why can't you go to the new city by yourself? Because daughter is too young? Husband cannot manage by himself? You don't trust anyone but yourself to be the primary in-charge of your daughter? Your tenacity is inspiring to read through your posts, Anusha. Best wishes for the getting back to career journey, be it by this job offer or another one.
Financial independence brings the best in & of you. You hire a live in maid, for child care and cooking, cleaning. Same time don't shoe her your too dependent on her. 1. Don't depend on parents, in laws involving them will lead to lot of guilt, resentment and fights. They raised you their job done. They can be a backup when your live in maid takes off or not well. 2. Find a small apt near to your work place like 10 min distance. Also a good day care/preschool near by in case you decide to put child later. 3. Find a agency where nanny are there. I saw few in Chennai. 4. Don't hesitate to move with child initially it's tough, exhausting but worth your career. Your child will respect you more once she learns your an independent woman. 5. I'm sorry this may hurt you, in overseas I see ladies don't worry too much about child care, they hire nannies. We on the other hand put family first loosing ourselves forever. Don't do that mistake you will be angry with you. 6. Go girl get your career on track, its worth spending some money on maid, travel, other expenses. Think long term. Child grows up faster. A happy mom only can raise happy child. I see many moms here always talking how much they miss career job. Go back to work we Root for you.
Thank you Rihana. Your words are like energy boosters which I keep reading again and again. While working out on options I have proposed this to my hubby. It'll save us a lot of money. But what his reaction was I'll post soon.. So held up right now.
It would be better to leave the baby with your husband, in laws n parents rather than leaving with a maid. Travelling with baby for more than 6 hours on weekends wont be an easy task for you both, better would be for you to travel alone. In such a scenario, you just have to rent a small room and can save more. Also by the time the baby is 3 years old and able to speak well u can put her in a day care next to your office and then continue as your original plans. On working days u would be able to see your baby for say 4 to 5 hours minimum(excluding sleeping time). Why deprive the baby the full time love of parents, in laws , husband if she can get it(provided they are ready to take responsibility). Moreover, you do plan to come back to your original city after some time right?
That's a really insightful response, @Vedhavalli. It so does. Even if the family doesn't need the second income. This can come as a surprise but it is there. The natural love and respect from the child to the mother is always there but the child respects the mother more when she learns that the mother is an independent woman. Just for this point I am hoping someone will nominate the post for FP before the month's thread is closed. : ) At any stage of life, working or not, women tend to make the mistake of putting family first and loosing themselves. It is so easy to fall into this beautiful self-made trap even before the kids are born and after they are out of the home. "Don't do that mistake you will be angry with you." I will be using this in one of the impromptu talks about life choices that I have started to spring on my daughter. So true.
Thank you Paru. Yes this was/is still an option. Like every other options there are advantages n disadvantages. We are weighing both n trying to take a decision which would be better : ) if not the best.
A small update on this and a new confusion : I did accept the offer and decided to move to new city along with maid n parents. Thanks to Omicron. I didn't have to make a permanent move now. I had to go for a week n come back to work from home until further notice. Until September last year I was in touch with my previous manager and at least 4 times last year I had spoken to her about me looking to join back the organization I left in 2019. The last conversation in Sept didn't go pretty well with her discouraging statements and I decided then I'm not approaching her anytime again. I too decided to pursue opportunities outside. I signed the offer letter in the new firm at a new city. I was in touch with one more team mate in previous organization and had mentioned how I'm excited for this new opportunity. Looks like he mentioned about it to her and immediately within a day she called back and told why she wasn't positive back in September. She herself was looking out for new opportunity and was in process of moving to a new firm and she had me in mind when she was to set up a new team at the new organization she would be joining in feb. I mentioned to her that I'm so happy she reached out, however I'm pursuing another opportunity. She mentioned about how it would be difficult to move with baby to new city etc and how she should have helped me with sabbatical and all that Or even in September she should have given me a hint about her willingness to take me back. The need of hour for me is flexibility and work from home and mentioned she is pushing my CV in my old organization since she will still be part of that organization until Jan end and the organization is planning work from home for few more months. She even told me pursue new job in as this may take time and I can always come back moment something works out at my old organization or if something comes up at the new firm she is to join. But looks like every thing moved pretty quick and I was interviewed yesterday at my old firm and they are ready to give me an offer soon. My joining at new firm in an other city was on 24th Jan. Because my husband and baby were Covid + joining got pushed to 7th Feb . Now I had an interview at previous organization just yesterday and it went well and they are happy to have me back, but what they are offering is still I don't know . I need to wait until next Friday max to see the offer letter . Orally they have told I am in and they will try to match my salary what I have an offer now. Any day there are advantages for me to take a role in current city . But there are a few disadvantages in that previous team: 1) The work pressure is a lot to work on a project for the US team .Literally they squeeze our energy with late evening calls. I have been informed in the interview nothing has changed since I left and in fact the work load is even more to handle . At the new organization I will be handing a Qatar project . I was hoping new region for me to explore and work pressure is not as much as it was in the previous team(just my assumption). 2) The sector is different at the new firm which I always wanted to work on . Missing out on that opportunity I may regret in future . I am so confused what I should decide now 1)Whether to go ahead and join the organization at new city(Once I join I have a 1month notice to leave) 2)Take more time from them and delay the joining a bit and wait for offer letter from previous firm where I was interviewed on friday. This needs me to push the joining again which I don't know how they will take it and whether they will accommodate that request? 3)or just go with a gut feeling of getting new offer letter hoping they will match the salary I have asked for and send email to organization in new city stating I am not joining there. Current scenario what I was supposed to do (Before I was interviewed on Friday): After hubby and baby were Covid + in new city I decided to leave baby back in current city with my mom so we travelled to my home from new city after our quarantine finished , and just for a week go to new city , join and come back to work from home . For that I need to travel tomorrow again to new city . Confused to arrive at a decision .
