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Relative's Kid And My Child

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Vedhavalli, Apr 10, 2021.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    My child age 6.5 is well behaved except for meal times. Does her homework, cleans up after herself, sets alarm in Alexa for her classes to start with.
    During Easter weekend, my cousin's family visited with their 3 yr old.
    My child shared her toys, bed, bike, books everything since she missed her play dates with friends due to covid. She was much excited and happy. On the other hand the 3yr old omg he played with her only when he didn't have anything else to do, that for 5-10 min, completely mean to my child. Didn't let touch any thing he owned be it water bottle or a crayon.
    But would grab all the things of my child, threw things, spilled water, milk, juice etc. His mom acted as if nothing happened when her son would be screaming ...
    I got noise complaints from neighbors

    Few things got out of hand, my child thought he is being mean. Openly said he is mean. Now my cousin sister said he is like that strong willed/ head strong. Only plays when he needs, other than that he will mind his own, in a rather rude tone.
    They completely ignored though small child of 3, still they need to discipline him.

    Seeing him now this entire week my kid saying "see how other kids are" thier moms don't scold or discipline them whereas I discipline her.
    It's really bothering me.
    Just a vent. Why some people don't discipline thier kids outside thier home? And think thier kids are, well behaved? Only other's kid is spoiled. Contrary it's the opposite.
     
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  2. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    I know that this is just a vent. But you can sure reply to your little girl that all parents deal with their kids as they deem fit. Well-being of children is almost always at their heart. The kids are different individuals, age wise and temperament wise and approach also might differ accordingly. It is better that we don't be judgemental.
     
    Angela123 likes this.
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    3 years is a difficult age, and the age gap with a 6-year old child can be large for them to play meaningfully. That said, different people have different parenting philosophies and it may be that this child is very indulged. The parents should have stepped in if the kid was throwing things though.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  4. Ramudada

    Ramudada Bronze IL'ite

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    There is also a lot of difference between girls and boys. My elder daughter was so well-behaved and nice at 3 years but my son felt like the devil incarnate himself. We had to make him understand whats right and wrong and he got a lot of time-outs too.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Completely agree with you.

    My co sister is like that.She will never reprimand her child.

    What I do is..my child is in my control.I ask her to stand up for herself,make her deal things herself as much as she can.Plus I feel next time I am going to respectfully tell my co sister to deal with her child or limit interaction.That is all we can do.

    Practicing emotional detachment makes us easier to stand up to people.I am practicing that.

    Another thing..the child is only 3..but the parent should definitely discipline.

    You can try to lessen the interaction for your mental peace as of now.
     
  6. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    I think it is temperament of each kid and parents being in someone's house and their mind too busy in talk they loose control on what kid is doing.
    Then Boys are always little rough and girls are softer. In your case, age difference is big. She goes to school and ofcourse gentle. That 3 yr old boy must be at home specially in covid, all kids are being brought up like this.
    It is affecting their mental growth and i heard from many parents, that kids have become rude, screamy include my 6.5 yr herself .

    I used to fuss how parents do not control their kids jumping on dining tables like monkeys or kitchen counters But i understand each kid has some issue or another including mine.

    PreCovid- Also i have seen parents or mothers not watching their kids breaking or color walls of someone house or spilling something, and now i think it is forgivable and it was like one time thing they came and went.

    All parents and kids are different. What is acceptable in kids own house, they think it is also in guests house.

    Having playdates never run smoothly, no matter it is friends kid, or family , own county/culture. There will aloways be personality mismatch and all this is learning for kids. When they go to school, they will need to deal with all sort of kids. How will it affect their minds, its training.
     
    Ramudada likes this.
  7. Flyhigher

    Flyhigher Silver IL'ite

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    After watching an incident at a friends place I learned few things from one of my friends about how to handle these kinds of things.

    I don't know how it works if you have a kid.
    It's my house my rules. So they have to respect it. Whether it is a family or friends it's the same rule.

    My husband and I always play a good cop-bad cop roles. So that makes it easy to handle the situation.

    Every time when the child enters our door I will mention the house rules loud and clearly so that even the parent can hear
    • what behavior is expected like once after playing you have to put back the toys wherever it was, you are allowed to eat only in the dining area, not throwing things around the house
    • clearly mention what area of home and yard are allowed to play and what is off-limit
    • safety instructions
    If the child is not behaving I have directly approached the parent and asked them to stop the child doing that because its not safe, someone will get hurt or something like that.
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  8. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Imo parents should discipline the kids at others house.
    I didn't want to post he created so much damage to walls, floors and loud parents enjoyed it saying he never gets to do these as they live Apts. They control the kid at their place. Not outside.

    @Flyhigher if it's friends or my kid's friends I have no issue in talking to parents. Though relative I told my cousin to be watchful and tell him not to jump, once he hit my daughter with a toy hard. He didn't apologize nor his parents they said kid's fight. Then I told her better be mindful it's sharp my daughters eyes would have gone. They sulked and left. Without a name sake sorry .
     
    Flyhigher likes this.
  9. Flyhigher

    Flyhigher Silver IL'ite

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    This is just my perception. Parent of a child who hits and who expects the kids to work it out usually don’t understand the seriousness of the problem or are at a loss to work it out. Either way, it is their responsibility to take effective action to prevent their child from hit other kids.

    From next time if like this happens try saying let’s get together without the kids until we work out a method to prevent the hitting. Hopefully, we can find a way to prevent that from happening so that our kids can play together again.
     

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