1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Regret Marrying My Husband Due To His Family And Other Problems?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Patientone, Aug 18, 2020.

  1. Patientone

    Patientone Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    37
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Does anyone else feel the same? I don’t know why I feel this way. We’ve had a lot of problems and it’s nearly been 5 years. There’s been a change in him this year and now I’m pregnant with my second child. But just today I’ve felt a lot of guilt marrying him because of everything I’ve been through with him, his parents, his siblings. Everybody tried to cause problems as soon as I married him. He’s not perfect but he’s changing. I just feel like the proposal I turned down before him, the guy might have looked after me better, his family may have respected me more and I wouldn’t have all the stress and problems I’ve been through. My relationship has been a nightmare. I just want to stop feeling this way and I don’t know why I feel so. He’s lately been good to me. But just today I’ve been dreaming like what it would have been like with that other guy. I never see the other guy or know anything about him. But I feel guilt for rejecting him because he was a year younger. My MIL always keeps us up to date about the other guy and what’s going on in his life. I’m not sure if she does it on purpose.
     
    Loading...

  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,622
    Likes Received:
    4,498
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Your MIL’s behavior is bizarre to say the least.
     
  3. SRMB

    SRMB Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Maybe I'm wrong (I'm unmarried), but almost everyone I've met including vedic pundits have told me that your spouse is predestined / based on your karma. So you marrying your husband was inevitable, that is how life works. You just have to be strong, believe in God and work out your karma.
     
  4. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    384
    Likes Received:
    277
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    I feel the same way you feel dear,don't worry!!!!...Most of the time , I also think why did I choose this guy, why did I nod my head in that temple?.Why I didn't ask a day time to think about it with my dad?... All these running in my mind...

    But you know,we need to make up our mind...I did...We can't change a person who is not willing to change...These guys will never change when they are pure mumma boys.....Their love towards their parent s closing their eyes....But here, they have to get matured, not us....They have to change and care for us,they should understand us....I can't go for understanding me after 10 years of marriage....We can't run behind them to make them understand, make them care,make them feel for us....It should come on their own....

    I would say, just Ignore all of them....don't talk about your MIL to your hubby....Fight only when the fight comes to you and only when it is needed, you don't go behind it which will unnecessarily waste your energy....Ignore other circumstances and live happily with 2 kids....

    One thing OP, they are doing mistake, it is better for them to change, if not don't regret for it...We can't count ourselves for others mistakes.

    Be happy....
     
  5. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    384
    Likes Received:
    277
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Also next time when your MIL praises that other guy who came as a marriage proposal to you, tell her his wife is lucky to have him....
     
  6. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    74
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    what you are feeling is totally normal when you are going through stressful times with husband and family . But then what is gone is gone .You dnt know what would have happened with the other guy you rejected . Most of the Indian men and their families have interference issues in some aspect . There is no point thinking about any of it and confusing yourself.

    Instead focus on present and future : if you are unhappy today , what can you do to make you happy .Put your entire focus on yourself and Kids .Since husband is in team with inlaws and changes his course , do not include him . my experience of 14 years have suggested me to stop expecting and stop doing it for them .It took me a good 1 year to get to this level and I still struggle but i keep reminding that my focus is to keep me happy and kids happy . I stopped doing a lot for inlaws and even husband .I started treating husband the same way he treats me . just an example, if he does not call my family i dnt call his anymore .Earlier i was trying to be the good dil and wife and would pick up the phone and call everyone. this is just an example. So you do whatever is required and leave the rest and put your happiness, comfort at top of anything else. he has no right to expect more from you than what he or his parents do for you .
    2nd become smart with MIL. it seems like she will taunt you whenever you can and you get hurt . Try to resolve the taunt right then and there . When she says something, reply immediately because at that time none can blame you . it will take time but you will get better at this as well . you know what she says and how she thinks so prepare your mind with some answers and things in advance .

    most importantly something that no one told me before and I wish someone did : dnt say anything to husband about inlaws. When you stop telling him things , he has no reason to blame you .Right now he will gang up with inlaws because he think you are against them . I'm not saying that he is right and it does HURT it still hurts me that how he cannot see his parents in any emotional pain and for me its ok . but he will not do much for you .So stop saying from your mouth but do things in actions
     
    shreepriya likes this.
  7. Rose03

    Rose03 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    13
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    I have the same feeling too , infact told my husband many a times that I should have married the other guys whom I turned it down , my life would have much better .
     
  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,871
    Likes Received:
    6,146
    Trophy Points:
    455
    Gender:
    Male
    :hello:Distance lend enchantment to the view.

    2. A friend of mine was cursing himself for not having married the first girl he had seen who was not a graduate but well versed in classical music. But after two decades, he happened too see that girl now turned widow and shuddered. Yes. You guessed right. He felt he would have been no more had she married him!
    3. This is reciprocal anecdote in real life. But they say God has a purpose with every one!
     

Share This Page