Relocation Confusion

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Anusha2917, Dec 29, 2021.

  1. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    2,504
    Likes Received:
    6,916
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm a non IT engineer and paused my career in 2019 to concentrate on family goals.
    Been trying to get back to job from past 1 year. Not very successful, one reason is I stay in a city which has lot of IT companies. Unfortunately mine is a core field and there are only a handful firms for me to try and give interviews.
    In these handful firms either my CV isn't moving forward or I am not able to crack the interview because of discipline mismatch and start my career again. Have tried everything to get back to my old firm. Again not very successful in that because of so many politics.
    Anyways after this I started exploring options in cities which are good for my field. Now I have an offer with 30 percent hike( yeah that's the max they are offering with 2+ years career break) in a city which is 6hr drive from current city. My husband has a job in current city and can no ways leave that and come as now we are completely dependent on his salary and he is the primary earning member of the family.
    IF I GO I NEED TO DO THE FOLLOWING:
    Option 1 :
    Shift there along with my 15m old leaving my husband n in laws behind in current city . But to do this I need complete help of my parents . So totally from scratch I need to set up a house there, take complete care of all our expenses . We will not be saving much given the expenses involved BUT WE WILL HAVE SAVINGS as compared to no savings at all now.
    Now there's a catch here. My parents are at times unreliable and they want to enjoy their retired life and keep planning small tours every now and then. For eg : They are planning their 5th tour for the month of December . They already went on 4 and 5th one is lined up for this weekend. Delta or Omicron nothing matters:nomouth::nomouth: their tour has to happen.
    It's not that I was totally unemployed . I did take up a course in April this year and started working part time on that from August. From September their tours started. We kept managing by me not working when they were not around. Having a full time nanny was so out of question for us given that Financially it was very difficult. My mother is ready to come with me and stay in new city and she does promise to cut down on tours but she is somebody who cannot keep up her words. My dad starts planning and she will just forget what she promised and carry on with their tours. This would put me in such a tough situation working full time (no work from home option) and managing a toddler who is yet to be put in any day care or anything.

    Option 2:
    My old maid/cook who was helping me in my old house is ready to relocate with me leaving her husband behind who works as a security guard. This one has apparently lost all her jobs due to Covid and is back from her village and told me if I can pay her well she is ready to relocate and stay full time with me and do all the chores and look after the lil one full day. Taking her along I will be paying her more but to some extent rent will come down as just me her and baby dont need a bigger house as compared to taking my aged parents who will require a bigger and comfortable accommodation.

    My husband's option :

    Take the maid with me, keep my mother's help as a bonus. :grinning: I know about my parents. They will plan more tours in this case reasons being :
    1) I have a full time help and their help is only a bonus.
    2) I take care of all the expenses and what ever retirement income they get is completely reserved for more n more tours. ( they never think of saving and want to live the life to fullest). This option seems more viable but i should pay higher rent as well as good salary for maid.

    By taking up this job I can

    1) Fill my career gap
    2) Regain my financial independence which I regret losing
    3) Start some savings as whatever my husband gets is cut to cut for home loan n other expenses and we have put all other term insurance and few other retirement plan on hold. My salary will definitely help.
    4) I'm thinking this as a temporary option(2 years and want to come back before we start school for the lil one) and will come back to current city provided I get decent offer and a good role to take up. The gap currently is creating a bit of an issue.

    Some challenges:
    1) setting up new home, adjusting to new city which I'm fine but my dad is a bit fussy given the climate etc.
    2) We cannot completely vacate my parents house in current city . And we'll have to anyway pay maintenance to that house whether we keep it locked or stay there. So ideally me and husband will be managing 3 houses with 2 salaries.
    3) husband will have to do frequent trips between the two cities as he has to go to office for 2 days in a week. Rest of the time he can come to new city. I'm not sure how my in laws will manage If my husband is not around when he comes to new city for a week stay. They do need company and are not comfortable staying alone by themselves. If need arises I will have to shuttle Between two cities .
    4) Hard for my dad to stay put in new city. I'm sure he's gonna keep going to n fro between the two cities.

    Accounting all this expenditure we will still save something and i will be starting my career again with a good firm. Two main points I'm looking at after all thr challenges

    Still Confused to accept the offer and move ahead. I should fill all details and send them in the next two days.
    Am I missing something? Will it be a good decision to move.?
    Very confused and feel guilty to hold my parents at one place for my career . It's not that they won't plan n go on their trip . They will definitely go . But I want to be prepared to handle it.
     
    Loading...

  2. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    515
    Likes Received:
    883
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Anusha,
    I have logged in after a really long while and looked at this thread ... and first of all ... many many congratulations for your lil one :)

    I would like to just put in some pointers for you here towards you resolving your dilemma
    1. It seems from the thread that you have evaluated your situation w.r.t resuming work very deeply . Thus, to me it seems that you are wanting to and ready to wade back in to the working world.
    2. Thus, I would say that you should think of accepting this offer if you are positively moved by it.
    3. obviously with the above, comes the very tough part of sorting your baby care requirements, as this is most crucial for you at this stage ( and even till much later )
    4. Given , the support options you have listed and noting that location change is a necessity in this scenario for you, the most sane option seems to be taking your maid along. It obviously goes without saying that if you have put this option , you are sure of her support and trust her with child and commitment for going through this with you.
    5. assuming the above is taken care of, You should keep your parents as your back up option , i.e. relying on them only in case when maid is unable to be with you on occasion This way , your parents would also not feel really inconvenienced and g o through with their routines whilst you feel comfortable with their support in cases of dire needs.
    6. Given , that I have been a working mother for more than 10 years, the most crucial part in this working mom life planning is the domestic help after obviously my parents who took care of my child in early years ( for which i chose to shift in the area near to their home to make this arrangement work).
    7. In your situation, there could be added pressure of commuting back and forth to your own home as you have mentioned about issues of travelling for your husband with his parents around. This could be tricky ( in the sense of travelling with a toddler all the time) but perhaps work for you as your help could also get to meet her family at frequent intervals
    8. However, apart from the above practical issues, the pandemic situation and its impact on your travel also needs to be looked into as that could also be another source of altering plans at times.
    9. Further, there is also the emotional angle at times that you may feel with such a young child if he/she were to fall ill or so, and should be prepared for dealing with such emergencies too if in case there is no immediate family support. But it's really a very speculative situation and comes with the territory for all working moms , so don't dwell too much on it.

    Wish you all the best for whatever your decision is and hope a happy and healthy new year for you all.
    Take care
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  3. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,317
    Likes Received:
    4,538
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Anusha,
    I can empathize with you truly, as I know how difficult it is to handle the toddler and work at a time with or without reliable help.

    The kind of confusion you have now is something I can relate and understand, truly.

    I wont be able to give you a clear idea or solution or pointers, but I could say its going to be very very difficult in the new city with either option. It is going to be super stressful (not to scare you but that would be reality) with either option though your career breakthrough is understandable and important.

    Also, consider if you would be required to do trips between the two cities at short notice for any health issues of In-laws or any family events or for your sibling(s). Have you considered if the maid (live-in) requires to go her family on any short notice?

    Is there any provision in the potential firm for flexible hours or work-from home on any rare occasions (so to cater for short notice unavailability of people to handle the toddler.)

    And, I hope you enquired/some info regarding rental properties in and around the office, also reliable pediatrician near-by in case of emergencies.

    Have you thought of continuing the present part time role and exploring other ways, and possibilities of making it into full-time or some freelancing or working with multiple (two or more, if you can allot time) for project management consultancies or design consultancies, even if small scale which can add to your profile and work experience.

    Sorry, not able to actually address your confusion. But added what I can immediately think of.

    all the best
     
    Anusha2917 and Afresh like this.
  4. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,488
    Likes Received:
    2,516
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Male
    The only question (is it really a question?) is whether you are getting back into your career.

    Everything else is peripheral: the maid, parents, drama, guilt, etc.
     
    Rihana and Anusha2917 like this.
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,634
    Likes Received:
    6,212
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    If you decide to move I would make your arrangements so that your parents are only the backup option.
    As you say they have their own lives and it is not fair to them to expect them to provide full-time care. It will lead to resentment.
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  6. swiss

    swiss Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    241
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello,

    congratulations on the baby and new job.

    if your maid is trustworthy, just take the maid and go. You will be fine. Since your husband has to work only 2 days a week at office, he will be able to support you if you need. Take one day at a time and take it easy.

    I don't think its fair to tie down old parents. Its their time to enjoy their life.

    Good luck
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  7. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    2,504
    Likes Received:
    6,916
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Afresh. Thank you so much for your wishes and sharing your wonderful pointers. They are super helpful. So glad to see you back in IL. :)
     
    Afresh likes this.
  8. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    2,504
    Likes Received:
    6,916
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for your valuable inputs. Really appreciate them. I did not think about the paediatrician part. So glad you mentioned that. I was definitely overlooking that point. I'm making a note of it while finalizing the house there..
     
  9. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    2,504
    Likes Received:
    6,916
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you. : )
     
  10. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    2,504
    Likes Received:
    6,916
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you Malstorm. Yes you are true. Half of my daily problems arise because I take my mom for granted and she commits to me and we end up with arguments as she cannot hold on to the commitment. True it's leading to resentment. I should definitely not depend 100% on them.
     

Share This Page