Relationship of our partner with other person.

Assuming this is not a 'weekend' thread, let me share with you what the Peruvian novelist and 2010 Nobel laureate Maria Vargas Llosa had to say about libertine sex. The following paragraphs appear in his review of a book by the exuberantly promiscuous Parisian art critic and editor Catherine Millet. The full review, translated from the Spanish, may be found here. The book itself is almost clinical, neither prurient nor lurid. It is a peek, from the margins, into the variety of human motivation and experience ("The Sexual Life of Catherine M" (2002)).

This book confirms what all of sexual literature has shown ad nauseum: that sex, separate from the other activities and functions that constitute our existence, is extremely monotone, so limited in horizon that it ends up dehumanizing. A life polarized by sex alone reduces the function to a basic organic activity, no more noble or pleasurable than swallowing or defecating. Only when civilized by culture, burdened with emotion and passion and clothed with ceremony and ritual does sex really enrich human life, and only then do its positive aspects mediate the ups and downs of everyday existence. As George Bataille explained, for this sublimation to occur, it is essential that we preserve certain taboos and rules which both enliven and retard sex, such that physical love can be experienced--enjoyed--as a transgression. Unrestrained liberty and the renunciation of all theatricality and formalism in its practice, which has been presented as a conquest in certain enclaves of the Western world, have not contributed to enriching the pleasure and happiness of human beings thanks to sex. It has instead made it boring and blind, converting physical love into mere gymnastics and routine.This is one of the most fertile and mysterious sources of the human phenomenon.

Apart from this, it helps not to forget that the sexual liberty displayed with such eloquence in the work of Millet is still the privilege of few. At the same time I was reading her book, I read in the Parisian press of the stoning of an Iranian woman whom a tribunal of fanatic imams had found guilty of appearing in pornographic films. We should clarify that "pornography" in a fundamentalist Islamic theocracy consists of a woman showing her hair. The woman, in accordance with Koranic law, was buried alive in a public square up to her breasts and stoned to death.

 

@swt.charu, Are you talking about Mixed Doubles movie???? oh God...may be you are right, never know now a days people are getting weird ideas....

 

op hows your marriage otherwise?How long have you been married?Are you earning yourself?

 

OP there is so much to decide here.

Your husband is not making a funny joke here. That too after knowing his wife's disturbances and tears, no man would repeat such a thing.

He is rather seeking your approval by many other means. That's why he cites the movie example, other women etc...

So, he is likely to indulge in such an act or have committed once or many times before.

Having said this.... For the sake of argument, tell him you are all fine about this. Because, you are also seeking such kind of a pleasure out of your married life.
Many men will think their wive's are just making a joke. Give him some examples like going for a body spa at so and so's place where men would do the spa for women.
Repeat the same without any facial reactions, and say many men were ok with this.

Carefully watch your husband's reactions. If he is cool, and not believing what you say, then act hard to make him believe.
If he is reacting hard with anger, and jealousy then tell him this is how you feel.
If he suppresses his feelings but act as if nothing has happened, then it means you have caught him red handed.

Move on from there... The ones who have committed such a thing would find it hard to criticize others who does it.

For any case, get your finances straight. Find a job if you are not working. Get your self STD/HIV tested.
Ensure a better social circle for you and your children. Perhaps your parents, siblings etc... while you are still in this relationship.

Once you have become so strong with a job, social support etc..etc... decide whether you still need this man?

 

shivi0189,
I know it hurts us very badly but men being men they do this. Also it depends on you DH nature too. Is he flirting type or just air talk.
My DH does that too some time, but I know its all air talk to tease me but when it come to reality he won't even look at other women.
Initially i was hurt too, but i started giving back. I would say "Sure go ahead i have no problem, but be ready for the consequences after that never com back to me." I just leave from there with out any further argument. He got the message and would never say that.

 

So if this has happened multiple times, and he doesnt get it, that means you havent expressed it clear and loud enough that you wont even stand hearing such bull$*!!
You have to be clear that you dont think it is funny and you find it sick!
And tell him even entertaining such thoughts lowers your respect and love for him!
Relationships are about commitment at all levels.. mentally, physically and emotionally.

 

OP please follow @SGBV suggestions . If you did not have kids please don´t plan for kids until you nail down him.

You should also make him undergo STD tests to express your seriousness. So far he does not seem to have taken your reaction serious.


Job is must for you to build self confidence and to stand on your feet.

 

Just ask him to fantasize you are that random woman with whom he has a one night stand! Do some role playing. And you act your part with all sincerity. choose an appropriate place and time. It's some wild fantasy he wants to fulfill. Never condemn him but seek a solution without confrontation.

 

I somehow feel your hubby has already got involved in such acts and wants to know how you would feel incase you get to know later
thats why he is repeatedly doing the so called teasing inspite of your cries

Just like many here,I too feel a husband would not keep teasing his wife on some issue in which the wife feels extremely bad

keep a check on your husband

and I really really wish you all the best!!!

 

Once you made clear about your disapproval of such move, if he repeating it than may be he trying that at some point of time you may grant him the wish. I really don't understand "one night stand" Without emotion love it must be mechanised type of sex mean act minus love.