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Top 25 P.G. Wodehouse Quotes

1. “It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”

(from The Man Upstairs and Other Stories)

Wodehouse Quotes

2. “I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.”

(from The Code of the Woosters)

3. “There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, ‘Do trousers matter?'”
“The mood will pass, sir.”

(from The Code of the Woosters)

4. “Well, there it is. That’s Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same.”

(from Joy in the Morning)

5. “I’m not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare who says that it’s always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.”

(from the short story Jeeves and the Unbidden Guest)

Wodehouse Quote

6. “A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.”

(from The Man Upstairs)

Wodehouse Tea Quote

7. “I expect I shall feel better after tea.”

(from Carry on, Jeeves)

8. “Then he rose and began to pace the room in an overwrought sort of way, like a zoo lion who has heard the dinner-gong go and is hoping the keeper won’t forget him in the general distribution.”

(from Right Ho, Jeeves)

9. “It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar to that of a man who drops a rose petal down the Grand Canyon of Arizona and listens for the echo.”

(from Cocktail Time)

10. “It isn’t often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb trees and pull them up after them.”

(from Right Ho, Jeeves)

11. “There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action.”

(from Joy in the Morning)

12. “It was a nasty look. It made me feel as if I were something the dog had brought in and intended to bury later on, when he had time.”

(from My Man Jeeves)

13. “Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.”

(from Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit)

14. “An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.”

(from Carry on, Jeeves)

15. “Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French.”

(from The Luck of the Bodkins)

Wodehouse Quote

16. “You’re one of those guys who can make a party just by leaving it. It’s a great gift.”

(from The Girl in Blue)

17. “Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled, sozzled, and blotto.”

(from Meet Mr. Mulliner)

18. “While they were content to peck cautiously at the ball, he never spared himself in his efforts to do it a violent injury.”

(from The Heart of a Goof)

19. “I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.”

(from Joy in the Morning)

20. “When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff.”

(from Joy in the Morning)

21. “I don’t suppose she would recognize a deep, beautiful thought if you handed it to her on a skewer with tartare sauce.”

(from The Code of the Woosters)

22. “For an author Jerry Vail was rather nice-looking, most authors, as is widely known, resembling in appearance the more degraded types of fish, unless they look like birds, when they could pass as vultures and no questions asked.”

(from Pigs Have Wings)

23. “It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn’t.”

(from Ring for Jeeves)

24. “It just showed once again that half the world doesn’t know how the other three quarters live.”

(from Much Obliged, Jeeves)

25. “As Shakespeare says, if you’re going to do a thing you might as well pop right at it and get it over.”

(from Very Good, Jeeves!)

 

I have personally come across hundreds of his jokes greater than these. Who can forget Gussie's drunken show in the School?