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Relationship Hijack And Banter - 3

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Nov 20, 2019.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I repeat .. what have you done with the anika who used to post here 1.5 to 2 yrs ago? And is that potion available for sale OTC?
     
    anika987, Laks09 and chanchitra like this.
  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Ha ha…thanks Rihanna:)

    I simply wanted to be happy and change.The only way to do it is self introspect and work on my flaws instead of blaming others.A small step everyday ,feeling gratitude ,seeing our positives, making some effort to change,being more kinder to ourself goes a long way I feel.
     
  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    @Anisu
    @messedup

    thanks for awarding a LIKE here. Context you must hv found out. Ref #482.
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2022
    messedup likes this.
  5. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Ghar ghar ki kahani hai. :unamused:
    .
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations, Ashima. Good you are going to have a second baby. You are one cool gal with so many great qualities that it would have been impossible for one child to inherit all of them.:kissingheart:

    Best wishes for an easy pregnancy and on-time delivery. Congrats to mr. ashima and the going-to-be big-sister too.

    God Bless. I felt so happy to read this news. Thoda delay in the wishes as I was not sure which thread to post in.
     
    Amica, Anusha2917 and Thyagarajan like this.
  7. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Like many ILites, I always asked myself why Indian women in USA stay in an unhappy marriage. But, my impression changed after I interacted with a few who have gone for grey divorce. I belive they would have left their marriage if this 50-50 custody was not in place or if they have got full custody of kids. They didnt want their kids to be raised by a step mother- another reason to stay as there was no physical abuse. But they mentioned that it would have been better if they could leave their marriages earlier itself. If one stay, they wont get a chance to experience other best options for them.
    It needs immense courage and conviction to come out of it as many Indian women with kids are bound by the way they are raised, their beliefs like they will be labelled as a failure, a wish to hold their family forever even by compromising their self respect, than peer/ social interference. Also, financial dependence( some men hide their wealth too, so they wont get much evenif its 50-50), even if independent they end up giving money to ex if they earn more. When they stay for long in an emotional abusive marriage; codependency & trauma bonding kicks in. In a long marriage ( loveless, if there is any love or respect there wont be any abuse evenif it's emotional )dependency, bitterness / numbness etc make them someone , they dint recignize and they lack the enery to even escape.

    Unless they realise that they are loosing themselves or start loving themselves or live their life better, it will be very damaging to them with health issues on the way (most likely). So, the choice to leave or stay can be equally challenging. The reasons like adultry, abuse or addiction ( AAA) can be very convuncing to leave, but in case of emotional abuse, not easy. If the spouse is very controlling or dominating, it will be suffocative to live with them. As many marriages are soon followed by pregnacy within a few years, without proper family or other support its not easy to leave. If there is no kids, its better to leave as soon as one can if they have a narcistic spouse.

    The mistake they make most of the time is their inability to accept that their marriage is not working and to consider it just part of your life. Their self doubt and low self esteem resulting from abuse, reduce their ability to think in a healthy way. The practical way, I guess is to accept the situation, gain strength and confidence my taking care of themselves, seek professional help if needed and plan what to do next. If they decide to stay for whatever reason( only if there is no AAA)make it better by controlling their response, lower their expectations, avoiding fights especially in front of kids, learning to set boundaries by being assertive and educating themselves to manage the situation better, thereby creating a peaceful environment in their home. Just consider, marriage is just a part( eg: 20%, everyone have one issue or another) and emotionally detach, make the rest (80%, kids, career, family, friends, hobbies or other interests ) better. But I strongly believe kids deserve a happy home or two happy homes than a toxic environment. But its too complex to realize how human life is controlled by situations or environment evenif its not their fault. Need courage to raise above it and believe one deserve better and go for it. Anyway, its all personal choice which depends on tolerance levels, and their unique situations.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2022
  8. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    I read the title of this post, and thought "Me, too!" Except I'm not thinking of eating the food, but about cooking. As soon as I wake up in the morning, even before my feet hit the ground, my mind is planning the day's menu. :facepalm:
    .
     
    sandhya2020, messedup and Anisu like this.
  9. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Too bad IL does not allow change of member name. I would have liked to change mine to "Regressive". ishq ho gaya hai us label se. Fallen in love with the label.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2022

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