Regd my marriage to a man belonging to different caste.....

Zen I applaud you. there is nothing more to say after what you have said. Specially the part where decision and the responsibility of the decision falls at the door of the OP. No matter what she decides.

OP, All I can say is All the Best. Choose a path and be ready for the consequences whether good or bad. Have faith and May God bless you with courage.

Wishing you all the happiness in life.

-Soulful

 

This is Divya the OP. Had some problem logging in so created another account with slight variation in name. Thanks to all who shared their view and advised me.

 

May or May not happen. Confusing you further is not the intenson. Just telling upfront so you will talk abotu it between urselves how you will deal with it when time comes or such thigns arise.

1) Diff caste, diff food habits: Thisng will be fine till its you both. But with kids....each of you may want your kids to have your food habits thinking its good for them. veg-nonveg fight begins. It becomes tought hen. Address this.

2) Diff caste, could be slightly diff or totally diff language: Again fine till its you and him. After kids...my lang ..ur lang fight maybeign. Address this. I feel whoever stays more time with kids shd teach them both langs...if its a stress to kids..then fine..one can give up.

3) Gods?. same gods? or diff? again the same *yaaawwn* its fine till you are two..but when you become three...my god ur god :rant begins

not saying it happenes with everybody ...

 

Thank you to each and everyone for responding to me.

I have read all the posts numerous times and I dont know how to express but I am getting all kinds of feelings, ALL.

So far my situation is... my parents are the same position. Mom still upset.
As I read at many places that we should first clear ourselves before marriage so I try to talk to him on this, on our differences and how we are going to handle in future. All the time, he is not bothered much. He says..I really dont care about our differences and moreover we are not that different as you are imagining. When I raise some differences, he says, "you make life look so risky", "we will cross the bridge when we come to it", " dont heat up your brain for stupid little things", "why do you concentrate on petty things" , or his usual line always, " let me play this or sing this (he is musician) for you, you will feel good etc etc., He is not at all serious. And, if I try to still continue, he says, OK, I give up, I will follow you in all these matters. I even tried to raise the issue of kids and we should start thinking about how we balance all. He simply laughs it off and says, dont worry kids will also do as you say etc., etc.,

Sometimes, I feel I am fool talking all this when he really does not see it as big issue. How can I make him be serious on these issues? Or, am I thinking too much really?
I really dont want to lose him. But, the moment when I think of my parents, I feel I am betraying them and hurting them too much. These days, I dont even feel like doing anything. I want to talk to my parents, my mom especially, and make her understand me. I dont want to lose the love and affection of my parents.

 

It is true that when kids come it may all become a little complicated. It is important that you have some understanding of how you will resolve. You don't need some 5-year plans with all details. Also, from my experience, I can tell you that what may seem unimportant difference now may become a serious matter when kids come. In my case, I was not religious at the time of marriage, but changed later. Luckily we resolved without one argument. But just be aware.
Tell him, will do everything according to your wish is not realistic. You need him to give these matters a thought and at least promise that nothing would ever be forced on you. And your opinions will have equal weight-age in making decisions for kids. let him talk about these with his parents too.
You are not betraying anyone. You can never do enough for your parents to pay them back. But you are not supposed to pay them back, pay it forward. Love your kids as much as you were loved. That is all. You are grateful to your parents but you don't owe your life to them. If you are fairly confident that you will be happy with this person and you can trust him, then go ahead. Try your best to convince your mom. After that it is her decision, whether she wants to hang on to the grudge she is feeling right now or trust your decision and give you benefit of doubt. Be there like she has always been there for you. That is her decision, you are not responsible for it.

 

I know they love me more than anything and my fear is I may not get that attention especially my mom. Thats my worst fear.

 

Its sad extremely sad what you went thru. Hope God gives you all the happiness you deserved.

After all they are my parents, how can the relationship with them be not be that important? I didnt get it.

 

I have talked about the differences with him but he finds it too trivial and does not discuss much. I am a vegetarian and he knows that well. No way I can eat meat. When I talk about other differences he always says we will think about it when we come to it.

 

Yeah, this seems like good advise to me. Thank you. I think I will talk to my mom and tell her to meet his parents and try to know them. She already talked to him, she knows him but her only problem is caste and finances. Even though he is doing good now, she does not like his job in film industry. She has bad feeling towards film people. She wants me to marry someone more academically qualified kind. Hope you got what I meant.